FIVE YEARS - THE BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS

June 30th 2004. I was in some troubled waters -




I was relieved to find out it was M S and not an inoperable brain tumor where I had a short time left to live. Still, the waters were troubled - thick with fear and questions and desperation. I had to begin to redefine and incorporate managing M S into my life. I did all the usual things following the grueling diagnostic process. Ending with a good neurologist so the "right" medications(s) could be prescribed - each one more scary than the next. But it is what it is.

Beyond all the medical jargon and medications and symptoms - something much bigger was happening. People were gathering - like a "bridge over my troubled waters". My husband, he laid himself down, before me.......to walk upon as I faltered. He stood up and collected me in his arms - carrying me to the next step. He was/is an oak tree upon which I leaned and still lean. He laid down again and again for me to walk over - to keep me just above the troubled waters lurking beneath. He loved me even more as I fought for my independence and strength. Sometimes I reacted violently to medications that were intended to help. He rubbed me and held me and we sang until it subsided, rendering me weakened. Oh he was/is part of the bridge upon which I relied and still rely.

My Mom - bless her heart as she cried with me on June 30th asking her God why it couldn't have been her instead of me and what had she done wrong that I should have this disease. She came every day while I sat with IV steroids running through my veins and fighting for my strength and mobile endurance. Her prayers never stopped, her love was/is immense and she too was/is part of the bridge upon which I rely to survive the troubled waters beneath.

My brother-in-law, Kelly - he, still deep in his grief over the death of his son. - and who recently died - January 23rd. I loved him for 45 years. He took me for a ride that day, June 30th. I just couldn't wait around for the phone call coming to tell me my fate. He later went to my husband's work to tell him - they came back home together.

My sister - my rock - a pillar of support and strength and love. Her own grief over the untimely death of her first-born son still so mammoth in it's harsh reality - she came with me to every diagnostic test - sat for hours and waited - held my hand - and took the call from the optic-neurologist with the results on June 30th - a call I could not take - could not hear, not from a stranger - and so it was my sister who first spoke the words to me, "You have M S'..... our/my world exploded in emotion and fear - we all screamed and cried - and surrendered together.

.......and others came to console and support - my best good friend JoAnn, my son and daughters, my friends , Rosann, and Larry - and later on, after an exacerbation my young friend Ashley(Sophie) and my mate Dale, - all were part of my bridge which held me up over troubled waters. I felt so fortunate to receive such an out-pouring of love and support. I fought so hard to regain my strength, balance, vision and endurance.

And now it is five years later - I have had some set backs and my ability to "do" whatever for very long is indeed compromised. However, I am independent, mobile and strong I am also very aware of how I must balance my life. I guess that's true for us all, huh? Balance. Each day is a gift beyond anything I ever felt before June 30th 2004.


And so I ask you, in times of trouble who is your bridge? - Your Bridge Over Troubled Waters"?


Love Gail
peace..............