Tuesday, March 30, 2010



Today is truly a day to celebrate - your loving spirit is a gift to the world and certainly to your family. I see and feel the love as your children and grandchildren spend time about your natureland and home and that they know and feel the magnitude of your love. And the food you prepare!!! My goodness - SO yummy!!! :-)

Happy, happy birthday...............I am so honored and thrilled to call you friend.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

True Colors

Good morning........

Today is sunny and cool, with rain and a mixed precipitation promised tonight and Friday. I love that Winter is hanging on - reminding us of its force and promising it will oh so slowly fade, reluctantly giving way to Spring with all of its birthing of blooms and colors and sweet aromas. Spring is like being forgiven and once again able to shake off the cold and feel warm and free and colorful.

I often think of my days in terms of color - I very much love gray days - their mystery, ominous hues and changing depth. My favorite color though is purple and second is green, softer like jade. Our bedroom is purple and green and our kitchen counters are jade with camel colored cabinets. We have shades of green in our living room with smatterings of honey colored wood and some purple throws and candles and accents. Our home is earthy with southwest Indian designs that are simple and natural. Our home allies with our 'true colors'.

For me purple is passionate, wise, sensual, deep, strong, mysterious, intended, purposeful, and protective.
and jade green is welcoming, calming, playful, contemplative, spiritual, loving, kind, honest, generous, faithful and relaxing.

Both colors are me, and us................... nice, huh? :-)

I have been to homes where their colors permeate their dwelling in negativity. I feel a harsh fear that is angry. I sense their discomfort and sharp edges. Some times my energy can soften the mood but it is a constant awareness and effort. And I have been in homes where the colors fill the air with hope and love, promise and truth and I blend and seep into every space easily. I am re-energized.

What are your true colors - what do people feel when they come in to your home? What are the colors and homes like of people in your world - positive? Negative? Even in blog-land the colors-energy is easily felt. So take a moment to think about your color(s) and how these colors "color" your world. And also how the people in your life and their colors and how you are affected. If you have never thought of how you feel around people or how others may feel around you in terms f color I think you may find the insight enlightening.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Happy Birthday Dolan

"DOLAN PAUL - born march 21st.

Dolan was named after my grandmother on my Dad's side - her maiden name was Dolan. His middle name was given him in memory of his father's twin brother that was killed 27 years ago. Dolan's father and I went to Washington state to be with his twins fiance following his tragic death. We drove along the Pacific Coast Highway to San Francisco. Once there she had rented a special plane. We took Paul's ashes up in the plane with us to Bridal Veil Mountain in Yosemite National Park where they were to be married. We went on the day - June 12th. Later that night, Dolan was created out of love, passion and grief. I felt the moment and it was glorious. Dolan, at birth, was nine pounds, nine ounces!! And ironically he was a twin - his twin did not develop properly and did not make it. :-( There was so much Dolan though, so much. :-)
And so for a time we loved Dolan together and then, as life happened, his Dad left and we forged on together with courage and faith.

Dolan is a wonderful young man - with intelligent wit, a loving heart, compassion, wisdom, passion for life, a good friend and so 'just' - he is a gifted, published writer, a unique artist/illustrator, a talented musician, a comic, a playwright, a teacher, and simple gentle man who cares deeply about so much and so many. I think three things are critical to such wonderful qualities, first is that he always had a fan-cheerleader, ME!, second I always encouraged and supported his personal creative expressions, always, and thirdly I always told him that when his Dad and I created him we loved each other very much and that for a time we loved him together until we no longer could and then I took over.

I have learned so much from Dolan - in many ways he has taught me so much. And I love that he turns to me for guidance and answers on his life challenges. We honor one another and it feels so good. I will end this with one story about Dolan's wisdom ad keen intuition:

A few years back, after an ice storm SKipp and I and some friends braved the icy roads and headed to a local pub/restaurant for some drinks and food - there were over 100 people in the restaurant and bar - I suppose all of like thinking - we all had cabin fever from the ice storm!!!! It was very noisy in the bar and the restaurant side was very full as well. We were laughing and having fun and told some 'off-color' jokes, which apparently was heard by a family in the restaurant- which, for the life of me, given the amount of people, and noise I could not understand how anyone could distinguish who said what - be that as it may our waitress rudely told us our conversation was offensive and to keep it down - One of our friends told her that she was very rude and we left soon after.

Over the years of loyal patronage Skipp and I had developed a close relationship with the restaurant owner - Bruce. And, Bruce was the MC during the Special Olympics event on our town green which featured the song Skipp wrote about our special needs grandson. Our experience of planning this event with Brice drew us very close. That being said we felt we could write to Bruce about our experience at his restaurant - so we did. Several days later we received a certified letter from him. We truly believed it must be a gift certificate given the recent events. HAH!! The letter was a formal notice advising us we were "not allowed in his restaurant ever again and if we did show up we would be arrested for criminal trespass.!!" We were shocked. Can you even imagine?

A few years after while Dolan was home on school break he said he wanted to eat at this particular restaurant. I was concerned given the "no trespass" letter. He felt it would be fine. I nervously went with him. I hoped Bruce wouldn't be there but he was. I said to Dolan "What do I say if he comes up to me" Dolan said, "Just say, "Bruce, I trust that time has reconciled us". And so it came to pass, Bruce happened by, and he stopped at our table - and I said "Bruce, I trust that time has reconciled us". and he answered, "Yes, yes it has, enjoy your meal." :-) Dolan was right. 100%!!! Good story, huh?

So, happy birthday Son - you are such a gift - a blessing - and your very existence transcends all that is unjust in this world. I love you.............. Mom

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Healing with gratitude

The sun is bright - warm and comforting. The breeze is cool still, reminding me that March can be fickle. I am healing - not 100% yet - but well on my way. That acute harsh pain has subsided and is now subtle - although clearly 'it' is letting me know I must move slowly -carefully - continue with heat and ice treatments and mild stretches to keep things flexible. Quite a focus.

And so I thought - as I am attending to me so earnestly - how lucky I am. My surroundings are beautiful - safe - life-giving - natural - simple - peaceful and calm. I am renewed by my view - comforted by my blessings - I feel important because others need me - I am blanketed with love - and entertained by music- I am educated with books -and inspired by family and friends-often challenged by meeting demands and honoring truths - I AM ALIVE!

I explored how I respond to physical pain - I feel it and I react. I cry and wince and moan if I need to - I lose patience and then I surrender and relax in to what is and what I can do about it - and identify where my power lies. I distract myself and remember to laugh. I am filled with gratitude that I can do this - kind of save myself - it could be way worse with way fewer options.


Thursday, March 11, 2010


Hi all-

I am nursing an inflamed hip and lower back joint - the joint is the one that sets just to the right of the bottom of my spine. It is called, the sacroiliac? Anyway, my computer chair is really hard to sit at for any length of time - and it's a good chair too, - just way too soft. I am going for a cortisone shot on Tuesday - meanwhile I am resting and doing heat treatments as well as walking to keep things flexible. The pain, when it grabs is frightening so I am being very careful and moving oh so slowly. Good Lord!!

It is hard for me to sit at my computer and type so for the next week or so I will be around but limited in my commenting and posting, if at all.

"Happy Spring-time to all of you". I am on a healing mission. :-)

Friday, March 5, 2010

Letting Go

Sometimes, in being true to myself I find I am in conflict. Each 'truism' has merit and purpose and is valued and ethical and yet in direct conflict. I have written before about my struggle with a friend that I have separated from for many, many reasons. I had cause to be with her the other day and I certainly could have refused the opportunity but I wanted to 'see' how it felt. And although, on the surface we laughed and enjoyed our old ways of being together, - for me, right under the surface is all that has transpired between us. For me it is not a 'safe' friendship.

Right there is my conflict of how to 'honor and/or be true to myself. On the one hand I have a belief system that says to love no matter what and forgive and on the other hand I hold true to a belief that says pay attention to what can cause harm and avoid situations and people that you have experienced as such, directly and indirectly. Also, when I spoke with her and explained how I felt - she was surprised and can not acknowledge or validate how I experienced her - and thus is holding me responsible for our friendship not moving forward. I tried to explain that as she was changing and I was experiencing her in hurtful ways I fought hard for our friendship by excusing those behaviors and finding a way to love her despite them - and that at some point her hurtful behaviors became bigger than my ability to put them aside. She has NO reference for this at all. And for me it is just too unsettling to pretend that everything is fine when I can see the pink elephant and she cannot. And when I mention the pink elephant for the sake of resolve it is clear that she has no interest in acknowledging it or resolving anything - claiming there is nothing really to resolve with statements like, "that is who I am,", "I was doing my job", "you should have supported me more".........................I was in a very difficult situation and I honored her until I couldn't.

I cannot honor her now. I don't hold her in esteem or regard any more. I don't trust my truths or what is important to me, with her. I don't like the person she has become. I liked/loved who she was, who we were together, for a long time. And if you were to ask her she would say that I was the one who left the friendship, not her. That is the most disturbing and unsettling part of this for me - to know how I agonized over how much she changed and how I fought to hold on to her, to us, despite the changes in her until I couldn't make sense out of that effort any more - and to then spend an evening together as if none of that even happened? It was all too much.

How do I say what I must say,. Why is that "love no matter what" value and "protect myself" belief in such conflict. Both are right and have purpose and they are both yelling inside me to 'win'. I believe I can love her and still protect myself. I can move from the friendship lovingly, knowing that who she has become is not safe for me. I have to let go of wishing she could understand that. She never will. :-( I tried, God knows I tried.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Socks, Hands and Fences

Everyone has their "turn-ons" and "turn-offs. right? And yes, it is way more than that but we all have little signals, flags of 'yay' or 'nay' when we are deciding if we want to be involved with someone, romantically and have them be in our intimate world as well. Most of this piece is going to feel superficial, but I can assure you it is not My rationale and reasons and feelings are time tested and have proven quite accurate despite the surface feel. My first assessment is physical - and they are hands and socks. And for me, the socks tell more than the hands. I really don't like guys who wear, whatI refer to as, "skinny socks". They are socks that are made of a thin slippery material and even shiny and some what see through and usually slip down some in to the shoe. I certainly know my reference for such a sock choice and quite frankly it has stayed tried and true over the years despite the horrid man who wore such socks. "Don't let guys with skinny socks close to you - never!!!!!" Skipp wears the most amazing thick, hold their form, socks. Even his dressier socks are thicker and hold up and don't slip or appear 'see through'. Phew huh?
Next is hands. This is a bit trickier to explain. It is such a personal preference and not so easy to define. I don't like guys with short stubby fingers and also if they are too "white-white" and/or have freckles it is a BIG no-no'!! I notice immediately and avoid anyone with those physical characteristics. And Skipp? Oh my, I love his hands. His are bronze color ( because he is Blackfoot Indian) and his fingers are long and slender and perfect. Phew, huh? If, when I met him he had been wearing "skinny-socks" and had 'white-white' hands with stubby fingers I can assure you I would not have gotten close to him or let him be close to me. I am also quite sure that if he was wearing 'skinny-socks' and had white stubby hands he would NOT be the guy he is - it just has been the case that guys that wear 'skinny-socks' and/or have white stubby hands are not good guys. And I know you could argue against this quite well, and that's fine - but for me? This is tried and true................
Now the third thing which is not so physical is my "Over The Fence" half century old proven concept. I wrote a post about it so I will re-post it here.

"Over The Fence" poses the question as to who in your world is an "Over The Fence Person and who isn't, and are you an "Over The Fence Person Yourself?" Serious questions to consider.

Let me take you back. When I was five, yes five, a few decades ago (or s0), I would wait to go in to my kindergarten class with my class mates in a small fenced in area outside the door. The fence was pretty high given we were all five. I could probably rest my chin on the top, maybe.

I would often wonder how I would get over the fence if say a big thing fell out of the sky or maybe a bad storm just came right to where we were all waiting or maybe a big monster would happen by and jump in. I just knew that I had to be sure I could get out and over that fence if I had to.

I was chubby. So jumping or climbing over on my own probably wouldn't be something I could do. At five years old this was a huge dilemma. As a side note; besides chubby I was quite adorable. :-) I had long dark wavy hair to my waist, the brightest blue eyes and rosy cheeks. I just thought you all should know that.

I began to look around at my classmates, all five years old just like me and I was sizing them up to figure out who amongst them I could count on to help me "Over The Fence" in the event I needed to get over. Even at five it wasn't that hard to figure out. The kids who smiled a lot, and the one's who shared their snack, the one's who didn't call me names or make fun of one kid who had a weird eye that rolled around, the one's who spoke softly and didn't stick their tongues out. Get the idea?

I felt so much safer knowing who I could count on if I needed to get over that fence in a hurry. I knew who would reach back and help me over to safety and never leave me behind to face the danger alone. I was no longer scared inside that fenced in area at five years old once I figured it out in my mind.

Since then, I put everyone that comes in to my life inside that fenced in kindergarten area with me. I have been doing this for decades and it has never been wrong. I figure out rather quickly if they would hop the fence and keep going or if they would reach back and help me "Over The Fence". If they would go on without me I don't allow that person too close to me. If I intuitively know they would help me "Over The Fence" then that person is someone I would allow in my life more closely. Thus the term "Over The Fence".

I challenge you to look at the people in your lives and put them in that fenced in area with you. If there were an event that dictated you getting out of that fenced in area would they go over the fence and leave you behind or would they reach back and help you to safety. You already know which people in your life would go on without you and which one's would never leave you behind. Get rid of the one's that would go on without you and hang on tightly to the one's that would never leave you behind and that are truly "Over The Fence" people. And by the way, which one are you?

And there you have my "Over The Fence" rule. :-)

SO, what "do's" and "don'ts" do you live by or "Yays" or "Nays" for romance/relationships and who are the 'Over The Fence" people in your life and are you an "Over The Fence Person"...............

Good stuff, huh?