Friday, June 10, 2011

Go on, regardless.

A year old!  Damien Chase - I don't know him.  He does not know me.  I am his Gram - the many facets of why this is so are heart wrenching at best.  I heard he was sick - in the hospital even - needs surgery of varying kinds.  The details are not shared.  This is one of those "oh just go on with my life and be happy regardless situation" that is way easier said than done.  It's his Mom's birthday too this month - I sent a package - filled with love.  I had a letter written with some serious guilt and shame on her in it - I sealed and re-enveloped her card at least 10 times - and now I have a bunch of cards with no envelopes  :-).  I didn't send the letter.  Wanna know what finally helped me decide?  Ready?  Oprah!  I swear it's true.  She said how we are all responsible for our own lives (I know this) and that we are also responsible for the energy we bring to others (I know this).  The energy in the letter of guilt and shame was bad energy.  The package had only love in it.
For Damien?  I had a little Nascar shirt designed with his name on it and a Nascar Teddy Bear too.  For her?  A plaque that said 'daughter are to be cherished'. also I found a card I had sent to her when she was 16 - it said she could always count on me - I sent that along, and some pictures of her family, here - that loves and misses her.  Her estrangement from me, us....breaks my heart.  I am reminded in June - she was born June 21st.  Her own daughter as well, she has distanced herself.  Her daughter left because of the boyfriend - terrible situation.  He is Damien's father. My daughter wants him to stay - she is paying a high price to hold on to him.  Use your imagination.
And so June will end- and I will go on with my life, regardless - I keep a candle in every window - lit all year so she can find her way home. 
Please pray she finds her way home.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Computer will be shut down for a few.

Just a quick note.  My computer is being shut down today.  We are finishing the painting in our room and getting ready for the new carpeting being installed tomorrow.  It will be a few days after that before things are back together.  I am SO happy with the colors and our "tree-house" theme.  It feels so natural and simple.  See you all soon.