Thursday, July 9, 2015

Robbed or gifted?

My response was immediate, knee-jerk so to speak when my sister said "we have been robbed of our play time because of MS"  - I replied, "we have also been gifted"  So which is it? - Both I think.

In so many ways we have been robbed,  MS  has stolen pieces of my life, pieces of me. I remember what I could do before MS - the difference is both staggering and frightening.  My sister, as do I wishes we could venture off for the day and walk at the seaport, or a mall, or even a weekend get away, museums and parks and concerts and so forth.  Such outings are complicated even with Skipp who knows how to assist me and manage my mobility devices. Such adventures with anyone else would be quite unsettling for me and whomever.  And so it seems I/we have in fact been robbed!

Let's look at the gifted side.  Because of my MS diagnosis we had to down size and live with less financial burden.  My Mom had passed away three years ago this month (oh how I miss her healing touch and love) and her adorable in-law apartment (which we call our cozy bungalow) was empty and we were blessed and gifted to be able to move in here which is attached to my sister's home. We re-did it to our style and moved in December 2012.  It is lovely here, and my sis is right next door.  We see each other every day and on Friday's we have a "happy-tizer" evening with wines and fun foods.  Robbed or gifted?  I wouldn't see her much if we were still in our home a few towns away. I understand that it would be fun to have adventures and play dates out and about.  I have adjusted, surrendered (for the most part) to a new way to be adventurous and play.  My heart does ache when I realize I can't vacation  with Skipp too far away or in places that make my mobility issue an obstacle. We too have surrendered to simpler, closer ventures.  My mind struggles sometimes to wrap around my limits and yet I am at the same time so aware of my freedoms.  Robbed? Gifted?  
Every time I navigate a curb, climb stairs, get in and out of the car, have lunch out, visit friends, scooter around a mall, sit by the water on Long Island Sound, enjoy a meal and fine wine at home, kiss, hug, laugh, cry, pray, believe, scream, feel, love, and love some more, I am gifted, robbed, surrendered, peaceful and enraged, I am here!!
So I ask all of you, as you surrender to your realities are you robbed and/or gifted?  

Me and my sister Nancy