Friday, February 11, 2011

"What do you want from me?" "That's Life""

I heard Adam Lambert sing this on "Ellen" and I absolutely loved the song so I thought I would share it with all of you.  I so appreciate his voice and style when he is soft and contemporary.  I also liked the lyrics - thoughtful and well intended - identifiable.  I hope you all enjoy it.

Moving along - I am facing some medical tests over the next few weeks - markers really for management and treatment.  One in particular will tell if I have nerve damage in my legs and/or MS activity.  If I have nerve damage there is a medication for the pain - however I am very concerned about the risks. The MRI is so confining and the balance test and nerve test are an hour each and unsettling.  I also completely dislike the focus on the disease.  Then I meet with the neurologist on March 23rd to discuss the findings and disease management and so forth.  Yuck  BIG yuck!!!  

A big thanks to Grizz for his shared wisdom, understanding and very real input via email -

And as the saying goes - "this too shall pass".  I found myself researching holistic neurologist - there are none that specific - although there are holistic doctors - homeopathic doctors that treat autoimmune diseases. I guess I should stick with this guy for now.  Although I want to scream in his face - "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"!!  So be the song I posted above. 
I promised myself and Grizz that I will NOT focus on those four hours, for the three tests and the follow-up visit - but rather all the other hours and days that I wont be in medical drama!  It is hard to not worry and feel anxious and anticipate - any ideas on how to best do that will be greatly appreciated.  My life has SO many blessings to fill my mind and spirit, heart and soul.  Still, those invasive feelings around those four hours creep in - and take hold.  

I went to the hair salon today and I got my hair -hi-lited and it looks really nice and I got my nails done too.  A nice light Spring pink so I feel good about that.  :-)  I actually feel good about a lot.  I guess I will honor my fears and feel what I feel and also celebrate my freedom and all the wonderful feelings that go with that.  Balance!  It's all about balance. Like Diane posted about, life is a bunch of good news and bad news.  Without the comparison we wouldn't even know the difference and how awful would that be to never feel extreme or neutral, happy or sad.  It all has a purpose. 
That's Life!


Thursday, February 3, 2011

Candle-lit hugs

The ice thickened on the trees, roofs, side walks and windows - the air was a crystal mist - blurred  with white sleet and frozen ice pellets.  I wondered if the world was going to freeze over - for the most part it did.  

Beautiful, huh?  As we looked out from our windows we were reminded of nature's force.  Our power went out and our world was still 'cept for the ice crystals in movement and in sound.  Tree branches creaked and snapped and windows and doors held on as the ice and sleet pounded their resistance. As darkness fell and our home chilled we stoked the fire and kept a pot of water simmering for hot tea.  We made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and lit candles and oil lamps.  Skipp played guitar and we sang for hours- we played cribbage, and hangman and laughed heartily.  We opened a wonderful heavy oak and buttery flavored chardonnay -  we talked, honestly and intimately  about life, our life, our hopes and fears, dreams and blessings. There were tears and long hugs, some times those hugs that are desperate and rough - clinging and hanging on - we groped and gazed, and held on to one another in the best of ways. It was glorious and when the power did come back on - we preferred the truth of candle lit hugs.

Love Gail,