Monday, April 29, 2013

The Road Less Traveled

It's been a while, I know.  Not really much to say it seems.  I am at a bit of a cross-road - well, actually  it feel  more like a road less traveled.  And by that I mean our new home and surroundings. As cozy and beautiful and priced right and on and on as this all is, I/we miss our "home".  So this road, much less traveled is still foreign - I even feel a bit lost here.  My familiar, my safety is within Skipp and me and Gracie - our 'pack', our unity, our love. our traditions, old and new.

Add to that kind of lost feeling is my health challenges that increase in symptom intensity as soon as the warmer weather begins.  MS does not like the heat.  I tried a new medication to ease some of the nerve pain but it didn't work.  I tried though.

The other 'road-less-traveled is that Mother's day is fast approaching and it is my first one without my Mom here on this earth to celebrate and show how much I love her and how much she means to me.  Every Mother's day, for as long as I can recall, has been about my Mom - what to have for dinner, buying her a gardenia corsage, picking out her card, and just being together.  Oh how I miss her.

And I know all the language about how she, and her love are within me forever, and that I can still celebrate her and honor her - I know!  And as wonderful as all that is, it doesn't put her in my arms to hug and sit beside her and share a meal and pin that corsage on her jacket.

And there is my Mom - Mother's Day 2011, with her gardenia corsage.  Lovely, isn't she?

And then, come July 13th, it will be the one year anniversary of her passing.  Oh can that be, but it is true.  Truly, this is a road-less-traveled.  A new path I am forging.  There have been many paths before this and there will be other paths down the road......I just need to keep traveling - staying the course as the road, my road of life, continues is all quite different now, from a norm I once knew......and even as I write this I can see all the new norms over the years to which I have adjusted as they happened, as well as some, actually many, I have created.  For some reason this particular time of travel feels like a road, upon which, I am struggling to gain my footing -  I take a couple of firm steps forward and then stumble and stall.  I pick myself up again and keep traveling along.

I pray for peaceful surrender and empowered wisdom as I move forward in this time of unyielding truth and change.  To revel in the freedom of once again arriving despite the odds.  Amen....