And so I floundered in a dark and cold place. I even wondered or perhaps was planning how I could live my life in this uncertainty, in this no-faith-place, in what felt like darkness and cold. I reconciled it all by telling myself that at least now I cannot be disappointed or feel betrayed for I am the betrayal and the disappointment which is tough as nails. I entertained this for several days. and then......................
I realized that God has been part of a greater plan forever. I began to trace back the events that led to now. I was stunned, knocked over stunned with the truth of it all. I could even trace it back to choices my Mom and Dad made and that their parents made all in preparation for now. It is so perfectly mind boggling and certain - it is faith told - it is faith known - it is love eternal.
When I think of the events that brought me to Guilford, CT - and why I came here - the answers are penetrating. My sons father always said he wanted to live in this town - and he made that happen. Had I not met him I never would have lived here. And to think of what led me to him to get me here - my, oh my, oh my........
and then I had Dolan - and I returned to school for a higher degree. I began to deal with my childhood abuses from the teacher which led me to the Catholic church. It is there I met Kathy. She was one of my clients as part of the Pastoral Counseling Center. I really appreciated her and her journey and all her gifts and talents. After I left the church we lost touch. Some 15 year's later I received a phone call from two doctors that lived in Guilford. Kathy had been the nanny to their neighbor's son who was good friends with one of their sons. They were in search of a Drug And Alcohol Counselor - Kathy gave them my name. And so we began to meet and have done so for over two years.
The woman of the two doctors is a kidney specialist. Her highly revered 'Nephrology Associates' are now treating my Mom. It is so amazing when you "know" someone We have the doctor(s) private cell phone numbers. :-)
And so my temporary loss of faith, my doubt and uncertainty, my wonder and question and even my tilted head has straightened out. I know that God loves my Mom so much that He had a plan for generations so that when she needed the BEST kidney team in the country she would be positioned by events to have just that!!!!!! I fall to my knees in humble gratitude at the immense power of this revelation. It is so huge I can barely carry it - and I mean that in the best of ways.
Take a moment...........
And so we are in the storm - and so we are not alone. Amen.
