Is it ever kind to be cruel?

I am not sure when it happened - I just know that it did. The hurt was gone - and in order to feel it I had to look for it, reach back for it because it was now a memory. Part of me wishes I was more in command of such relief - but truth be told -I was not. In fact, I fought for my right to hold on to the hurt, and disappointment, and feelings of betrayal all in the name of self preserving. When I did I was quite justified to be righteous. Oh my, how unpleasant is that? Very!!

I have written of this struggle often - and my right to be right. Even writing it kind of makes me cringe and wince. In some sense of fairness to myself I did need to take time to sort through the events that changed the relationship - that made it so difficult to feel safe - all that is still true - what isn't true anymore is how much it mattered - how much my 'position' gave me permission to be indifferent - perhaps even cruel. Oh how right I felt. Something shifted and I couldn't feel "my rights" anymore - rather I felt unkind. I was faced with an opportunity to embrace something bigger than what I was holding to - I looked hard for all the reasons I had to not respond in kind - I searched every corner of my heart - and somehow being loving overpowered being right. It was a moment of surrender and a moment of truth and a moment of transition that swept me off my emotional feet!!

And so I am writing humbly this day of His resurrection - feeling that I rose above what had me nailed to the righteous cross of being right' - perhaps in your lives there are times you felt so right - and in being right you did or didn't do what was loving - when is love, in its purest form twisted to 'fit' being right. I was actually stunned by my own rationale for so long and recent 'change of heart'. There is even a song that speaks to -"Cruel to be kind or is it Kind to be cruel?".