Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Thanks Shen

Caught red-handed! My defiance was lovingly pointed out in a fellow bloggers post - 'Shen' - over at "Reunited Selves" was 100% right on when she said I was defiant about my right to be angry at God. I made it very difficult for anyone to disagree with "my right" Oh goodness, I was quite indignant. And all of you were so kind in response. Far more than I deserved, Really. Thanks Shen for the reality check - holding up the mirror - and ya, my anger was justified I 'spose', but I left no wiggle room for discussion.

I don't get angry often - hardly ever actually. It is exhausting and my face even looked grim. Eewwwwww. I think the better word is sad, incredibly sad. I was talking with my Mom this morning, and I said, "I am so sad you have to go through this Mom", and she answered, "Don't be sad, it has to be this way for me to live." Her acceptance is so humbling and so inspiring. She also said she understands because she feels sad that I have M S and wants to wish/pray it away. We both feel the same way about one another - wishing our health situations weren't so.

We have always had a strong loving relationship - it is a no wonder we hurt for one another. And so I have moved far from anger in to this neutral sadness that simply is. It doesn't mean I am not happy too because I am, but for now i am quite aware of the sadness I feel, as well. Shen, I can't thank you enough for writing about my post on your blog - it stirred alot and all for the good of self understanding. And as you and all of my wonderful blogger friends know and have shared, "Everybody Hurts", sometimes.







11 comments:

Diana said...

I think we all get angry with God at some point in our lives Gail. I haven't felt that way in many years. But I can understand why you would feel that way. I am glad that you aren't feeling as angry anymore. It really doesn't feel good. And I am sad that you and your mom have to go through all of these problems but happy that you both have such a strong love and connection for each other! Love Di ♥

Just Be Real said...

Gail thank you. ***On my way over to Shens.*** I like some of REM's songs. Thanks for sharing. Blessings.

Gail said...

HI JBR-

As always,
thank you" for your kind support. And yes, R.E.M are really great

Love Gail
peace and hope.....

Gail said...

HI JBR-

Yes, I too am forever grateful for the strong relationship my Mom and I share. Thank you for all your love and friendship

Love Gail
peace and hope.....

Bernie said...

It seems you are moving onto another stage.....all will work out Gail, not always the way we think it should, but it will work out regardless. Many prayers for you and your mom....:-)Hugs

Shen said...

Hi Gail,

I wasn't trying to put any pressure on you... I've felt the exact same way. About six months ago I said the same thing - that I was angry at God - and I said it with equal defiance. I was talking to a friend in CoDA who I know is very strong in her Christian beliefs, and i didn't want her to tell me I couldn't feel the way I did.

She said, "I think God can take it".

I think I said something like that to you.

It made me feel so good to know that she was not judging me for my feelings and it made perfect sense that God could take it... I mean, come on it's GOD!

Thanks for this post. It means a lot to be taken seriously and understood and I hope you heard all the heartfelt wishes I had and not only the part about "defiance".

peace

ps - I love this song. I hurt a lot today... to much to post, even. Things are hard right now... and the song is singing right to my soul.

Whitemist said...

Although I have not in my current adventure, i have been angry with God, usually for the wrong reasons.
Why this time is different and it is so difficult, i do not know.
Peace to you Gail.

Gail said...

HI JOEY-

thank you for visiting :-) AND for your kind understanding and "knowing"

Love to you

HI BERNIE-

Yes, I am moving along and through and yes, all will work out as it should. I SO apprecite your kindness and support and friendship.

Love you my friend

H SHEN-

Oh no, no pressure at all.,. just real!! :-)
AND I SO felt your heartfelt love and understanding. I do understand and YOU matter more than you know.


Love to you


Gail
peace and hope

TheChicGeek said...

Hi Gail :)
I'm so sorry you are hurting and sad...It's such a challenge to remain positive and hopeful when times are hard. We grow, we get through it and we become stronger and better people for it...More compassionate and understanding. You are like an budding angel growing her wings.
Stay strong, Gail. You probably don't even realize that your strength in your adversity gives us all hope and inspiration. Thank you, for that, Gail.
Love,
Kelly

Gail said...

HI CHIC-GEEK- My Favorite California girl


"thank you" SO much for your kind words of support, understanding and validation. It means so much. I am managing, all things considered. did my PT exercise routine outside on our back deck today. THe air was ccol and dry. Breathing deeply was glorios - and the sights and sounds of nature inspired me. Blessings all around.

Love to you Kelly
Gail
peace and hope.....

Souldose said...

We all get angry at 1 point but the trick is to remember he will get us out of whatever we find ourselves in... 7 years in i still believe he will cure me... And that belief makes it all bearable