Thursday, September 3, 2009

THE INNOCENCE IS GONE

That is a title of a song I wrote and Skipp put to music. I wish I could put it on the computer but I simply do not know how. I can share the lyrics - and I will. I haven't ever written about my eldest daughter - Kristie. She is the one that lives in upstate NY, about 500 miles from here. She has 2 children Leanna and Jacob. She was quite young the first time she left home - she was 16 and pregnant. And so the song "The Innocence Is Gone"

I stood at the window
you were only 16
tracing I love you
your finger following mine

tears flowed from your eyes
my child little girl of mine
then the train whistle blew
and you were gone.....


and so he was waiting
this man of hate and shame
I knew he'd hurt you
I couldn't even speak his name

my God what can I do
I can't stop the train
I tried to keep you in my arms
now you are headed for his hateful charm

(chorus)
oh the innocence is gone
the life inside you growing
I will carry you in my heart
please come home......

and then one day you called me
said Mom I wanna come home
I traveled 500 miles
you and your baby, you were all alone

.................................

oh the innocence is gone
another life inside you growing
I carried you in my heart
and now you're home.......

and so she lived with us, and pregnant again. We secured a loft apartment for her and Leanna very close to us. And then Jacob was due. Skipp and I were in the delivery room - and it was long and so hard for her. And then, he was born still.....I have never seen such a color as still as he was - it was steel gray blue and so quiet, so very still. I laid over my daughter and Skipp laid over me and we prayed.........We could hear them working on him, trying to bring him back - I felt him leave - his spirit rise and the room was more still and cold........I could see from the corner of my eye that they had stopped working on him and they were turning to come to us to tell us the sad news - and in an instant - in a moment when we were all caught between life and death and life - we hear a beautiful sound - it was Jacob - the room warmed - the sound got louder - and in a second we all screamed and cried and cheered - he came back. And he had a peace about him - and I Knew he saw Jesus - was held in his arms and brought that peace back as a gift. It was a miracle......................

His baptism was a celebration of miracles and life promised and peace and hope. And yes, his song, "Jacob's Song" It was actually a poem I wrote for his baptism and Skipp set it to music. It was later performed at the 'Special Olympics" opening ceremonies and was chosen as the theme song for the Jerry Lewis Telethon and performed at venues all over the state. And so Jacob's miracle of coming back to life inspired so many.
We have many copies of this song and it still 'sells' and we make donations to Special Olympics and or "Jerry's Kids" from any tapes we sell. If anyone is interested, please let me know.


And so he suffered lack of oxygen which caused brain damage and we were told he wouldn't ever walk or talk. Oh how Jacob defied all the odds - and yes, he has his special issues but he runs and laughs and speaks beautifully - he can fix anything and is quite handsome. :-) And so Kristie's life unfolded as a single Mom of a beautiful daughter and a special needs son. We stood by her and helped her and we all grew together as a family. Over time she decided that she wanted to go back upstate NY. She said she couldn't afford to live in Connecticut and that the cost of living upstate NY was much lower and so she left again - about 8 years ago now. She is a CNA and woks hard. She visits rarely which is heart breaking for me and my ability to travel is minimal. We talk on the phone and she tells me she loves me and yet it leaves me sad - I have missed so much of her life and of Leanna and Jacob's life. Most days I am reconciled. sigh....... She is a "tell it like it is" kind of girl - no holds barred!! She is rough around the edges and has a raw wisdom that is profound. She doesn't care about clothes or make up and prefers jeans and work boots and sweat shirts. She loves horses and all animals but especially horses. I got her, her own horse when she was 10. A wonderful time for us all. I love hearing her stories about her patients at the nursing home she cares for - she adores them all. She may have left home in distance but her core of goodness and purpose were built when she was a little girl and that is with her always. - and therefore, so am I. I taught her everything I know.





Love Gail
peace......

28 comments:

cinner said...

Gail, What a beautiful story, so sad she lives far away from you. I know how hard it must be for you to travel. My sister usually takes me to the farm since I can no longer drive. The song is beautiful. What an honor about the other song.! Abig, big hug my friend. Think of you always.

Teresa said...

Gail this is a heart touching post and it had me in tears. Your daughter sounds like a very strong and courageous young woman, and she has grown strong by oposition. God Bless her and her family, and thankyou for sharing this story. ((((hugs)))) T 555

Gail said...

Hi Teresa-

Yes she has been through a lot and she is a tough one for sure!! :-)

Love Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

Hi Cinner-
Yes, it is hard to have them all so far away. I am glad you liked the songs. :-)

Love Gail
peace.....

Eileen said...

Beautiful love story, Gail!
And I love how tough and strong your daughter is!
Beautiful words to your song too, wish I could hear it.
And so wonderful about the other song too!
It's unbelievable the beauty that some people are capable of creating when they can see the beauty in almost every situation that presents itself.
Beautiful, beautiful love story.
Love and Prayers,
Eileen

Gail said...

HIEILEEN-

"Thank you" so much for your kind loving words. And I am glad you liked the lyrics of the songs too.

And let's have a nice bowl of pasta together with my home made sauce. :-)

Love to you
Gail
peace.....

a corgi said...

your daughter sounds like a strong young woman; I know how hard it is to raise a special needs child and I did it as a married couple

I know it must be so hard to have her not close to you

betty

Bernie said...

Gail, a beautiful post and tribute to your daughter. Your love for her and your grandchildren really shine through in every word.
She has become a strong, courgeous and independent woman taking responsability for herself and her children, not many young people do that today, they would rather someone else do all the work and provide for them. I am sorry she is so far away but you are so blessed to hear from her so often by phone.
The words to your song are beautiful, would of loved to have heard it sung to music. You and Skipp are so talented and to help others with your song is just a beautiful thing to do.
I loved everything about this post my friend.......:-) Hugs

Gail said...

HI BETTY -

Thank you so much for your understanding words. It sure has been a challenge for Kristie to take care of Jacob. She affectionately calls him, "Buddy-Bear"....

Love Gail
Peace....

Gail said...

HI BENIE -

"Thank you, thank you".....I am so glad you enjoyed this post about Kristie and Jacob's miraculous birth. We gave her and him all we could while she lived close - and as best we could since she moved. The rest I asked God to look after. :-)

Love Gail
peace......

Wanda said...

I love the nickname Buddy Bear...Your daughter seems to have a lot of your good qualities Gail...When children live far away, the computer must make it easier to share things more often.

You are very talented with putting your thoughts to words.

Take care,
Wanda

Gail said...

HI WANDA -

"Thank you" for your kind understanding of matters of the heart. And for your compliment about how I write. It means a lot to me.

Love Gail
peace......

Diana said...

Gail you are a wonderful writer. I realize that you are telling a story in your life, but you do it so beautifully! I know what it's like to miss your daughter. I miss mine all the time and she is going through some crossroads right now which makes me miss her more. You know, wish we were there to help. It sounds like your daughter is very courageous! Love Di

Gail said...

HI DIANA -

"thank you" so much for complimenting how I write. Wow, I am humbled.
And it is hard having family so far away - I deal with it but it is never quite reconciled, ya know?

Love Gail
peace......

giggles said...

Heart wrenching story.... with proof that miracles do happen.... What a strong family...all of you! The trials you have been through...continue to deal with... Yipes!

Peace be with you.

Gail said...

HI GIGGLES -

We have been through a lot, but it is all okay - because we are so blessed in so many ways. So good to see you here.

Love Gail
peace.....

Comrade Kevin said...

Very moving. It speaks to me today.

Gail said...

Hi Kevin -

So nice to see you here. :-) I like that my writing "spoke" to you.

With love
Gail
peace

Children with out voices said...

Must have been very hard for you to watch your daughter grow and travel on her own journey. You know they say the apple don't fall far from the tree and if that is so may your daughter have half your strength.

Be Well

Gail said...

HI-CHILDREN WITHOUT VOICES -
Yes, quite hard to watch her go, to feel peaceful about her leaving. And thank you so much for writing about your thoughts on my strength.
It meant a lot to me.

Love Gail
peace.....

Utah Savage said...

That was lovely, Gail.

Gail said...

HI UTAH -

"Thank you' so much. And it is always so nice to have you stop by.

Love Gail
peace......

Whitemist said...

Ah! You know first hand many things I have experienced!
From many angels.
Both wonderful and frightening, amazing and worrisome.
And you know things do turn out in the end, maybe not to what we want, but to the best of all.
Thank you for sharing.

Gail said...

HI WHITEMIST -

Oh yes my life has provided me a myriad of opportunities from which to learn. And you and I are similar in many ways. :-)

SO nice to see you here
Love Gail
peace......

Rose Marie Raccioppi said...

Each time you share an experience, no matter how challenging, how painful, how dark, there is a strong thread of faith holding light and God filled spirit. You weave this thread into a cloak of understanding and gift us with its grace and your loving favor. Thank you Dear Gail.

Gail said...

HI ROSEMARIE-

"thank you" SO much. Your words breathe new life in to everything you write about - I feel graced by your writing about me.

Love Gail
peace......

cinner said...

Hi Gail, I hope you can stop by my blog and read the post for today. I left a little surprise there for you. It is well deserved. Take care Gail, Enjoy.

Gail said...

HI CINNER-

Oh wow, I will head over to your place now. :-)

Love Gail
peace.....