Thursday, September 24, 2009
I took these pictures the other day when I was out and about. The two pictures of the lake were taken right at the bottom of the drive up to our home. It is called "Lake Quonnipaug" and is in Guilford, CT. If you care to 'check it out' more fully you can google it!! :-) The farm land, upper left photo is at the end of the lake. It is a dairy farm. We live in a lovely rural area with so many offerings of simple living and natural settings. I/we are truly blessed. I also took pictures of "The Monastery" which will be posted on an October blog. It is a cloistered order of Dominican nuns. It will be the back drop for my "October-memory" blog. For those of you who have followed my truths, my "it's" you know well that October is particularly cathartic and I honor that catharsis, actually I encourage it because it is my truth to remember. If anyone wants to read one of the posts that tells this story it is titled "James-Daniel-Jill" and posted 9/4/08. If not, that's okay too.
I also want to tell you all that since I stopped expecting my daughters to act/behave/choose/live as I saw fit - I am so free. And, their freedom to just openly share with me has blossomed fully. There is a distinction this time of which I am so aware. Before, when they felt free to just "be" because I wasn't challenging them, I was pretending - hiding my true feelings of disappointment, hurt and so forth. This time I am not hiding anything because there is nothing to hide. I am REALLY free of judgment and desire to control and fix. Good Lord . I love them no matter what. I said to Skipp - "Now that I stopped being a jerk they are free to be themselves". He said, "oh honey, you weren't being a jerk" and I said, "ya, I was". :-) It is so good to be able to admit shortcomings.
I feel better physically too. I STOPPED checking my BP because I was obsessed. Once I stopped and just relaxed and made better choices every day I could feel myself stabilize, balance and simply feel better. I have been holding stress over my disability insurance, and adjusting to my being home and to going out - wild huh?? :-) I know I am in transition - and I was doing it with my heels dug in as I resisted the movement - not anymore. I am gliding along now - like an ice skater on a smooth lake. Oh I know there may be a few bumps on the ice or I may grind my skates in to the ice and come to a screeching halt. -but that is temporary and will only last long enough for me to gather my thoughts, re-direct and start to glide again.
I am not sure how intense my October-blog titled "The Monastery" will be. I have many memories there of James and Daniel and Jill - I surprised myself when I went there the other day and took pictures. I will open myself up to whatever comes and I will honor that when I write. I cannot even imagine at this point in time. We will all be surprised. :-)
Posted by Gail at 11:42 AM