Thursday, September 24, 2009

OUT AND ABOUT AND A FEW UPDATES




I took these pictures the other day when I was out and about. The two pictures of the lake were taken right at the bottom of the drive up to our home. It is called "Lake Quonnipaug" and is in Guilford, CT. If you care to 'check it out' more fully you can google it!! :-) The farm land, upper left photo is at the end of the lake. It is a dairy farm. We live in a lovely rural area with so many offerings of simple living and natural settings. I/we are truly blessed. I also took pictures of "The Monastery" which will be posted on an October blog. It is a cloistered order of Dominican nuns. It will be the back drop for my "October-memory" blog. For those of you who have followed my truths, my "it's" you know well that October is particularly cathartic and I honor that catharsis, actually I encourage it because it is my truth to remember. If anyone wants to read one of the posts that tells this story it is titled "James-Daniel-Jill" and posted 9/4/08. If not, that's okay too.

I also want to tell you all that since I stopped expecting my daughters to act/behave/choose/live as I saw fit - I am so free. And, their freedom to just openly share with me has blossomed fully. There is a distinction this time of which I am so aware. Before, when they felt free to just "be" because I wasn't challenging them, I was pretending - hiding my true feelings of disappointment, hurt and so forth. This time I am not hiding anything because there is nothing to hide. I am REALLY free of judgment and desire to control and fix. Good Lord . I love them no matter what. I said to Skipp - "Now that I stopped being a jerk they are free to be themselves". He said, "oh honey, you weren't being a jerk" and I said, "ya, I was". :-) It is so good to be able to admit shortcomings.

I feel better physically too. I STOPPED checking my BP because I was obsessed. Once I stopped and just relaxed and made better choices every day I could feel myself stabilize, balance and simply feel better. I have been holding stress over my disability insurance, and adjusting to my being home and to going out - wild huh?? :-) I know I am in transition - and I was doing it with my heels dug in as I resisted the movement - not anymore. I am gliding along now - like an ice skater on a smooth lake. Oh I know there may be a few bumps on the ice or I may grind my skates in to the ice and come to a screeching halt. -but that is temporary and will only last long enough for me to gather my thoughts, re-direct and start to glide again.


I am not sure how intense my October-blog titled "The Monastery" will be. I have many memories there of James and Daniel and Jill - I surprised myself when I went there the other day and took pictures. I will open myself up to whatever comes and I will honor that when I write. I cannot even imagine at this point in time. We will all be surprised. :-)

Love Gail
peace.......

34 comments:

cinner said...

I am so glad things are better between your daughters and you. You are doing awesome. A beautiful place to live and to be. Take care, hugs

The-Grizzled-But-Still-Incorrigible-Scribe-Himself! said...

You live in a lovely area—a lake, rural lands, woods. I'm so glad you're getting out and taking photos.

I glad to hear, too, that you've quit stressing over your BP. You're freeing yourself more and more from a lot of other things and areas in your life, no need to substitute a new BP stress for an old one.

Relax. Enjoy. Get out and do things and live! And take care of yourself.

Gail said...

@GRIZZ -

Hi there. Ya, I am feeling and doing well- leaving the stress behind and realizing all my freedoms. It is always SO nice when you visit.
Love to you
Gail
peace....

@CINNER -

Yes, better indeed. :-) And thanks for all your wonderful support and your courage to forge on. You are an inspiration.
Love to you
Gail
peace.....

a corgi said...

I read that entry from 9/08; it always makes me angry when people say they are doing things because they are being led by Jesus; I think, though I can't speak for him, that it angers him too that his name is used so much in vain for such ill-gotten purposes; what a nightmarish time for you and Jill.....

I'm glad your relationship with your daughters is better when you "let go" basically. I'm dealing with something with my sister and I think I need to let go of my unrealistic expectations of what I want from her; she never gave them much in growing up together, why should she give them now? I'll have to stop my own expectations so I can be free like you are with your daughters and your relationships

betty

Gail said...

HI BETTY -

Thank you for taking the time to read that other post. I know it is a difficult read. And I understand about your need to 'let go' regarding certain behaviors of you sister. I will pray for you and her.
Love to you
Gail
peace......

Eileen said...

I have read your older posts and I know that there was a lot of letting go and a lot of holding onto involved with inching your way to peace about things.
I think letting go of the girls in a way is actually another wonderful step.
I've done that with my kids too, they still drive me batty with the choices they make, but I don't let it control me anymore, and I turn a deaf ear to everyone who says, "You have to put your foot down" "You have to demand (whatever)" "You need to (whatever the case may be again)", and I respond, "No, that's all been tried before and I'm tired of having all that negative energy in my life. Right now my main concern is my grandson, and trying to make the best home life I can for him. The rest I'll leave to God."
And you're right, it is very liberating. But I notice it also makes me a little cold-hearted, not stone-hearted, but a little cold, I think it's a defense mechanism. And I notice that I put a lot more emphasis on 'me' and also on my husband and myself as a couple, and I don't necessarily think that's such a bad thing.
I'm a little intolerant though if they start judging me because I feel like what's good for the goose had darn well better be good for the gander too!

Your day sounded lovely. Your home town and your home life are beautiful. You are very Blessed and I would be able tell that you know that without even having read it.

I hope as this October approaches there is nothing but peace for you.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.

And thank you so much for always being so kind to me.
Love and Prayers,
Eileen

Choices said...

Hi Gail,
I am so glad that you have been getting out and feel freedom. It is a wonderful feeling. You live in such a beautiful area and you can find peace as you go about. So nice for you.
Enjoy each day and take care of yourself.
Take care.

Wanda said...

Hi Gail...I guess the more you get out and about the easier it will be...your new normal as they say. It's nice that you live near a lake...water is so relaxing...and relaxing plus exercise is good for blood pressure...that sounds contradictory but You know what I mean...mental relaxing and physical exercise...like a nice stroll by the lake.

Take care Gail,
Wanda

Whitemist said...

Nice blossoming of thought with your children, that takes courage. My mom still wants some control of me, but there are other reasons for that (besides her political stance).
I can not wait to read your musing of the monastery.

PENolan said...

funny
I was just writing about love, freedom and acceptance too.
Must be something in the air.

Trust your process. October will always be October, and there's a lot to celebrate.

xo

Diana said...

Hi Gail,
You live in a beautiful place Gail. I have been thinking about posting photos of my neighborhood and street. Not as picturesque more like real life!
I am so glad that you are in a more relaxed state with your daughters and your health. I know that I don't have to tell you that it is an up and down road. But keeping the stress level down is of utmost importance!
You know all of this already but it is sometimes hard to follow our own advice! Love you Gail, Di

Gail said...

@EILEEN-

Thank you so much for all your validation and shared wisdom and support. I know you know about some of the challenges of being a Mom and it means alot to me when you share your personal journey.
I understand about the cold feeling - and ya, it is a defense mechanism and I think it is there so we can let our kids 'find their way'....otherwise we would try to be in charge forever.
And October will arrie and then pass. I am ready. :-)
Love to you
Gail'
peace.....


@CHOICES-
So nice to see you :-) And yes, it was a lovely day, for sure.
Love Gail
peace.....


@WANDA-
Yes, it is a lovely area here. And the lake is stunning to just go and sit by. And I understand well, the balance of relaxation and exercixe. :-)

Love to you
Gail
peace.....


@WHITEMIST-
So good to see you. :-) Interesting about your Mom and you and how she wants to control you! I am 'writing' in my head, as I often do before I post. Like I said, we will all be surprised! :-)
Love to you
Gail
peace.....

@PE NOLAN-

Hi Trish - You too huh? :-) And I will trust the process. And you are right - much to celebrate in October.
Love you girl
Gail
peace.....


@DIANA-
Hi there - and ya, stress can cause such havoc. I am working on just going with the flow more. I know you understand and I SO appreciate your shared wisdom and friendship.
Love to you
Gail
peace.....

Margie said...

Hello Gail
You always seem to share some words of enlightment that we can all take to heart.
I love these words, "Good Lord. I love them no matter what."
Our love for our children is unconditional and it's just a blessing to have them in our lives.
I admire you for the special person you are and I'm sure your children do also.

The pictures are lovely, you live in a beautiful area.
How wonderful to have that lake so close by.

Take good care of yourself.
It's sounds like you have everything under control...Bravo, Gail.
Sending you lots of good thoughts for joy and good health each and every day of your life.

Margie:)

Gail said...

HI MARGIE -

Thank you for your heartfelt words to me and your deep understanding and wisdom about being a Mom. And for you to see my words as enlightening is an amazing compliment - "thank you" Margie.

The lake and the farms all around us are such a gift to behold - and when the maple syrup shack is up and smoking I will get some photos of that too. And, just across from the dairy farm is a llama farm. I have many places to enjoy and take pictures. :-)

So nice to see you
Love Gail
peace.....

Mark said...

You are in such a good place!! I love how you are transforming.

Gail said...

HI MARK -
"THank you" so much for your kind compliment. And remember, some of your wisdom gave language to my transformation. We are all in this together however we come to cross paths.

Love to you
Gail
peace.....

Bernie said...

A wonderful post my friend, you are relaxing, enjoying and appreciating all that is good in your life, letting go of the negative and letting your life just "be"....perhaps its time to let Ocotber Memories go as well. You know you better than any of us know you so I trust your decision and what you have to do and know it will be the best thing.
I love that your bp is better just by the changes you are making, you are one strong, kind and loving lady.......:-) Hugs

Gail said...

HI BERNIE -

I am SO happy to see you. Thank you for all your loving, kind, supportive words to me. I really feel so much better and more energized. As far a my October post? I am already writing it in my mind - it is swirling. Please know itr is all good though - and by good I mean that my ability to feel and honor I see as a gift - thanks Bernie for being YOU, beautiful, loving, wonderful YOU.

Love to you my friend
Gail
peace.....

The Rambling Taoist said...

Transitions are tough on most everybody. You get used to things being as they are and then, all of a sudden, they are NOT. It takes a while to become used to the new pattern.

Gail said...

HI R T -

You are SO right - so over time this new pattern will be an old pattern and it will feel natural. phew.

Love to you
Gail
peace.....

cordieb said...

How blessed you are! I read one of the post about James, Daniel and Jill. I feel that you are not a victim, but rather a survivor! You are strong willed, able to survive anything coming at you. Still those who who hold positions of trust should never practice such manipulative doings. Such an experience could cause danger, even suicide to someone who is not as strong as yourself. Do these people continue their lives as if nothing ever happened...I wonder if they continue to manipulate. Anywho...enough rambling from me. I'm happy you're not stressing over bp and that you are developing a deeper relationship with your daughters...that relationship seems to get better each day. A blessing!!! Don't spend time stressing on anything..because like everything in life, this too shall pass. (I'm certain you already know that) :) I've got to go back and read some of your post from 08. Seems you've evolved tremendously.

Peace, Light and Love, C.

Matangi Mawley said...

hi.. you have a good blog here..

nice pictures btw..

there is something "feel-good" abt your space! i enjoyed reading u..

Gail said...

HI MATANGI AND
WELCOME!!!

I am glad you came by and that you enjoyed your visit. :-) Please, feel free to come by whenever you like. I will stop over at your place, as well.
Love Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

HI CORDIE -

"Thank you SO much for youir heartfelt words to me of understanding, support and wisdom. The other person, Jill, she was ready to kill herself - an I intervened two days before. Long story. And you are also right that I am NOT a victim - I am a survivor and I am quite free. :-)
As far as what each priest is doing now. One is a Congregationalist minister and one is a prison chaplin. Mind boggling isn't it?
Again, "thank you" for all of your support.

Love to you
Gail
peace......

Teacher's Pet said...

I read your September 08 entry...a hard read...and I admire your courage to share it...and Gail, I mean this from the bottom of my heart...I'm praying for you...for the hope that you can and will go on...with the knowledge that God has something special in store for you....something positive and meaningful...something that will change others' lives..You take the BEST care of you....and continue to stay in His Word...please...please do that. Don't let these people that 'led' you to believe they were of God to turn you against Him. What they did was NOT of the Lord. There are some evil people in this world....and there are some very Godly and loving ones. Surround yourself with Godly people.....you will be blessed by them...they will be blessed by you. I hug you real tight....and send you a smile from the bottom of my heart.
Smiles to you from Jackie

Gail said...

HI JACKIE-

Thank you for 6aking the time to read that post. And please know I have long since realized that I do have gifts to share and that my purpose and passion and faith are very strong. I honor this experience because it was life changing - and deserves a square in my tapestry of design. Nothing more, nothing less. "Thank you" for your deep care and kindness.

Love Gail
peace.....

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord said...

I love the freedom you talk about. I've felt that freedom, too. When we let others, and life, just be as they'll be. We mind ourselves, and let others mind themselves. Incredible! Not always easy, but always worthwhile.

Have a fantastic week!

Gail said...

HI MEGAN-JOY GIRL

Oh yes, the freedom is so good to feel. I am lighter and relaxed and able to give all that energy to myself. Amazing. "Thank you" so much for your kind understanding and support.

Love to you
Gail
peace.....

TheChicGeek said...

Hi Gail :D
What a lovely place you live in! You are indeed, blessed!

I'm happy for you that you have been able to release your wanting to control or fix your daughter's lives. It's a fruitless act anyway...at least with my children...LOL...so it is best to give it up. Years ago I gave mine up to God. I said, "God, you love them just like I do, please take care of them, watch over them, and let them learn from their mistakes along the way." It was so freeing for me. I knew they were in the hands of a power greater than myself and it freed me to just love them, right where they were. It is a wonderful feeling.

I do think too, we can worry ourselves sick. Time is a great healer and I'm sure you will enjoy your time at home more and more as the days pass!
October is my favorite month! I'm off to read your prior story and I can't wait for your post!
It's so nice to know a woman who knows to appreciate the simple beauty that surrounds her and lives with gratitude and appreciation.

Hugs to You, Gail!
Have a Beautiful Day!

Rose Marie Raccioppi said...

"I will open myself up to whatever comes and I will honor that when I write." This statement of yours bears gifts to ALL. And indeed your "freedom" Gail, reflects all of the heroic work you have done. Spirit serves you, Love guides you, and Wisdom celebrates you.

Gail said...

HI ROSEMARIE_

Oh my, your powerful words to me are so validating. "Thank you" for knowing me so well and realizing my journey - your compliment and validation is a git.
Love to you
Gail
peace....

Gail said...

HI KEL\LLY THE CHIC GEEK

You are wonderful - I am so in tune with the "kid in you as she relate to the kid in me. Through all of our adult wisdom we are still so young at heart. I feel playful near you and I love it. An

And freeing indeed - I love them as they are, where they are at and the rest is up to them and the God that watches over them. Amen.

Love Gail
pece.....

Teresa said...

Hi Gail,
You live in a beautiful place physically, and I am praying you will begin to live in a beautiful place emotionally and spiritually as well. I have been hurt more by people in the church than I ever have in the world, and I understand a little of the hurt you have endured (note, I said a little, because everyone's experience is different. God Bless you and I am so glad you are letting go of expectations concerning your children. I know it is very hard to do sometimes. ((((HUGS)))) T

Gail said...

HI TERESA_

I am in a very peaceful place emotionally and spiritually. I have long since been free of the betrayal. My choice to honor all my truths is a blessing and reflective of my healing.
And I know we have some similar truths -
Love and truth
Gail
peace.....