A TORCH STILL LIT - A SON SAILS

My step-son has finished Navy Boot Camp and Medic training school and now is going off to Japan tomorrow and perhaps to Kuwait in several months. I am worried.

When my step-sons were younger I was not allowed to be in their lives. It was very difficult for me and for Skipp to honor their mother's 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' approach to everything and sadly this rage in her justified her strong hold on their sons. They were divorced several years when I met Skipp and yet I still was seen as 'in the way'. She held a torch for him for many, many years. And only a year ago finally moved and married a man from high school she had once dated. His wife had died a year prior. When Skipp's "X" dated, which was only a few times over twenty+ ears, she would stop by Skipp's work to introduce the guy to him, seeking his approval. Can you even imagine?
And so my role became to free Skipp to be the best Dad he could be and on her terms. Which, as I reflect, were all designed to keep Skipp close to her. This song speaks for her.



And so I respected this yearning and honored her conditionS and never got in the middle of anything. I knew Skipp loved me and that we were doing what had to be done so he could be active in his son's lives. She had health issues and would have to be hospitalized and when that happened Skipp would go and stay with his sons. It was the right thing to do. He visited them at her home and took them places on weekends without me. It was just the way it had to be. Eventually she relaxed a bit and his boys could spend a holiday with us and visit - but that took years.

After she married and their eldest son got married and had a little baby girl, three years ago now. - we all embarked on a forgiveness journey. I don't know who started it or how it began but our little grand daughter Alaura had her first birthday party here, at our home, and Skipp's "X" and her husband came for dinner here and we all celebrated our grand daughter together. We all spoke honestly and lovingly and she admitted her rage and more importantly now ponders how different things for their sons would be had she not fought against them being in our lives. It was a tender and forgiving time for everyone. Skipp spoke truths silenced for years and she said she held a torch and wrongly denied him because of it - and truth be told - that torch is still lit!! It will never go out.

Still the damage was done, long ago and Skipp's sons are not close to me. We never got the chance to develop that bond. And so as his youngest boy heads off to Japan and perhaps war I am left in a distant space of my own fears and I am outside the circle of father and son, mother and son, parents and son. I never had the chance to complete the circle. And funny thing - as Skipp's "X" drives her son to the airport at five in the morning tomorrow, every fibre of my being believes Skipp should be there too. He is their son. I honored that back then and I still do today.

And so young man - of tender years. - I do love you although you never knew how much. I love you because you are your Father's son - because you are you. Be safe and come home to your parents well and strong. And may you continue to sing - dance- soar and sail...........



Love Gail
Peace.....