Wednesday, October 15, 2008

"What kind of news is it?"

I received some startling news. Not of politics or gossip from work or some rude comment on a blog or even from my local news station. I think there should be a different word for this kind of news, - like "Gah-news", information that makes you say "Gah". I believe Kevin, a fellow blogger used the word "Gah" when he miss-spelled something on a comment. So maybe that is not the right word then, thinking...................ummmmm, "Quick-Sand" - news, the kind of news that sucks you in, in seconds because it is really fucking important. Wait, important isn't a good word either - not strong enough. Ummmmmmmmmm........."Critical", nah, too math-like, ummmmmmmmm............................."Life Changing" - well, maybe, because that's the kind of news I received, but that phrase is too 'self-help- syrupy- "The Secret" and Dr Phil crap to fit. How 'bout "Fatal", 'Fatal-News"..... nope, that's too final, leaves no room for denial or hope or miracles or mysteries to be solved. Maybe "Shitty-News", hmmmmmm, too trailer-trash and vague. I could go with "Angry-News", but then it limits the realm of emotions possible when hearing such news so no to"Angry-News". I might say "News-In-General", but that would truly be an insult. I could say it is "Powerful-News", hmmmmmmmm, well, maybe. That one is a possibility. Let's try, "Absolute-News", again no room for the miracle in that word. I am thinking - "News of Clarity" - Oh my, I sound like an English bloke so - no to that. "Challenging-News" just came in to my mind - again, that suggests the news is such that it can be challenged and it's not my call to make. Wait, I know, "Deciding-News"....that leaves many options for the one hearing the news and for whom (or is it who?), the news is about. So that is possibility number two.
So far in the running are "Powerful-News" and "Deciding-News". I need at least a third possible and then I can decide with your input, I hope.
Moving along - Let's see - "Unbelievable-News", that one sounds like I was told of a phenomenon - which this news clearly is not. So, what is it then, what kind of news is it? "Eye-opening-News"? No. Perhaps, "Frightening-News". Again, too much inference. "Dis-heartening-News". I like that one but nah, it's just not the right fit. "Unfair-News". Ya, ya, I know life is not fair - therefore news is often unfair too, it goes along with the unfair life thing.

I just cannot come up with a third possible. I am leaning heavily toward "Deciding-News". It seems right some how. The other choice is "Powerful". Wait, "Catastrophic-News". I know people will say that is reserved for 9/11 or earthquakes, or floods or hurricanes and the like, I get it, okay? Geeze relax.

So it's a toss up between "Deciding and "Powerful", with me favoring 'deciding. What do you think?

If I can settle on what type of news it is maybe I will believe it and maybe I can tell it. Who the fuck knows? Gah.


P.S. 10/17 I chose "Deciding-News". It made the most sense.

P.P.S. - 10/17 I have added Kevin's suggestion, and with his word first, it fits better. SO the official choice is: "Pressing-Deciding-News"

I will tell you the news.

an immediate family member, was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. It is news that is both pressing and deciding. thank you all for following my process.



Fallen Angel said...

Don't you dare ever tell me to finish a story. While I still don't know what the news is, I would go with 'fucking gynormous news'.

Gail said...

Hi F A

If you read the email I sent you LAST NIGHT you would know exactly what the news is.
I will re-send it, in case it got lost.

It is gynormous, and I am glad you asked and commented.

Thanks F A



Anonymous said...

Dear Gail,
Hello. Alexander here. How are you this day. I read your post about 'news' with interest. I like your choice to call whatever it is 'deciding news'. I must admit I am curious about what the news is. I know I have no right to ask. I too have received my share of 'deciding news', haven't we all.
I also wanted to reference Daniel and James for a moment. I understand how he convinced you to engage in such abusive activity. I don't understand the relationship between Daniel and James. They were not allies. What were they to eacother while co-pastoring a church? Staunch enemies? I ask such things because I get the sense that these two men each used you for personal gain. If you can, I would like to understand, more fully, their behaviors as priests. I will admit that this request is selfish, wanting to validate my own approach to the priesthood by understanding their sins, their assault of you. I was forced out of the priesthood mainly for being gay which harmed no one. I trust you can understand my rage. Is it not yours as well?

Please don't think that I am not happy with Jona and my ministry of service. I have gathered by your posts that your life and home are peaceful and life giving.

I, perhaps like you, still struggle with the church and what it's leaders did to me. I wonder if my finding you here is also a means for me and you to process our experiences for a more complete resolve. I should only speakfor myself. I believe that to be true. What are your thoughts?

I understand if you find these questions outside the realm of this connection.


Comrade Kevin said...

Pressing news. How about that?

Gail said...

Hi Kevin -
wow, "pressing-news" good one, I never thought of it. Hmmmmm,, It is definitely 'pressing' and 'deciding'....... I could use both, "Pressing and deciding-news"

It feels quite right.

Thank you Kevin


Gail said...

Hi Alexander,
You have raised some difficult questions about Daniel and James. I do not mind your asking although I feel you searching through my experiences as a way to explain some of what the church did to you. What happened to me may not do that for you.
James was the leader, the stronger, the better homolist (sp), the revered, seen as Jesus incarnate in many ways. Daniel was not well versed, awkward, a flashy type with raw humor and a vanity that surpassed humility, always. Daniel saw himself as inferior to James. When I was "handed off" to him I became his opportunity to prove otherwise. If he "fixed me" then somehow that meant he was superior to James. He used extreme measures to prove this. I can't write it again.

I willingly did as I was directed and even easier was accepting James taking back control and undoing the tangible outcomes to Daniel's injustices and all in the name of God/Jesus.

Their relationship was one of competition, Daniel to James. James was defensive and angry and lost all respect, what little he ever had for Daniel.
Certainly no way to co-lead a faith community. It crumbled, all of it crumbled to the ground with me under the rubel.
Here is where we are similar, I, like you climbed out from under and are better off now than we ever were. The details of what oppressed us are only important in so mch as that we survived, fought to be free, and we are. - Free.

I can't give any more of me to help you feel resolved. The ignorance of those that pushed you out of the priesthood is different than the depraved abusive actions of Daniel and the deception and betrayal of James. I don't doubt for a second that you were deceived, abused and betrayed as was I. And yet the what and why remain forever unique to us each.

Did any of this help?


Patricia Nolan said...

You're in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

hello to gail T and fallen angel
it is jenna
it is easy to write in one place
fallen angel is smart
i feel stupid to write there
i read it all
i miss you sir i am good
i was sad of your sick family person gail
hi T you help me a lot
i dont have much words
i miss mom see her soon
garrett calls wants to see me
i say no
i talk to him on the phone
if he is drunk i hang up
ally and i hi lited our hair tonight
we had fun
we are riding horses tomorrow
porter too
garrett has a few boarded
he wont be there
my mom loved to ride
i wanted you all to know i am good
i am busy and safe
i thank you all


Gail said...

Hi Jenna
I was glad to hear from you and happy to know you are still safe.
Your going horseback riding with Ally and Porter I'm sure was fun today.
It sounds like you are doing things that young people your age should be doing-all good to hear.

Be well Jenna