The above two pictures speak for themselves. I hit my left side harder and this is the bruising on my arm and elbow. I decided to not post the picture of my butt with the bruises on my left cheek!!
For three days Skipp and I have been in emotional turmoil. Every time we make eye contact we start to cry and kind of clutch and grab on and grapple as we emotionally re-live the fall and the details of it, - all the while intertwined in a desperate moving hug of sorts. Hair and faces are gently stroked, hands held tightly, huge sighs and big tears, heads get lowered on to hands or on to shoulders and a perpetual back and forth of the head that means "no,,no, no"...... words are spoken of apology and "it's not your fault", more tears, more details, more "if only's"..... heating pads, Tylenol, moaning, and so we wrestled with every emotional detail for three days. Exhausting.
It seems that 'one moment' has impacted us harshly. And although we certainly realize the flip on to Wal-Marts pavement was traumatic, what we are experiencing in response is bigger that that and we couldn't seem to reconcile why until today.................. this "flip" is a microcosm of a bigger reality we grapple with and live with and manage every day. Ever since my M S diagnosis and when I have a 'flare-up' Skipp desperately wants to 'fix" it. His desire to help and fix comes form the depths of his loving heart and soul and he agonizes that he can't. When I flipped over in the rollator and he couldn't stop it , it re-enforced, and crystallized his powerlessness and mine too. As much as we are facing this illness together we are powerless, to a degree, over it's path just like on Monday when I began to flip backwards Skipp fell over with me - he couldn't stop me nor himself. We are in this together - sometimes both of us are going along for the ride. That certainly was the case on Monday.
And I am not saying there aren't many things we do to manage this disease together and individually. Regardless, sometimes I/we just have to hold on and hope for the best. It is in those times, when powerlessness is evident and the truth is driven in like a crooked rivet - it is a test and or a testament to the human spirit and strength - and sometimes we pass with flying colors, sometimes we barely make it, and sometimes, well...............you know.