Sunday, July 18, 2010

After the "Shift"

I am on the other side of the crisis - the hot piercing-excruciating pain in my knee and leg has lessened in intensity and will bear some weight without exploding like fireworks in pain. It is a long road of recovery - and a challenge to manage and navigate around the house for even the simplest of tasks like going to the bathroom, shower, and meals. Family and friends come by with prepared food and to take Gracey out for walks. I have it set so I can use my rollator to the back door, hook her on her long lead and I wait there for her and she comes back and I unhook her and she is all set. Skipp goes out and about with her in the morning and at night.

I get a bit of cabin fever being inside all the time. It is a God-send that we live in a home where every angle has a full view to the outside. Still, I need to be out on our deck even for a few minutes given the heat. I managed that today - phew. I spend a lot of time with my leg elevated and in the A/C. I am also so grateful for the view from my front picture window of our thick lovely garden filled with flowers, butterflies and humming birds. :-) I find such comfort in the view of nature and all it's gifts. It is healing.

I have missed my Mom SO much. And much to my delight my Sister surprised me and was able to get my Mom to my house last evening. Oh I was so thrilled. We hugged and cried and laughed and held hands. She is so weary and so small and fragile. We are all praying this second surgery worked - if not? Well, she is not willing to try again.................

I also was told by my neurologist that he does NOT anticipate my being able to work anymore. As much as I knew this to be true the actual words and actual notification to my employer of over a decade was very sobering to face. Another part of the "shift" that I have felt for a while now. I believe though that the "shift" has arrived - to another plateau or foundation of reality/truth upon which I will now adjust and become acclimated. I have arrived, once again. Now that I am here - well, that is yet to be determined as to what it all means. Part of me is excited by the challenge/adventure, part of me is grieving what was and part of me is relieved that I made it through this major "shift". And I still have to heal from the MS set back to fully realize and understand this part of my journey. Perhaps that is what this time is for - to set upon where the shift landed me for a time so I can feel the ground I am on - become familiar with my new surroundings/reality - discover what possibilities are available - define more fully purpose and prayer - hope and fear - strength and weakness - peace and quiet - love. I am here - healing and open to this phase of my life - after the "shift". I certainly never thought that the force of the shift would toss me around so fiercely and land me injured after the "shift". Good Lord!




Love, Gail
peace .......................



22 comments:

The-Grizzled-But-Still-Incorrigible-Scribe-Himself! said...

Gail…

It take time to find your place, and more time to find your way along whatever new road life has placed you upon. Going back is seldom an option; going forward is frightening and painful…but also enriching and rewarding. There are blessings ahead to offset the tears and fears; adventures to replace what you must leave behind.

You hold the keys to your future. Life will always set you on a new path, but the attitude you take as you travel will make all the difference. And it sounds to me like you're counting your blessings and not your losses. None of us when handed such scenarios can keep from getting discouraged—but just don't stay discouraged a moment longer than necessary. Have your cry; rail at the unfairness; whine and complain…then close that door and move on.

It's so good to hear about your Mom. And so good to hear you're on the mend. Please, please, please take care of your self. Don't get in a rush; listen to your body. "Slow going" is better than "no going."

Best, as always…

The Rambling Taoist said...

Unfortunately, I know all about shifts! The transitional phase -- as you well know -- is the hard part. It's that period of time when you can almost touch and taste what just was, but is now out-of-reach. In time, the new situation will become old hat and you'll find a bit of peace...that is until the next shift. ;-)

Whitemist said...

Gail you show courage, for you are on a journey that every one knows, but few recognize. And you have to face it a bit quicker than most.
That is courage!
Me? still can not decide if i am getting better or worse and i even have doctors perplexed. 4 day and few weeks to a couple of years is a big difference for recovery and as things change, those around me are encouraged. They say they do not know how i do it, they say they do not know if they could, but i think that strength must reside in each of us and just needs something to let it out!

PENolan said...

Don't blame her about all the surgeries, but it's a hard time. It's great that your sister got you all together.

Hope you stay on the mend.

Cinner said...

Oh Gail, I so hope the days get easier for you, good for you making it to your deck, the hummingbirds sound delightful, but not as much as reading that your sister was able to bring your Mom. The three of you have a lovely bond. Take care, know I love you and think of you often. be well.
Hugs.

Bernie said...

So glad you are healing Gail. It is wonderful to be loved and supported by family and friends. I am just so pleased that you had a visit with your mom, that is wonderful news.
Sorry about the news concerning your work.....it is an adjustment but I am sure you will do just fine.
You have come through shifts before and will continue to do so, it all will work out my friend, it always does.
Happy Monday......:-) Hugs

Gail said...

HI GRIZZ-

ALways, your wise words comfort, encourage and validate me. just came to terms with the "shift" - having arrived - and now open to what lies ahead. At times it was like turning a big water wheel in the opposite direction. I am here - having arrived - a but askew and injured but arrived none-the-less.


HI R T

I love your wisdom and real approach to life. - I know you know all too well about shifts. I am anticipating some peaceful surrender. phew


HI JOEY-WHITEMIST

I SO appreciate you describing this part of my journey as courageous. wow!! I see yours as courageous as well - and I am always inspired by your strength and fortitude and shared wisdom.


HI TRISH

I so respect my Mom's decision about no more surgeries. She too has shifted and arrived. I am so happy to have you come by - I Love your energy so much


HI CINNER-


your love and support and friendhsp mean so much to me uring these difficult dsays. I feel your loving energy all the way from your home to mine. :-)


HI BERNIE-

Oh yes, seeing my Mom was the best healing medicine ever. My sister too - she knew exactly what we all needed. SHe is amazing. thank you for all your love and pryers and hugs and shared inspiration.


Love to you all
Gail
peace and hope.....

Shen said...

Ah transitions... they really are what make up our lives. When we look back, that's what we see - the moments where one door closes...
... and another opens.
Don't forget that part.
Another door does open. There is a reason for the end of something and sometimes the reason is that there is something else you need to do.

I'm glad your sister was able and willing to bring your mom to you since you could not go to her. I'm still keeping both of you in my thoughts.

Gail said...

HI SHEN-

Oh yes, yuou are so right - I am ready for whatever the door opening has to offer. FIrt I must heal and then I can go through the door.

Love Gail
peace and hope.....

Wonderingsoul said...

Dear Gail,
As always, your courage and your incredible ability to somehow see 'beyond' leaves me with a swelling heart... Swelling because it seems to me that your way of being is so true, so honest and so brave... Swelling cos I feel overwhelmed by your determination to live and love and laugh.
(It does make me wonder how you can stand to visit me though - and please, no need to comment on that one).

I've been quiet lately but I have thought of you and the awful pain you have been in. I hope it eases soon, Gail. In the meantime, I'm glad you can get out a little and enjoy the beauty.

Much love to you.
x

Gail said...

HI WONDERINGSOUL-

I SO appreciate that you took the time to visit me and offer such kindness and validation, love and support. It, you, feel so warm and wonderful to me. You get me! :-)

Love to you my brave friend
Gail
peace and hope.....

SE'LAH... said...

prayers sent up for you, Gail. Lots of positive vibes sent your way.

your garden sounds divine.

one love.

Diana said...

Hi Gail,
I am glad to hear that you are healing albeit, slowly. And I am very grateful that you were able to visit with your mom. Your sister is a gem. I wish I had one! And while I am not in your position, I do understand the shift that you are going through. I am starting to feel this with Katie. I realize that before I know it, I will be totally alone. I don't have a clue what I am going to do. It is something that I am praying about, that God has something more in mind for me. I have always taken care of everyone so much that I don't know what to do with myself. A shift indeed! I wish that I had more of your insight. You seem to be blessed with that, at least to me. Love Di ♥

Wanda..... said...

Gail...your comment from Grizz says it all very well. I will just add, you seem to always find a way to accept change and make the best of what's given.

Gail said...

HI Se'lah-

I feel your positive energy. thank you SO much

HI DIANA_

I love how you connect so well to me in our joys and struggles. ANd I am amazed about how folks are identifying with this concept of the "shift". And oh yes, the empty nest is a BIG shift - by the time Dolan left for college, wel, I was ready for the serenity - and also he stayed s connected to me and still does that I was an on going part of his journey and I am so happy that i still am. So yes, you will feel alone and then you will find purpose and value in your new found time. I promise.

HI WANDA-

Thank you for seeing my process and mirroring it back to me :-) I do, in time, accept.surrender.


Love to you all
Gail
peace and hope.....

Mark said...

Gail,
You are in an amazing place and so aware. I love how through your awareness you have such clarity. You are living in the moment and inspiring all of us! Blessings of wellness and peace to you!

Gail said...

HI MARK-
So nice to have you come by and share your wisdom and eloquence of expression. I do have an element of clarity - it is true Mark - I came through the "shift"........bruised and battered but I made it ...

Love to you
Gail
peace and hope.....

Turquoise Diaries said...

I am sure that you will create a wonderful 2nd life for yourself Gail and I am sure that it will be the best one..
love,

Gail said...

HI TURQUOISE-

So nice to see you :-) and yes, I will create with what I have and find purpose.

Love Gail
peace and hope......

SE'LAH... said...

Just thinking of you today and hoping that you are feeling better than yesterday.

one love.

Gail said...

HI SE'LAH-

Oh how nice of you to come by. I was able to get to my Mom's today - we brought her roses and pastry. :-)

My husband helped me make it up the walk way from the car - it was painful and slow but worth it totally.

Love to you
Gail
peace and hope.....

eema levanah said...

Dearest Gail,

I read the previous post and wanted to comment, but didn't see the comment form available there.

I am moved to tears by your posts. It's so important to vent and release. Scream. Curse the world. Cry. Write. Let your emotions free.

I am there with you in mind and spirit, gently holding your hand.

With love,
EL