Friday, July 10, 2009

The Deer - "The Circle Of Life"


I was so thrilled when this lovely and large deer wandered out of the woods the other day. I was having a "lemon-gin-fizz" with my friend/mate from Australia - Dale. We both were so excited by the visit from the woods. She stayed a while, the deer and my friend!! :-) The rabbit came as well, although she stayed in the shadows so the picture was a blur.

I love when friends come by - planned and unexpected. There is always enough food, and a place at our table is quickly set - or chores that can be put aside so to spend time visiting. I am discovering and exploring a freer life style as I limit my work schedule to balance and manage my health. I thought this would be so hard to adjust to - and quite the opposite I am finding is true. I do feel some loss of my work as what I did was not a job to me but rather a calling - a ministry of sorts. Serving those in need during the height of their addiction crisis is challenging and intense and I was 'called' - 'destined' to serve those in need. And so, as I relax in nature, and find purpose in what bird seed to purchase and how to 'serve' the wild life that is all around me - it is, quite a change. And yet, I am easing into it without regret. In my twenty plus years as an addictions counselor I have had the privilege of being part of thousands of people along their journey to wellness. I am forever changed for having served so many. And, in some small way, I made a difference in their lives, as well. I know my ability to continue serving those in need at a full time or even part time employment basis is closing in - closing down - as doing so will make managing my health very difficult and could, in fact, increases my symptoms should I push myself. I have been wrestling with this reality - and holding on as best I can. I have a couple of fingers still clinging to the ledge - almost, but not quite ready to let go. Such things are NOT events, but rather a process.

I am pleased, for the most part, with the grace and calm I am experiencing as I surrender to my life's direction. Some mornings I am fooled, when I am particularly refreshed and feel energized. And so I embark excitedly, doing laundry, and cooking a meal ahead, and then I start to wane - feel the fatigue - the strain - and I know - I must balance and manage - and were I at my place of employment I would need to forge on and my symptoms would intensify - and then I am clear that I am right where I am suppose to be - home. - where I can stop and rest, manage and balance, pick and choose what I will and wont do, can't and can do - Sometimes I feel moments of anger at this disease and how it impedes me. I quickly move to all that I CAN do so long as I honor my symptoms and manage my life.

Knowing I will be retiring on full time disability soon is not easy to say. And so I am writing it, here, to all of you. I have some medical tests in August - I will meet with my neurologist again and the final decision will be made. In speaking with him today - he does not want me to return to work while I am having tests and until I am re-assessed. And so it is that I will be home. A place I love so very much. A haven, a sanctuary - a healing and loving tree-house.

And so what of the deer that came by? She, for me, means that the opportunities are endless in nature - that it is my time now to savor and explore and view and smell and feel all of it - I can be open to the unexpected and willing to go with the flow of the moment as never before possible. I am reminded of my childhood - a time when I was free to explore my yard and the woods and the apple orchard and the lakes and oceans. I had time and I was inquisitive and I loved exploring every season and all it's glory. And so I have come full circle - like a child again - free to explore and ally with nature - truth - perhaps an innocence again - caring for all of God's creatures.




and so it goes...................so it goes.

Love Gail
peace.....

22 comments:

The-Grizzled-But-Still-Incorrigible-Scribe-Himself! said...

What a fine and inspiring post. There is so much heart in your words—courage, compassion, love, understanding. You embrace life with passion—and no disease can ever, ever take that away.

Life for all of us is a process, Gail. The only difference is that some never learn, or learn too late; you have the very real blessing of early insight, of finding one of the great truths which will make your future so much easier, so much more rewarding. And it will be rewarding, I'm sure of that—for I'm sure of you and the person whose soul is so often laid bare here.

When one door closes, another will open. Life as defined by your daily work routine will change. So what? Your calling was not to that particular desk or room or whatever…but to servitude. You said so yourself. You're still called, still burdened with the desire to make a difference, to help, to guide and counsel and facilitate. And that hasn't changed.

So close your door when you must; not too soon, not too late. Then look around, there's another door just swinging open. Your door.

(P.S. You have taken a better backyard deer photo than I've so far managed. And it does look like a rather large whitetail, too. With luck it will return.)

Gail said...

Hi Grizz-

"Thank you" SO much for your very kind, very generous and very uplfting words to me. I am excited in many ways to refedine and redirect my gifts and talents and to savor silence and solitude and still serve as life unfolds. I have learned, learned well. I value each lesson, each time I was kicked around some, each time I stood up and said "enough" - "I am in charge now!!"
THank you for writing as you do - for "seeing" me and sharing of yourself openly and honestly as few can do.

Love to you my grizzled friend
Gail
peace....

anne partain said...

Hi Gail, I think there is a big secret to life. And those who learn to allow what comes, gracefully embracing change and finding the love and beauty in it are the ones who really fully enjoy their experience here.
Each life here is so brief. Wasting time judging and worrying about the details just stops us from finding the joy. Letting go can be very freeing, it takes courage and is, as you say, a process.

I love it when you talk about your little child being free to roam and explore and take delight in each day. How many of us do you think really experience that as adults?

I am so honored to be a part of your journey and to have you be a part of mine. xoxo

Gail said...

Hi Anne-

So nice to see you. And yes, life is so brief - so to give energy to the negative is not life-giving.

And I know intuitively, the adults who are in touch with their child within - and we frolic and delight so easily.

And I am very honored to be part of your journey too.

Love to you
Gail
peace.....

Eileen said...

I agree wholeheartedly that there are many ways to serve the Lord, and sometimes we may be serving Him best by acceptance.
Your willingness to do just that without bitterness is in my eyes a very benevolent service to Him.

A very uplifting, thought-provoking post.
I think this blog of yours is another service. There are those of us who thrive on the inspiration afforded to us by others.
Thank you.
With Love and Prayers,
Eileen

Gail said...

Hi Eileen-

"Thank you" for your very kind words to me. And thank you for seeing my blog as a 'service'. In saying that you have added meaning to my life. :-)

Love to you
Gail
peace.....

Wanda said...

I agree with what others have said very well already Gail...Your very being will continue to be of service to others...anyone lucky enough to find your blog will definitely benefit...
I believe the inner child is in all of us...we just need to slow down and let that child catch up...Nature has endless wonders for us all to take in...this time in your life can be the best time of your life...
I am looking forward to your future posts and all you have within you to share...You just have a different group now to serve...your blogging followers!

Smile and take care
Wanda...a fellow full circle person!

Gail said...

Hi Wanda-

Your generous words brought me such delight. "Thank you" And yes, full circle indeed.

Love to you my new friend
Gail
peace.....

Val said...

Dear Gail,
I am lacking in energy right now(that seems like such a stupid thing to say but it's so true) to respond the way I would really like to... but...I want you to know that this post -- and the comments after -- mean so much to me... at this very moment, the moment of my life - the process I am in...
Peace,
V

Gail said...

Hi Val-

So nice to see you here. I am very happy this post and the comments are in line and helpful to the process you are in right now.

Love to you
Gail
peace and rest..........

The Rambling Taoist said...

I'd like to offer some inspiring words of my own, but I think the comments thus far speak my mind, particularly those of Griz and Anne.

Bernie said...

Gail, I so loved reading your beautiful heartfelt post. So raw, so honest.....I love you for that. You are definitely "Grace under Pressure" and by accepting your disease, embracing your life you most definitely have come full circle. In some respect I have always had the little girl in me, and at times it shows....and you know what....its fun.
Take care Gail and I will see you in a couple of weeks when I get back.....:-) Hugs

Gail said...

Hi Bernie-

Thank you SO much for your loving words to me.
Please travel safely and have a wonderful, wonderful time going home. Ah home. :-)

Love to you
GHail
peace.....

Gail said...

Hi R T

thanks for visiting and for agreeing with the powerful and heartfelt sentiments of Grizz and Anne.

Love to you and Della
Gail
peace.....

Teresa said...

Hi Gail, I stopped by again to read your post and thank you for your wonderful comments on mine. I have discovered that surrender is so freeing, and it is never just a one time event, it is a daily, sometimes even every hour, every moment of the day, we need to surrender again. I do think your blog is a service, I am excited to read back, (I couldn;t find the one you sent me to) What month is it in? Again, thankyou.

Gail said...

HI Teresa-
"The journey from acceptance to surrender" is 4/11/08. It is at t he beginning of my blog.

There are some interesting truths in my posts that if you get a moment to look at you may find helpful. My blog is about "truth".

I am SO glad you are here and we found eachother - this is oNLY the begiunning of somethiong so wonderful. :-)


Love to you
Gail
peace....

Andy said...

Hi Gail,

Great post. I'm sure that this new time will be filled with some great stuff.

Having re-read the post I do hope my last one did not upset you too much. I've only just realised how you might have taken it, me so full of this new thing, just like a child, not realising there are others out there too!

Wanda said...

Hi Gail...I think you may be describing a Red-bellied Woodpecker...there is on on my latest post...the photos all enlarge if clicked.

Gail said...

Hi Wnda-

Yes, I believe you are right. I saw the one on your post. I will go look again and enlarge it.
Thanks SO much.

Love Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

Hi ANdy -

SO nice to see you here and red your words. :-)

ANd you didn't upset me - I just feel, very deeply, so as your end with "V" arrives I feel your sorrow. Your last post ws particularly moving.

You need not do anything different for my sake in your writing. I have followed every moment and feel honoroed to have been able to do so.

Love to you
Gail
peace..........

PENolan said...

Hang in there, Gail

Gail said...

Hi Trish -

Thanks.......... and I will. :-)

Love you girl-
Gail
peace.....