Thursday, July 16, 2009

BREAKFAST




These are some of our guests for breakfast each morning. They wait patiently for their meal to be served. The finches are all set since their food is in their feeder. The others wait for me to get up and serve them. I love it!!
I love the predictability of their arrival each day. I find it comforting, secure, and without pretense. They show up as is, and partake of the meal set out for them. I don't need to fuss or dress up or even comb my hair - I sit at the table in my jammies, sipping hot coffee and watch my guests enjoy themselves. Sometimes they quibble over a peanut or dried berry - no different than us humans wanting the cheese that slid off our slice of pizza and was left behind in the box. I am quite territorial over such things. :-)

I love to entertain. And these guests are delightful.

Over the years so many have sat at our table and enjoyed a meal and some wine and good conversation. As my life continues to redefine I am remembering so many faces, hearts, spirits, laughs, tears, holidays and celebrations and a squabble or two. Hi-chairs and booster seats, stools, chairs and upholstered benches that supported many a behind - round tables and harvest tables and picnic tables covered in dinnerware and deep blue glasses and sippy cups and plastic bowls and crystal stem ware and gold plated flatware and airplane shaped forks and plastic utensils and cloth napkins and paper napkins and sometimes paper towels and bibs and salt and pepper shakers and old hand me down bowls and corning ware dishes filled with foods all prepared with love and just the right seasonings. Oh yes, many many people have 'broken bread' with us. And as my Dad would say, "If you leave this house hungry or sober it's your own damn fault"!!!!! :-)

I am a bit nostalgic today. I had my appointment with my neurologist. I am pleased. Odd word to use because I am talking about letting go of my life's work - at least in how I was able to perform it for over 20 years. As harsh a reality as this is I am relieved I know. He asked some finite questions which had defined conclusions. I have been hanging on to the hope that my symptoms were going to improve - and therefore I would be able to perform my job. Not the case - where I am at is just that - where I am at - I can manage this - I can remain independent - I can be true to my limits and enjoy my freedoms. Pushing myself to perform beyond my ability will further lessen the quality of my life. Again, I am glad I know. Next month is more tests and collecting "hard data" to support my managing my health. I see him again, mid-September to conclude and define. The hand writing is on the wall - as the saying goes.

So what does this have to do with breakfast with my wild life fiends, or nostalgia for the many meals shared for many reasons - it is quite simple actually - I am hanging on to what is mine from days gone by and days ahead. I am cushioned nicely in between. Oh there will be many meals and celebrations in our home with family and friends - and there will be many breakfasts with my wild life friends - so as much as so much has changed - so much is still the same. I am moving along the spectrum savoring every moment albeit it harsh or freeing - it is life, my life....





Love Gail
peace.........................

18 comments:

Alisha said...

What a way to start the day :)
XO
Alisha

Gail said...

Hi Alisha-

so nice to see you here.

Love Gail
peace......

Eileen said...

You definitely sound like you are in a place of acceptance. An open heart, a trusting soul, these always humble me and leave me in awe.

'Glad I found you, Gail.
You are in my thoughts and prayers,
Eileen

Gail said...

Hi Eileen-

I am so glad to see you. Thank you for your good thoughts and prayers. And I am glad we found each other too.

Love Gail
peace.....

Wanda said...

Hi Gail...
I admire people who don't let the harsh realities of life get them down...illness is a harsh reality...one has no choice but to face it and attitude is everything.
Whatever stage of life we are in, each has it's advantages...and they're easier to find if we're looking up!

The Rambling Taoist said...

I think you're going about this in the best way possible. Our lives are a journey. Every road is filled with potholes, obstacles, and bends in the road we didn't anticipate.

If we trudge forward with our heads down, we miss the beauty and mystery along the way. If we try to resist the contours of our path by stopping altogether or heading off in the wrong direction, all we bring upon ourselves is added pain and stress.

Every road provides meaning. It may be not what we are used to or prefer, but if we walk with our eyes and hearts wide open, we will find love hidden even amongst the brambles and weeds.

Gail said...

Hi R T

I really appreciate your words which I agree wit 100%. So nice to see you here.

Love Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

Hi Wanda-

Harsh indeed.........and I have my moments with this truth - and yet I am so thankful for so much - I am moving forward moment by moment.

Love Gail
peace.....

Mark said...

I love that you are savoring every moment and that you seem to understand and accept the changes and that you are not what you have done for the last 20 years. New beginnings. Hugs.

Gail said...

Hi Mark-

So nice to see you. I love the line you wrote - "you are not what you have done for the last 20 years"..

"thank you Mark"

love to you
Gail
peace.....

Eileen said...

I've been reading you (still more to read, but a few months back anyway), and you have faced this and more with courage and conviction. I am inspired by your 'victimless' stance on each hardship you come face to face with.

I can't know for sure but I think we share a similar situation with our daughters and grandsons. Not an easy situation, but like you, I realize I am not in control. I state my opinion but then back off and trust that the Ruler of our Lives is Handling it all.
There's something so peaceful about handing it over, and Who better to hand it all off to than God? I'm still not happy about the situation, but I am peaceful.

Once again, so glad God led me here.
All the best,
Eileen

PS ~ please don't mention anything on my blog about this situation with Jayden and my daughter, she reads my blog. Thanks.

Gail said...

Hi Eileen-

always SO good to see you. Thank you for your kind and validating words to me.
Yes, I have faced many challenging trials all of which made me stronger. AS you read further back - hang on to your hat!!!! - Especially the post "James-Daniel-Jill".
And thank you for sharing with me about your daughter and grandson. It took me a long time to turn it over and inmy heart I take it all back at times. sigh....and no worries, I will NOT mention any of this on your blog.

Love to you
Gail
peace......

PENolan said...

I still say that when you write about sex, it's like you're writing about the natural world which is a cool way to explore a topic that gives some of us the jitters.

Gail said...

Hi Trish-


Ya, sex is a jittery topic some times. I like that you see my writing about it as 'natural'... and I am ponderinmg another post. :-)

Love you girl
peace....

The-Grizzled-But-Still-Incorrigible-Scribe-Himself! said...

Hey, I saw this yesterday, but guess I got mixed up between our emails and thought I'd also left a comment here.

What you say is true, about both hanging on and anticipating. Life…is; not yesterday or tomorrow, but now. Yet there is also both past and future, memory and hope. But use them to do your living in the here and now.

BTW, none of these are the bird shot you wanted me to check—right?

Gail said...

Hi Grizz-

You are so right on.......it is the here and now that we are "in". :-)

and ya, the bird on the left - although you can't see his 'red helmet' eesh. or perhaps that is a winter dove - oh my.

so nice to see you

love gail
peace.....

The-Grizzled-But-Still-Incorrigible-Scribe-Himself! said...

Gail…the bird is a mourning dove.

My guess is that the red you saw was caused by iridescence—luminous colors that can be very bright, almost glowing, and seem to change when seen from different angles. Like those swirls of color in a sheen of motor oil or gasoline.

A dove's feathers can iridesce, break up the wavelength of light into various color segments—especially toward the red end of the spectrum…red, purple. The top of a dove's head doesn't have red feathers, but it could show red this way—and look just as real and red as though the feathers were there.

Gail said...

Hey Griz-

Ya, this picture is a morning dove as I thought. And I SO appreciate your describing the hue of colors. Although this other bird definitely has a "red helmet" on his head -and tweed feathers on his back. No illusion- the real thing. I think it is a woodpecker. Oh my.

Love you
Gail
peace.....