ANNIE

I was quite happy to see that some of you responded to the 'inner-child' post and even named your inner child. :-) In my work in addiction counseling within an in-patient rehabilitation setting the inner child groups are always so powerful. I am always so moved by the courage, strength, endurance, and survival of their inner-children. Children they, like me, hid and dismissed for so long, believing that whatever happened to that child was just too painful, shameful and tragic to reveal. And coming to realize that this same child is, in fact, their greatest source of wisdom, hope, strength and freedom. Take a moment to listen to this song, please.......










"Annie" is so free and so thrilled to have a voice. I silenced her for a long, long time. I didn't know about the power of "truth" and regardless of the details of my truth "it" is part of me and therefore has purpose, place, passion, wisdom and needs to be loved with all my other truths. All the other parts of me. I fought against this for years. When I met James, the priest, - my journey to truth began. Annie was buried, silent and afraid. He saw her through my spirit - spoke to her for the first time, and freed her, gave her, her voice.......and gently brought her in to the light. It was a long journey. I did not want to remember, feel and know what happened to me. James taught me, showed me, believed in me and Annie, and so it came to be............I remembered, I felt, I surrendered to truths that are unthinkable, unimaginable, and yet my survival, my existence, my strength and courage are also true and purposeful. I was in a swirl of emotions from paralyzing fear to agonizing memories and cathartic recall that almost broke me. But it didn't break me, I am here..in full memory, full disclosure, full truth. All love. Amazing.

When I was to finish my journey with Daniel, the co-pastor - the truth became a tool - a means for Daniel to use me and Annie. I obeyed - like a good Catholic girl should. I believed Jesus was guiding him and that he loved me. He told me again and again that he did and that he would never hurt me and that Jesus would help him sacrifice that so I could be free. I followed him without question, - doubt - but never question, and so he brought me to my knees.....and James found me. And later said it never happened. The priesthood is quite a brotherhood of deception and cover-ups!!!

I survived. It was the only time I ever wanted to die - but I didn't. I survived, I stood up again and I fought. I found an honorable and professional therapist with appropriate boundaries and no "agenda" except to help me heal. And I did. Amen.

Annie is alive and well. I do believe that most of us have an "inner child" we need to be in touch with intimately. I learned that every decision I make needs to consider how the little girl in me will be effected. I picture me at a young age and ask, "how will this effect her?" It is so wondrous how doing that changed my life for the better forever.....Annie is my guide, my most powerful source of courage and strength. I adore her. And to think that for years I was so ashamed and so intent on hiding her - hiding my truth. No more.

I hope you are all in touch with your inner child and that you always give that part of yourself a voice and a place in your life. To do so is all loving, all surrendering, al purposeful, all freeing, and life giving to you and everyone you meet.

I will end with another favorite song of mine and of my brother-in-law Kel's - who died just six months ago - and saw his last sunrise htrough his wife's eyes and his two son's eyes as they all looked out that window facing East - kel's oldest son, Clayton? He was waiting just the other side of the sunrise - open arms to welcome Kel home.




Love,
Gail/Annie
Peace.......