His name was Marc

What is truth? Is it subjective? Is it objective? Is it your perception of me verses my perception of me? Are both perceptions correct? Is truth so intimate with the self that no one else can ever really know truth, other than their own, if they choose to?

There are worldly truths - the sun will rise and set, the moon will cycle, the seas will ebb and flow, seasons change, storms rage and subside, nature has it's design, and all forms of life begin and end. I, like you am a form of life, a speck in the whole of all creation - and I, like you, have a true form with spirit, essence, purpose, passion, desire, faults, talents, power, love, and yes, - truth. Over the years I have come to understand that my truth isn't really important to anyone else but me. That's not to say that people who are close to me don't appreciate my life's experience and wisdom gained - however, ultimately, we are all alone with our truth. If I think too hard about that I feel foreign, alien like. I suppose that is why so many 'support groups' have come to be. It has to do with 'security in numbers, or not feeling alone with our truths, or believing that if others feel like me than I must be okay. Still, at the end of the day I, like you, am alone with myself. All things considered, and following years of self evaluation, I am actually okay being alone with myself. And actually, as I sit here thinking, I have been okay with myself for a long time.

Sometimes though, as life happens, my 'okayness' gets challenged. This usually happens when some part of my truth is perceived differently then what I know it to be. The question here is "why does that even matter?" Also, the challenge has more of an unsettling effect if it is someone close to me, that matters in my life. I begin to ponder my meanings and intent as I wrestle with what I believe is a mis-perception, or perhaps a clearer, more objective perception of some aspect of myself that needs some redefining. I think perhaps I might explore this with the challenger, or maybe I will just dig my heels in and maintain..............after all, relationships require compromise, acceptance, even when people disagree, right? And then the issue gains clarity - it is about fear. The challenger's fear or mine? - maybe some of both. Fear that the relationship will end if I am not who they believe and need me to be to them, or, if this facet of my truth is so unappealing to them that they can not relate and so they leave - or is it their inability to ally with me that has me considering not being true to myself or staying true and then leaving - with my truth in tact. It is then that the real truth is bigger than the truth. Fear. Have I self-actualized so much that I can continue to 'defend' my position to the point of loss and no return? There are few circumstances that I can think of where I would. The few are powerful, tested, tried and true for me - have little wiggle room and to surrender would be a personal sacrifice and self-deformation of character of monumental proportion. These circumstances deal with, mis-use of power, violence, hate crimes, abuse, betrayal, and indifference, to name a few. I cannot be swayed to veer from my standings on such things, better said, I will not be swayed.

For the most part I choose to have people in my life that are of similar thinking, values and traditions as me. I think that it is human nature to be drawn to those most like us. Entire cultures are built on this. Even in blog-land we pick and choose which ones to follow based on their content and how that content "fits". I like that I know what works for me and what doesn't. I like that if someone else's opinion or view challenges my perspective I explore that and decide if there is room for change. I like when someone agrees with me and not because I need it but rather because it just feels good. It is clear that "I have arrived"......there is a truth to that, that I find empowering. I am happy to report that those BIG issues I wrote about don't often come in to play with people in my life. Mainly because, as I said, I have people in my life that are similar to me and our differences are not so left of center that we cannot still relate harmoniously.

A very dear friend of mine has different values than me about 'women/men'. We often go round and round on this matter. He spoke of strip clubs and how he would "look in to their eyes so that they would feel better about themselves"!!!!! There was so much wrong in that statement that I didn't know where to begin in my response. He is also someone that would go to the ends of the earth for me. I really struggled with how I could be in a friendship with a man who thought so little of women and saw himself as so powerful as to be able to influence a stripper by where his eyes looked. I get sick to my stomach thinking of such righteous bullshit. I told him exactly how I felt and he thought I was crazy. We didn't speak for weeks and weeks. In time, the bigger truths won - such as kindness, support, love and agreeing to never speak of his strip club experiences again. It was a close call though - one of those times that the who of who I am, my truth, was bigger than the friendship - one of those times that i 'dug-my-heels-in' and stood firm on my self proclaimed moral ground. I still believe what I believe. I still dislike, actually despise this part of his 'macho-man delusional -thinking. But the truth is I love much more about him than I dislike. It took time to discern - and our friendship won. My point is everything in life is a balance. I am not so rigid that what I found so distasteful would negate what I appreciate. There are times when that would be the outcome - and believe it or not, there is only one time in my life when that happened - and that's a story in-of-itself. His name was Marc.

Love Gail
peace......