Saturday, February 21, 2009
"This land is your land - this land is my land - from California to the..........."
Nice view, huh? That is some where in Virginia. I am getting better at putting photos on my posts, not so good at the video thing. Not without Dolan right here prompting me. My goodness.
Anyway - back to Virginia. My husband traveled there a week or so ago (so be the photo). His youngest son is going in the Navy and he went to spend a few days with him before he left. Interesting scenario. You see, years ago, when Skipp and I first fell in love and blended our lives - his world, the one that included his X-wife and their two sons - there was no blending to be had. It was a difficult time for everyone. I never wanted Skipp to feel pulled between me and his sons. I maintained a position of support, freeing him to be the best Dad he could be - the best Dad she would allow him to be given her "getting even with him for leaving her" approach to moving on. Mind you, they were already divorced for a few years when Skipp and I met. Her torch stayed lit for many years - and truth be told? She, despite her new life, new husband after 20 years alone - torch in hand? Would run back into Skipp's arms in a heartbeat.
For years I stayed in the back ground of them parenting their sons. They were often used as pawns - a means to control. Skipp never allowed her manipulations to interfere with his relationship with his sons. I was often amazed at what he would tolerate. So many times I wanted to challenge him but I would never. Instead, I stayed out of it and applauded his efforts and his understanding of his sons Mother's behavior. I never was the insecure type. I believed in him, I believed in us and I honored the father-son relationship Skipp maintained, no matter what. And so they grew up, and moved away. She re-married to an old high school sweetheart and moved to Virginia. Their youngest boy eventually moved their too. So be the trip to Virginia. Skipp actualy stayed at their home for several nights. SHe has told me over and over how nice it was to be with Skipp. No doubt!
THere is a miracle in all of this. When their oldest boy had a baby-girl almost three years ago it became time to not repeat old patterns but rather come together for the sake of this new baby girl. She and I began to email and lay some things out on the table. Skipp had some lengthy phone conversations with her which 'cleared the air' as best as it could be cleared. The point is we all could hear each other and we all listened. She was finally able to say that she often wonders how differently their boys would have grown had she allowed them to experience Skipp and I together. A question that will always remain unanswered. Apologies were made for many reasons and the healing finally began. This is nothing short of a miracle given the years of hardened rage and pain.
This miracle of forgiveness lives on...........it is why we were all able to be here at our home for our granddaughter's first birthday. It is why, when their oldest boy was going through his divorce and was seriously depressed that we all came together to reach out to him. It is why Skipp was able to comfortably stay at their home in Virginia. There are so many other examples of the miracle of forgiveness that have happened since we all decided to forgive.
Love and healing
Posted by Gail at 9:57 PM