Sunday, January 4, 2009

I Was Lost And Now I Am Found

Somehow, as of late, I lost myself on this blogging venture. My blog is about truth. It is about owning my truth and loving myself regardless of the details. It has been no easy journey to self, to the truth and I am integrated with it all. My writings also give honor to my life as it is today. I am blessed to be very content in my marriage. Our love is kind, adoring, purposeful, powerful, peaceful and free. We share these gifts of "us" and our humble home with others as it is impossible to contain, nor would we want to. It is bigger than "us."

Early on, when my blog first opened I was challenged to share about my "It's", and I did. My life's experiences run a full spectrum, from childhood sexual abuse to abuse by clergy, memory work, loss, agony over my kids, fears, hope, and also my struggle with having been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis almost five years ago. Although, as I look back over episodes of physical weakness in my life I know I had M S long before then. Which, as unpredictable as this disease is I fight every day to maintain my balance, (sometimes literally), and be the best I can be while having a reality base about my limits. No easy task, for sure.

I have, by suggestion a while back, been advised to write in metaphors. One in particular got great reviews, "Monster". "Between Storms" is also metaphorical about struggles over which battle to fight. I have written of my understanding of all human behavior, at length in one particular post titled, ummmmmmm, "Choice Theory?" I can't recall. I'll go look for it in a bit, maybe not. I have posted about my Mom and her ability to see my Dad for years after he died. I wrote my experience of "The Great Debate" which changed me forever. Everything I write is the truth. "Why I hate Elmer Fricke"" and " "James-Daniel-Jill", "The Kid In Me', "Nests" -
And yet somehow I feel a bit lost on my own blog. I decided to find myself again by writing this. I have nothing to offer except me. How I write on any given day is where I am at that time and it is my best attempt at my process. Sometimes the only way I can process is to take the issue outside myself and experience it through someone else's situation, especially if their situation has a familiar 'ring' to me.

I also know that I can only write in ways that work for me and no one else. I started to think otherwise for a short period and in that short period I got lost. Very short! I have real, honest and true things to say and write about, - my life has given me that. I am grateful for every experience which has enriched the fabric of my design. Each square in my tapestry is bound with various colored thread, some bright, some dark, other's light and some tattered. All together it is 'me'.

So here I am, 'me' - Gail. Back to the beginning where I first posted what it means to "Know Your "It'S"......and when I wrote of the journey of 'Acceptance to Surrender". To all my readers I give you only what I am, nothing more, nothing less. My style on any given day to do that may change, ebb and flow, so-be-it, it is my blog, my way, my truth, my hopes and fears, my way of revealing and/or exploring myself and my life as I have lived it. I am not defending anything, rather I am reclaiming my place with all it's imperfections, it is perfect.

peace and truth


Kartz said...

Life is a journey of constant learning.

Hard to find people who stay *themselves* even in the virtual world.

Sincere wishes ma'am, and hope you find satisfaction in any enterprise you wish to undertake.

Peace. Take good care. Blessed be.

Gail said...

Hi Kartz-

In many ways this is a blind and frightening venture. The possibilities are endless.
Thank you for your kind and validating words.


PENolan said...

I swear everything is a blind and frightening venture. Getting out of bed in the morning can be damn alarming if you ask me.

You go, girl.

Gail said...

Hey Trish-

Thanks.... :-)

and ya, getting out of bed requires extreme trust!!

Love Gail

The-Grizzled-But-Still-Incorrigible-Scribe-Himself! said...


I took you up on your invite and have read much of your blog. I just wanted to say a word or two about writing—for this blog or anywhere else. (Writing is what I do for a living, and has been most of my adult life.)

Metaphors are fine; similes, too. Use them to enhance and clarify what you're saying. But make sure they're assisting your story, not impeding or hiding it somehow. I don't say this because I see anything wrong in your writing, BTW, but because you said something about being told to write in metaphors.

From what I've read, I'd say you have a lot to say, many stories to tell—worthwhile, interesting stories. My best advice to you is not to struggle with how to write—don't try and force a particular style or framework upon them, just let them speak for themselves. Write honestly, directly, and from as deep inside as you are willing to go.

Imagine your blog readers—are they casual friends, coworkers, good friends, family, or a small room full of more-or-less strangers? Write as if you were sitting before them saying or telling whatever you want to communicate. You pick the level of intimacy and personal insight, just as you do with people around you every day, and then make that your blog standard.

Just be yourself. In the end, people are either going to like you or not. They'll either share your values, or they won't, read your stuff or go elsewhere. But whatever the case, your job is to be you, as best as you can on a given day, in your writing, on a blog, in your life.

I hope this helps you in some small way. Don't sweat the writing details…just write.