Saturday, June 5, 2010

Matters Of Faith

We are all so eager to spew about faith when life is simple - no crisis - our belief and faith is solid. We are certain it is a faith upon which we can rely - no matter what. And then, something happens, and we find ourselves tilting our head to the side in wonder, question, uncertainty, doubt and anger. And I ask........Where is my faith now? How is it that this amazing and loyal servant of His, my Mom - who has followed Him all her life, believed in Him and did all things in His name - has betrayed her now - having her suffer and be afraid. "NO - NO - NO"!!!

And so I floundered in a dark and cold place. I even wondered or perhaps was planning how I could live my life in this uncertainty, in this no-faith-place, in what felt like darkness and cold. I reconciled it all by telling myself that at least now I cannot be disappointed or feel betrayed for I am the betrayal and the disappointment which is tough as nails. I entertained this for several days. and then......................

I realized that God has been part of a greater plan forever. I began to trace back the events that led to now. I was stunned, knocked over stunned with the truth of it all. I could even trace it back to choices my Mom and Dad made and that their parents made all in preparation for now. It is so perfectly mind boggling and certain - it is faith told - it is faith known - it is love eternal.

When I think of the events that brought me to Guilford, CT - and why I came here - the answers are penetrating. My sons father always said he wanted to live in this town - and he made that happen. Had I not met him I never would have lived here. And to think of what led me to him to get me here - my, oh my, oh my........

and then I had Dolan - and I returned to school for a higher degree. I began to deal with my childhood abuses from the teacher which led me to the Catholic church. It is there I met Kathy. She was one of my clients as part of the Pastoral Counseling Center. I really appreciated her and her journey and all her gifts and talents. After I left the church we lost touch. Some 15 year's later I received a phone call from two doctors that lived in Guilford. Kathy had been the nanny to their neighbor's son who was good friends with one of their sons. They were in search of a Drug And Alcohol Counselor - Kathy gave them my name. And so we began to meet and have done so for over two years.

The woman of the two doctors is a kidney specialist. Her highly revered 'Nephrology Associates' are now treating my Mom. It is so amazing when you "know" someone We have the doctor(s) private cell phone numbers. :-)

And so my temporary loss of faith, my doubt and uncertainty, my wonder and question and even my tilted head has straightened out. I know that God loves my Mom so much that He had a plan for generations so that when she needed the BEST kidney team in the country she would be positioned by events to have just that!!!!!! I fall to my knees in humble gratitude at the immense power of this revelation. It is so huge I can barely carry it - and I mean that in the best of ways.

Take a moment...........



And so we are in the storm - and so we are not alone. Amen.





22 comments:

Choices said...

Hi Gail,
Such beautiful post. I am so happy things turned out for the good.
Take care and Smile.
Have a wonderful day.

Diana said...

Oh it definitely can be extremely difficult to hold on to our faith especially through difficult and trying times. And I have been told that thats when we need to cling to it the most! So I guess we just do our best and keep trying. Everyday. I will be praying continually for your mom and your family Gail.
Love to you, Di ♥

Gail said...

HI DIANA_

Oh yes, a test of faith, indeed. Faith won! :-)

Love you my friend
Gail
peace......

Gail said...

HI CHOICES-ANNE

So nice to see you and I am glad you found this writing to be beautiful :-) = me smiling

Love to you
Gail
peace.....

PENolan said...

Hang in there, girlfriend.

Gail said...

Hey Texas -

I will, I promise.

Love you girl

Gail
peace and hope.....

Wonderingsoul said...

Dear Gail,

You are an incredible person.
I admire you so much.
There's a song that you should listen to by a band called Lifehouse.
It's called Storm. Your last line reminded me of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_jSSVJwGek&feature=related

xxx

Gail said...

HI JOEY - WONDERINGSOUL

thanks SO much and I am going to listen to the song you told me about. I already know it will be amazing, just like you my friend, just like you!!

Love Gail
peace and hope

Gail said...

JOEY-WONDERINGSOUL

OH MY GOODNESS - THAT SONG - "STORM" IS SO WONDERFUL - 'THANK YOU' SO SO SO MUCH. I AM OVERWHELMED

LOVE YOU MAN
GAIL
PEACE AN HOPE

Teacher's Pet said...

Gail, I've been away for so long...and haven't read earlier blogs, but as I read this one, I realize that your Mom has been ill...and I do hope that she feels the tender and healing mercy of our Lord. Take care of you, Gail.
Hugs and smiles,
Jackie

JD said...

Hi, Gail,
This is a great post. I think it's not so much a walk of faith, but a roller coaster ride, with many ups and downs, twists and turns. I take to heart what someone once shared with me, that the opposite of faith is not doubt, it's certainty. Doubt is a key part of the roller coaster ride. It's a good thing I like roller coasters; hope you do too.

Gail said...

HI JD-

So nice to se you. And interestingly, in my profile - for 'the question', I ask - "In order for faith to exist within someone what cannot exist within someone. And the answers is, "certainty".....

and yes, it is a roller coaster of mammoth proportion.

Hope you are well.

Love Gail
peace and hope.....

Gail said...

HI JACKIE-

So glad you came by - :-) My Mom continues to teach us about faith as she carries on.

Hope all is well with you and yours
Love Gail
peace and hope

Wonderingsoul said...

I'm SO glad you liked it so much Gail.
It is one of the most beautiful songs I know, and sung by a Christian band who do 'real' stuff, as opposed to singing in spiritual cliches...

Hey Gail? What's with all the Joey stuff?
Who is Joey?!

WS
xx

Eileen said...

It really is amazing and it leaves me awe-struck to know how perfectly orchestrated our lives are.

God must shake His Head in amusement every time we act surprised at the fact that He Knows what He is doing.

My Faith never fails me, Gail, but I fail it very often.
Thinking of you.
Love and Prayers,
Eileen

Gail said...

HI EILEEN

perfectly orchestrated indeed He knew all along. I too am awe struck

Love to you
Gail
peace and hope

Gail said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gail said...

HI WONDERINGSOUL

Please accept my apology, my heartfelt apology. I got confused with the names - you have a 'nic-name similar to another person and his name is Joe or Joey. When I commented I used his name instead. I am SO overwhelmed that I crossed over names. So, so sorry my dear friend. Forgive me, pleae.

Love you
Gail
peace and hope

Sniffles and Smiles said...

First off...I ADORE John Michael Talbot's music!!! SOOO amazing on so many levels...next, I am so with you on this...there is so much we don't understand...and yet, it is incredible that through the eyes of faith you are seeing how you are being guided and cared for throughout this extraordinarily difficult time...you are an inspiration!!! You are ever in my prayers...My heart is with you. Love, Janine XO

Wonderingsoul said...

Oh Gail!
As if you need to apologise for a simple mix up!
No worries from me... I had a goldfish called Joey once so I'm kind of partial to the name anyway! ;)

Lots of love
x

Gail said...

HI WONDERINGSOUL and your goldfish Joey too!! :-)

thank you so much for your kind understanding - I chuckled out loud over your goldfish named Joey -

Love you
Gail
peace and hope

Gail said...

HI JANINE-

I am SO glad you loved the song. :-)

And yes, when I saw through faith all that led me/us to now - I was knocked over with hu gratitude.

Love you too

Gail
peace and hope.....