Saturday, February 13, 2010

WILD THING warning - (some sexual content)


I went to the hair dresser yesterday and my new color is 'mocha' and it is very rich and sensual, I think. And I had my nails done as pictured above. Wild huh? This is me coming back in to myself, on firmer ground and in touch with my, shall we say, sensual self. I was commenting over at "whitemists' blog and I shared that when my husband Skipp came home last night I was asleep with Gracey-Blue' curled up at my side. I felt Skipp take my hand from under the covers so he could 'see' my nails. I heard him softly and happily say, "You are a wild thing". I drifted off to sleep feeling so adored. :-)

I am finding my center again - and have adjusted to some of the changes and I am less unsettled by the changes yet to happen. I found my place and strength and footing. Amen. And so, my playful, sensual, rebellious, high spirited self takes the lead!! I find myself daring and quick witted where before I would have leaned toward caution and observing. I am very much in tune with "Annie", the kid in me. I remember when feeling anything from that time in my life was horrifying - and I did all I could to escape any memory or feelings - and now, it is fun, and spirited, playful and even risky. As in NO fear.

I am comfortable asking for what I need as a fully alive sexual being - where before I was disgusted by those wants and desires and feelings. Anything associated with the teacher or the priests(s) I deemed immoral, evil, wrong and disgusting - I saw myself that way. Not any more.!!!! I celebrate those feelings now and have for a long time because to do otherwise empowers my abusers and dis empowers me. They had enough of me - I choose NOT to give any of my power to them. I remember those feelings well - and if I choose I can feel them again as they are part of me. And truth be told? When I am feeling like this, alive and in touch with my feminine and sensual side, I do think of them - because no matter how much I wish it were not true, they influenced my sexuality - and in order for me NOT to respond to their evil doings I must be aware of it so I can choose a healthier path - away from what they did. I am okay with the crossroad - it is my road to cross to goodness or to evil - I choose goodness.

And so I am happy to report that I (and Annie) are going to go out today and be young at heart, free, playful and so alive. The woman I am is going to ravish Skipp later - I have plans that will rock his world. And to think, there was a time I would have thought this evil - now it is nothing short of glorious and a celebration of love and my womanhood!! For anyone who knows of the agony and despair and pain of the healing journey from sexual abuse you know the miracle of this - I am filled with gratitude and thrilled that I am proudly, happily and now naturally, a "Wild Thing"!!!









44 comments:

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

'.....you make my heart sing...' After the healing work, it does become a choice. I like how you say, "I choose goodness". Have a great weekend, Wild Thing!

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

Hey Gail - I posted a poem for you on my blog by Emily Dickinson - What you express in this post reminds me of her poem "Wild Nights". Check it out.

Choices said...

Gail,
So happy to hear that you are now feeling like yourself again.
Have a very Happy Valentine's Day with your hubby that adores you. That is a very special thing. Enjoy!

Gail said...

HI CHOICES-ANNE

Thanks SO much for your loving comment. And I hope you have a wonderful Valentines's day too. :-)


HI BONNIE-

Thanks Bonnie - and yes, our healing work has many gifts - including being a proud "Wild Thing"!!! And I am going to your blog to read the poem. thanks. :-)


Love to you both
Gail
peace.....

cinner said...

Love the nails, wish you showed us your hair too, I am glad you are feeling so.Finding yourself anytime in life is a good thing, you make me smile. love to you,c

Gail said...

HI CINNER-

I couldn't seem to take a picture of myself, by myself. heehee

Love you a bunch gurl, "hey"

Gail
peace.....

Wanda said...

Purple nails and mocha hair!...You crossed that road well Gail.

Whitemist said...

Glad to see your freedom Gail-more power and peace. All those people were just afraid of what, i have no Idea, but they did instill fear. Glad you are free of it.

Just Be Real said...

Gail, thank you for your honesty here. Blessings dear.

Gail said...

HI WANDA-

I laughed right out loud when I read your comment. :-) I guess I did cross well, right in to wild!!

Love you
Gail
peace...............

Gail said...

HI WHITEMIST-JOEY

hanks for your validation and for understanding 'freedom' - yes, morE power and more peace.


Love to you
Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

HI JUST BE REAL-
You are very welcome. And blessing to you too.

Love Gail
peace......

Gail said...

HI JUST BE REAL-

I understand so well because you are describing me and how I once was. I too was a PP and one of my PP's was a co-worker. SO, I get it, big time!!

Love to you
Gail
peace.....

Teresa said...

lol! Good for you Gail!

Gail said...

HI TERESA-

"thanks", and happy Valentine's day to you.

Love Gal
peace.....

Diana said...

Good for you Gail, and good for Skip too I'm sure! Enjoy your Valentine!
Love Di

Teacher's Pet said...

Happy Valentine's Day to you, Gail.
I am happy that you are happy.
Continued blessing to you...
Jackie

Wonderingsoul said...

Hearing your words and I am so pleased for you to be living as the person you are.
xxx

Gail said...

HI JACKIE
HI DIANA

"thank you" both for your happy words to me - I hope you both had a wonderful Valentine's Day wiht people you love.

Love Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

HI WONDERINGSOUL-

"thank you" SO much. And yes, I am living as "me' with all my gifts flaws, blessings, hopes and promises. I pray the same for you.

Love Gail
peace.....

Iktomi said...

wow, you go, girl! :) find that sexy, fun woman inside you and let her have her day. :)

1022 Sea Shell Ave said...

Hi Gail :)

Your my hero!

Love to you and yours, would love to see the hair :)

Kim

1022 Sea Shell Ave said...

Hi Gail :)

You are my hero!

Love to you and yours on this special Valentines Day.

Kim

Gail said...

HI 1022 SEA SHELLS - KIM

Hero? Wow, too funny - and ya, the hair - I will try and have Skipp take a picture - thanks so much and Happy Valentines Day to you too

HI IKTOMI-

'Woohoo! I still got it!! :-)

Happy Valentines Day on your amazing farm - hug that baby!!


Love to you both
Gail
peace

Stephanie said...

You go girl! Gail, how wonderful for you to be able to move through such horror and embrace your femininity now so fully.
God created us to love fully-so you have at it, sister!
God bless you for having the courage to share your story so others can heal from it too.
Love back at ya, Gail. Thanks for always stopping by my neck of the blogosphere.
xo

Lola said...

I love your nails, Gail!
Mine are purple ;)

You know what?
You should read "Women who run with the wolves" because it's exately about the wild, instinctive nature of women. It's a wonderful book and perhaps you'll find it interesting at this stage of your life.

Gail said...

HI LOLA-

Purple too? WOw - love it. And that book - Women Who Run With The Wolves"? I have it, love it, live by it. I SO apprecaie you seeing it's connection to me :-)


HI STEPH-

I am humbled that any part of my truth helps others - and it gives me great hope to know that my struggle to embrace all of myself is of value beyond me. So nice to have you visit/share. :-)


Love to you both
Gail
peace......

Finding Pam said...

Hi Gail, this is a very powerful post and I love the transformation you have made. I struggle with that too.

Thank you for sharing your growth with us. You will never know those you have helped.

Now go and ravage that husband of yours.

Peace and love,
Pam

Mark said...

Go on you wild thing! You are in such a great place.

Gail said...

HI MARK-

thanks SO much for appreciating my wild side!! :-)

Love to you
Gail
peace.....




HI PAM-

I am humbled, like I have said, that my journey shared offers hope - and I am thrilled as well. Skipp is home today and tomorrow so we ar going to savor one another and the snow and all the comforts of home, wine, food, a warm fire and so much love.


Love to you
Gail
peace.....

cordieb said...

You Go Girl!!

Clare said...

Oh Darling Gail....... yo truly refresh my soul! Your truth you tell makes me want to join you shouting from the mountain tops that I have not been free enough to climb. Your voice...... "wild thing" was the cutest! how we.... who have been abused are so careful....... I needed this today more than you know. thank you for coming on my post. I have written About two times ..... the abuse in my life. It is on my blog. I will write today about the third and set myself free. You have done more for me this morning..... by your realness.... simplicity....just saying it like it is.....and still with the beautiful innocence of a child. It wasn't taken from you.....
your beauty..... I see and feel it shining through brighter than ever. I am so proud of you! You rock,
my new friend.Thank you. Clare

Gail said...

HI CORDIE -

"Thanks Sista!!! I love you a lot. :-)

Love Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

Hi Clare-

I am so happy we have met. And I am really humbled by your kind words to me - again I am amazed how my shared truth in it's raw simple form can offer hope to anyone. I am so glad you are on your way to being free and I am honored to be even a small part of your healing work.

Love to you and I lok forward to our friendship developing over time.


Love to you
Gail
peace.....

Eileen said...

Well, it sounds like somebody had a nice weekend! Kudos!

I so get where you are coming from, about things once deemed shameful, now being cause for celebration, and a demonstration of love rather than a reflection of a bad memory.
I left all the 'crap' behind long ago, and yes, it is very liberating! Such a shame to think of those who can't pull themselves up from the degradation, and it makes you appreciate the Blessing all the more.

'So happy for you both!
Love to you,
Eileen

Gail said...

HI EILEN-

Oh my, "thank you". I feel such a kinship and sisterhood with you on matters such as these and so much more, like Motherhood and being a gramma (Umma) and on and on. I am so glad we met! :-)

Love to you ,y friend/sister
Gail
peace.....

Lola said...

really?
I LOVE this book, it has changed my approach to life.
:)

Gail said...

LOLA_

Yes!!, really as in absolutely - great, great book with intent that speaks to my soul.

Enjoy your week off - I will miss you.

Love Gail
peace....

Shen said...

I am so happy for you. Wonderful to know people can get through this and come out the other side and accept and even revel in the natural feelings and urges we all have. I hope to get there one day.

I responded to your comment on my blog. Thanks for for taking the time to explain that to me.

Gail said...

HI SHEN-

Thank yo for appreciating the journey to wellness. And you will get there too Shen - your healing journey will go where you direct it.


Love Gail'
peace....

Paula said...

Hi Gail,didnt want to leave without a comment even when I am a first timer to your blog. Like someone else mentioned already, the book" women who run with wolves" was my first thought when reading your post. I have worked through my sexual abuse 15 years ago but only recently I worked through the emotional abuse by my mother. Just finished 3 moths intense trauma therapy with 35h per week. Like you I crossed the sides and enjoy my womanhood. Sensually in and out of bed. Some of the issues I have due to my mother behaviour and my wrong perception of myself are still haunting however less than before. BTW I am German and I am going to get married to an American called Skip!!!!!! Mill of hugs to you. Paula

Gail said...

HI PAULA-

I am SO glad you visited and commented. I truly apprecaite your sharig about your healing journey. And, congratulations on your upcoming marriage to Skip!! Wonderful. I am of German descent,- my Dad's parents are from Austria. So nice to meet you. :-)

Love Gail'
peace.....

anupama said...

Dear Gail,
NAMASTE!
Good Evening!
Lovely nail polish,Gail.real cool!
Lucky you are teh right and strong loving partner is by your side!:)
Forget the past and move forward!
Love is in the air!God Is Great1
Feel the love and make your handsome prince feel the love!
Wishing you a lovely weekend,
Sasneham,
Anu

Gail said...

HI ANUPAM-

Nice to see you!! Glad you like my wild nails. And yes, my prince indeed.

Have a blessed and joyous weekend.

Love Gail
peace.....