Thursday, October 8, 2009
Well, the pile of wood to the left here is what it looked like after our wood was delivered. Phew. And above and to the right? Voila!! All stacked! And then Skipp and I standing proudly in front of our wood for this Winter. I feel warm and cozy just knowing it is there for us, seasoned and ready to go into our faithful wood stove. And, according to our weather report? Tomorrow night we will get our first dusting of snow. We are all ready. :-)
My Mom spent the day with us. She loves being part of such traditions. Of course, at almost 86 years old she is always cold so she mostly stayed inside, in layered clothing and with a warm afghan around her. Still, her lovely presence and delightful humor and zest for life is so wonderful to experience. Her soul is pure and loving.
Here she is - braving the cold to get a 'real feel' for the work of the day. :-) Her birthday is November 9th - A celebration of all that is glorious in this world. Well, our world for sure. My sister joined us later - she is coming along - as best as one can after losing her husband of 40+ years less than a year ago and also, her first born son - passed almost seven years ago. This November 9th, yes on my Mom's birthday - he died. And this November is her first year without her husband to carry this loss - to remember the day - to honor his life - she will do it for them both - she is amazing . She enjoyed our meal together of home made chicken vegetable soup with crusty bread - it was delicious.
The photo is dark, sorry - but this is her at our table, surprised as Skipp caught her 'off guard' for a picture. :-) We planned our Mom's birthday dinner while we were all together - stuffed shells with my home made marinara sauce, of course, meatballs, salad, Italian bread and a fruit filled cake of some kind. Today was a "million dollar day" and then some.
Which brings me to the next part of this post, or the "more" which is part of the title of this post. Let me preface this with saying that I went, in a matter of a few hours from a person that was very sad, fearful and unsettled to a person of surrender, letting go, and gratitude. I actually amazed myself. Please just take a breath and don't judge - or assume - just 'listen' with your hearts. okay? thanks......... A few posts back I mentioned my oldest daughter - Kristie - the one who lives upstate NY with her two children. She is doing quite well, all things and challenges considered. When her children were little we were very active in their daily lives. Kristie and Leanna lived here while she was pregnant with Jacob. Eventually we 'set them up' in a small loft apartment nearby. Note the 'near by', - In most ways we were responsible for my daughter and the children. She was just too young with little resources both personal and external. We filled in all the gaps - sharing our wisdom, support, love, finances and guidance hoping to move her toward independence. Eventually she found 'other people' to lean on that were, shall we say, less guiding than us and many, many upsets happened until eventually she moved back to upstate NY - that was just about 9 years ago. It was impossible to be involved from 500 miles away beyond visits a few times a year, gifts and calls and of course, the "rescues" when what ever poor decision required our help. I/we always felt so responsible and because of that we were never just grandparents - we were her answer to all of her life's dilemmas. And, in some odd way, as much as we helped it would be received with a twist - as if we were some how to blame - a very difficult dynamic to explain.
For a couple of years now - we have stopped rescuing. And although it was a difficult adjustment for Kristie it seems that she has pushed to improve her situation by getting her CNA license and securing a job with benefits, paid vacations, etc. Until recently, when she met a guy and he has moved in with her and the kids. He is much younger than she - he is 24. I really don't know anything about him. And on Tuesday, the day our wood was delivered? My other daughter told me the news - Kristie is pregnant. I immediately burst in to tears - every rescuing moment and fear based memory and recall of what it took to sustain her flooded through me like a Tsunami - I though my chest was going to explode with the agony of my frightening memories. I felt myself absorb the news - it seeped into my veins and bones and mind and heart and spirit - and it swirled and surged and tore me apart. I began praying for understanding - asking God to help me feel the miracle of a new life - to celebrate this gift - a baby has been created - I could feel myself wrestle and fight with the memories of how it was and the faith I knew I had to celebrate life, my grand child's life. By the time Kristie and I spoke a few hours later a calm came over me - I asked her how she was - she paused and said "Ma, I have to tell you something". I breathed and said "I am listening hon"......and she said, "Me and Lance are having a baby Mom".... I asked he if she was happy, and she answered "Oh yes"........and I said, "if you are happy then so am I".......She was thrilled and Skipp and my Mom were amazed at my shared love and hope and honest words. We spoke about names, and how she wants my name and my Mom's name as a combination middle name if it is a girl and she wants Skipp's name as the middle name if it is a boy.
So I want to share with you all that what started out as a recall of painful memories and endless draining responsibility turned into a "million dollar moment" I am going to be a grandma again and the baby's name will be Lilly if she is a girl and Damian if he is a boy with the middle name yet to be determined. Amen.
And as I turn this new life over to God - I know that Lilly or Damian are in good hands. Please take a moment to watch this video. thank you ...............
Peace...............and new life.
Posted by Gail at 2:59 PM