Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sunset- One Moment In Time




Sunsets are beautiful - I was looking out our front picture window on to this glorious view of the day's end - I went upstairs and took these pictures from our upper deck - off our master bedroom. Again, it was heaven on earth. Cinner wrote of sunrises and sunsets so I am even more keenly aware - given her tribute. Thanks Cinner.
Today was a beautiful day. I visited with my Mom and Sis - we seem to stay quite close in October and November as it is a time of great loss and also celebration - births and deaths - it is all so bittersweet as they topple into one another. We do our best to separate the events so each gets it's "due proper" :-), no easy task at times. And as we pull up and over honored dates we then begin making plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas and how we will carry on family tradition, time honored loving traditions - and honor those present and those who have passed on. One of our family fun traditions is that on Christmas Eve we all play 'Yahtzee'. There are game cards still in the box from when my Dad was alive 25 Christmas's ago - and as recent as last year when my sister's husband sat at the table with his oxygen tank in tow and played Yahtzee for the last time. There is a lot of meaning in Yahtzee for our family. :-).

And so too, October Marches to an end - colorful, emotional, powerful, ever-changing, ever vigilant, relentless in memory, raging details come alive, gentle wisdom of healing defines, they all swirl and sway and erupt at any given moment - such is October. My being one with the universe the other day while surrounded by the rain and wind and colorful blowing leaves - standing on a blanket of gold and reds and brown and cranberry - chilled and damp - empowered and surrendered at once - it was a perfect experience to define October. I did feel the presence of God - He reminded me that he protected me back then - guided me on how to survive - I didn't know it then but I do now and have for quite some time. The force of the uncontrollable combined with surrender to trusting the outcomes was only known when I realized I wasn't alone - not for one second of any of it - I was not alone. I believe God doesn't prevent tragedy nor does He cause it - - but rather he was there with me to help me through it - to survive. It is amazing to me that as I remember times in my life that are some of my "It's" I see them as opportunity to be ever grateful that I was protected and loved - that knowledge and wisdom, over time, has become greater than the tragedies - and it is from that place that I can feel the joy and hope of a sunrise - the gentle gratitude and peace at sunset - hope most days and love every moment. Some irony - when the priest was leading up to the 'finale' - conditioning me to experience his desired effect - to trust him and his his plan - he found a song that, in his mind, defined the moment of desired freedom'. As you all know, this was very far from the truth - and how he hurt me in the name of Jesus is unimaginable - - but at the time - I was in over my head - in his Jesus - his priestly garb, his invading every area of my life - holy water and blessings, words of love and promises and so I was his - and this is the song

-


his favorite line for me "..............to taste the sweet I faced the pain". Sick bastard. He actually found a song that validated his hurting me so that I could be free. My God!! And so I share this with you my trusted friends because this is part of me - part of my truth - and also for you to know how far I have traveled on my way to you.........and traveled far I have. Far indeed.

Love Gail
peace......

22 comments:

Bernie said...

Oh I love Whitney singing this song. You are so blessed to have your family so close by to be able to enjoy them on every occassion.
Beautiful photo of your sunset.
Have a great day.....:-) Hugs

Eileen said...

Raw feelings.
Sometimes it's hard for me to put my feelings into words, I admire how you have that ability.

And I so agree with you about that feeling of being Protected through it all. I've felt that way too, especially as I look back on my life. I may not have realized it at the time, but looking back it's evident, I am Protected.

I'm so glad you can work your way past the sickness of what your life was once made of by sick minds/intentions/desires. Surely, God's Hand Is upon you now as it was then.

The video wouldn't play for me, but I know the song.

Stay strong, my friend.
Be at peace.

Thanks for sharing your life, thanks for sharing your family and your memories. And thanks for looking forward to making more.
Love to you,
Eileen

Rose Marie Raccioppi said...

I read your words, I listened to the song, and was called to your loving heart. You my heroic and spirited friend, "this be your one moment in time" - a moment to last all your blessed days - this moment of glory, freedom, gratitude, forgiveness, grace - all veils lifted, and known BE, your soul of light and radiant love.

The markers you have placed on your journey are indeed beacons of light to guide all seekers.

Gail said...

@ROSE MARIE-

Oh how your words vibrate through my heart and soul and spirit - like heavenly electricity. Mrrkeres indeed - of truth and hope and all you expressed. I SO love how you understand.

@EILEEN_

I know you understand my journey - as it speaks to your heart. I SO Appreciate your undrestanding because I feel ever more close to you. I am way past thte sickness of 'then' and long since in tot he health of now. "Thank you my friend.


@BERNIE

It truly is a blessing to have my Mom and Sis so close. We celebrate our lives every day.
'Thank you Bernie' for all your love and hugs.


Love to you all
Gail
peace.....

Mark said...

Thank-you for sharing such intimate parts of your life with us. Your story serves you and all who read it.

I love your Yahtzee tradition. It is family traditions like these that commemorate our moments together and help to build strong relationships.

Whitemist said...

The sunsets have been beautiful around here!
And it is good that October comes to a close, you have certainly marched a long harrowing round Gail. Best of everything from now on!

Gail said...

@JOEY-WHITEMIST-

Thanks Joey and I am happy to say that it has been the "best of everything" for quite some time. ANd years back I would dread October - but not anymore. I embrace the memories that month holds as purposefully and lovingly as all others. SO be the healing.


@MARK-

Oh my, you are SO welcome. I only have my truth to offer - and in doing so I believe others may find hope.

And yes - traditions like Yahtzee are timeless and ageless. :-)

Love to you both
Gail
peace......

cordieb said...

I absolutely love this post! Yes, it does remind me of all Autumn represents. When we feel the presense of God, we sense a certain security that's not of this earth, I think. Although God is everwhere, all the time, our sensing of his presense is not always there, at least for me. I certainly needed to be reminded of this today, Gail. Thanks for sharing your journey and wisdom with us so often. Peace, Light and Love, C.

Wanda said...

Beautiful post Gail...family, memories and traditions mean everything to me. Sentiments are all over my house...it gives me pleasure to touch things that belonged to loved ones no longer here. Moments are important!!!

Teacher's Pet said...

I'm glad that you are spending time with your family....
Your post lifts my spirits, Gail.
You continue to stay strong...and that strengthens others. Do you know how important you are my friend? Yes! Very...
Love,
Jackie

Gail said...

@TEACHER'S PET-JACKIE
Thank you so much for your kind words to me. And yes, family, as you know, is so important. :-) And I promise trostay strong.


@WANDA-

Oh yes, family traditions and moments and memories - all so precious. I so love how close all of your family is to you - and the wonderful memories and traditions I know you have.

@CORDIE B-

I truly appreciate your words tome about my journey and how my sharing reminded you of His presence. Amazing huh/ :-)

Love to you all
Gail
peace.....

Finding Pam said...

Gail, this is such a heart felt post from the love you share with your family to the traditions of the seasons, remembering love ones passed and telling of a deep violent truth.

Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life. May your words help others.

I too have looked back in my childhood and know that God was with me even in the bad times. He has protedted me and been my source of strength through it all.

You are such an inspiration. I am glad I found you in the bloggy world.

Take care and peace to you.
Pam

Diana said...

Well Gail you know, I've been playin' Yahtzee now for about 45 years! Yes that's right. Jake and I still play. I would love to sit and play a game or two with you, we usually play triple.
It's really good Gail that you are feeling Gods presence during this time of year especially. Sometimes it's hard to do that. I know. But I love your spirit and faith. I think we are very similar in many way's!
Love to you Gail, Love Di

Gail said...

@DIANA-

Hi, how are you, how is Jake? I have been praying hard.

And we SO should play yahtzee - how far away are we from each other in miles? And I agree, we are very similar in the best of ways, of course! :-)
\
@FINDING PAM-

'thank you' so much for your kind understanding comment to me. I am always so humbled when sharing my truith inspires others -
and I am glad we found each other too in blog-land. It is wonderful


Love to you both
Gail
peace.....

Margie said...

Dear Gail
Oh, the sunset pictures are so beautiful ... thank you for sharing them!

Your heart is full of love and courage Gail and I admire you very much!

I think it's wonderful that you have the tradition of playing Yahtzee with your family on Christmas Eve!
How very specail a time that must be ... your loving family is a true blessing!

Blessings to you Gail!

Margie:)

Gail said...

HI MARGIE-

"Thank you" for being so close to my heart in how you share your understanding and love. It means a lot, you mean a lot. :-)

Love Gail
peace.....

TheChicGeek said...

Hi Gail :) It's so hard for me to listen to that beautiful song knowing it has caused you pain. I'm sorry for that.

I know, as I know you do too, that adversity can be our greatest blessing. It is through those difficult times that God is with us and sees us through. We grow and we become better and stronger people.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful sunset! To be able to see such a sky out your very own window...what a blessing!

Thank you, too, Gail for your sweet words for my sister. She's relapsed a little and is still in the hospital but is doing better. I appreciated so much all of your thoughts and prayers!

Love and a Big Hug to You, Gail!
xxO
Kelly

cinner said...

Thankyou for mentioning my sunset and sunrises. yours were beautiful. You are so getting healthy aren't you. You are such a strong woman and your right you were not alone, god was there with you. I left a message for you on myy post about haunted houses to get your signature on your posts. did you get a chance to try it. let me know. love and admire you.

Gail said...

@CINNER-

Hi and you are so welcome - your sunrises/sunsets did insire me for real!! I will go over to yur site in a bit and check out your reply to me. :-)

@KELLY-CHIC-GEEK-
You are such a gentle and loving soul - I feel your bright spirit always. And ya, that song is a real complicated gesture, for sure. And I will continue to pray for your sister -

LOVE to you both
Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

Rose Marie'

Your spirited and lyrical words consume me with passion - I so love how you take what I write and transform it into poetry and spirit.

'thank you

Love Gail
peace.....

The-Grizzled-But-Still-Incorrigible-Scribe-Himself! said...

Gail…There are lovely sunset photos. I especially like the last one with the reflection.

But more than anything, this is a lovely, lovely post. So strong and insightful. Indeed, God never left you for a moment—never leaves any of us—though it sometimes takes a lifetime to realize and acknowledge this truth. Your journey has been long and difficult in ways most of us can't even imagine, even given the facts. But there's a strength in you that's now been tempered by fire, capable of withstanding whatever comes along, and broken enough that you want to share and help others.

Beautiful photos…but way more, a beautiful person.

Gail said...

HI GRIZZ

I am SO glad you liked my pictures. I am reallyy quite an amateur.
ANd I really felt your words, especially 'tempered by fire'. It is so. And I SO appreciate how you 'see' the bigger truth, always. :-)

Love you
Gail
peace.....