Monday, June 29, 2009

FIVE YEARS - THE BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS

June 30th 2004. I was in some troubled waters -




I was relieved to find out it was M S and not an inoperable brain tumor where I had a short time left to live. Still, the waters were troubled - thick with fear and questions and desperation. I had to begin to redefine and incorporate managing M S into my life. I did all the usual things following the grueling diagnostic process. Ending with a good neurologist so the "right" medications(s) could be prescribed - each one more scary than the next. But it is what it is.

Beyond all the medical jargon and medications and symptoms - something much bigger was happening. People were gathering - like a "bridge over my troubled waters". My husband, he laid himself down, before me.......to walk upon as I faltered. He stood up and collected me in his arms - carrying me to the next step. He was/is an oak tree upon which I leaned and still lean. He laid down again and again for me to walk over - to keep me just above the troubled waters lurking beneath. He loved me even more as I fought for my independence and strength. Sometimes I reacted violently to medications that were intended to help. He rubbed me and held me and we sang until it subsided, rendering me weakened. Oh he was/is part of the bridge upon which I relied and still rely.

My Mom - bless her heart as she cried with me on June 30th asking her God why it couldn't have been her instead of me and what had she done wrong that I should have this disease. She came every day while I sat with IV steroids running through my veins and fighting for my strength and mobile endurance. Her prayers never stopped, her love was/is immense and she too was/is part of the bridge upon which I rely to survive the troubled waters beneath.

My brother-in-law, Kelly - he, still deep in his grief over the death of his son. - and who recently died - January 23rd. I loved him for 45 years. He took me for a ride that day, June 30th. I just couldn't wait around for the phone call coming to tell me my fate. He later went to my husband's work to tell him - they came back home together.

My sister - my rock - a pillar of support and strength and love. Her own grief over the untimely death of her first-born son still so mammoth in it's harsh reality - she came with me to every diagnostic test - sat for hours and waited - held my hand - and took the call from the optic-neurologist with the results on June 30th - a call I could not take - could not hear, not from a stranger - and so it was my sister who first spoke the words to me, "You have M S'..... our/my world exploded in emotion and fear - we all screamed and cried - and surrendered together.

.......and others came to console and support - my best good friend JoAnn, my son and daughters, my friends , Rosann, and Larry - and later on, after an exacerbation my young friend Ashley(Sophie) and my mate Dale, - all were part of my bridge which held me up over troubled waters. I felt so fortunate to receive such an out-pouring of love and support. I fought so hard to regain my strength, balance, vision and endurance.

And now it is five years later - I have had some set backs and my ability to "do" whatever for very long is indeed compromised. However, I am independent, mobile and strong I am also very aware of how I must balance my life. I guess that's true for us all, huh? Balance. Each day is a gift beyond anything I ever felt before June 30th 2004.


And so I ask you, in times of trouble who is your bridge? - Your Bridge Over Troubled Waters"?


Love Gail
peace..............

22 comments:

Mark said...

Thank-you for sharing your bridge. You are blessed to have such strong and loving support.

Molly said...

Gail, Wow. What an incredibly moving post. Thank you for sharing it.

I've dealt with a life-altering illness since january 2007. I had to learn to walk again and spent a year on crutches. I am mostly doing well, but have to take an IV drug every eight weeks so I can walk and have a normal life, a drug that could greatly shorten my life in the end.

I know what you mean from experience about life being a gift. When you face your mortality through a life changing situation/illness, everything changes. For the better, I think.

My husband, too has been a pillar. What a gift he is.

Thanks for sharing your story with us.

peace,

Molly

Gail said...

Hi Mark -

Thank you for visiting and for your words of appreciation.

Love to you
Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

Hi Molly-

SO noce to see you. And I SO appreciate your sharing of personal understanding about life changing situations you have faced, as well.

I am so glad that your husband is your pillar......gift after gift after gift......

Love and hope
Gail
peace......

The Rambling Taoist said...

You left out one important bridge -- yourself! While there's no question that the significant others in our lives can bolster our resolve and pick us up when we are down, in the end, we have to have the strength to lift ourselves off the floor to move forward.

So, hats off to you!!

Gail said...

Hi R T

Yes, of course - I am clearly and without doubt my own bridge - I couldn't build it alone though - no way!!

Gail
peace......

anne partain said...

Hi Gail, it was hard to hear about your present situation. I love you.
When I laid my head on my pillow last night and looked over at my husband, Ken, I realized something, he would stand by me if I was in the kind of need you describe. I am blessed to be loved like that.

xoxoAnne

Gail said...

Hi Anne-

"thank you" for your kind words.

And I am glad that my situation reminded you of the blessings in your life. :-)

Love to you
Gail
peace......

Val said...

I am so glad you have pillars of strength in your life. And I would agree with RT that you yourself have been a great source of strength and courage. Peace to you, Gail.

Gail said...

HI Val -

I am SO happy to see you here. YOur words/wisdom have beenmissed.

And yes, I do understand my place - my part - as I too have been a bridg for others and for myself - I/we are NOT alone. alleluia!!!

Love to you
Gail
peace.....

Comrade Kevin said...

I know what you went through during the initial diagnosis and the process of accepting your illness and the limitations it presented. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about ten years ago and experienced many of the same things you mentioned.

My Bridge over Troubled Water have been lots of things over the years: good books, friends, lovers, God, my faith, just to name a few.

Gail said...

Hi Kevin-

"Thank you" so much for sharing of your illness and your "bridges over your troubled waters".... I too had other sources and parts of my bridge that going me over and through - amazing how resourceful we can be.

Love to you
Gail
peace......

The-Grizzled-But-Still-Incorrigible-Scribe-Himself! said...

Gail…in rereading your comment to me on one of my earlier posts, I just realized you apparently had not received the long comment I made to you here the day you published this piece—assuming, of course, you would have put my comment up if you'd received it.

I say this because there have been three or four other comments I made to you which also haven't shown up, so I'm wondering if there's some sort of problem . If you've just elected to not publish them, that's fine; I'm just worried that there's a glitch of some sort.

Did you see the comment I sent?

Gail said...

Hi Grizz-

This is the fist comment in a while I have seen from you - I WOULD ALWAYS post your comments, so perhaps there is a problem because I didn't see any in a while. loved the reply on yur blog to me about this post .

SO sorry for the confusion.

Love to you
Gail
peace.....

The-Grizzled-But-Still-Incorrigible-Scribe-Himself! said...

Gail…

This is pretty much a repeat of what I said on my blog…but I'll keep a copy of future comments at least until I can figure out what's wrong. I thought it was something I messed up somehow, but I didn't want to assume that everything I sent you got posted without asking—it is your blog, after all, and you can publish or reject as you see fit.

I have commented, BTW, not only to this post—which is my very favorite ever—but to the one a few posts back re. Skipp and music.

Anyway, I'll work this out—or at least keep copies.

Gail said...

Hi Grizz-

Th last comment from you I received before these was on May 16th on a post titled "I Believe". I did not see the one on "the post "My Guy". huh.. very weird.

I have NO idea why. Eesh.

LOve you'Gail
peace....

Bernie said...

Hello Gail, I popped over from Griz's blog and I am so glad I did.
Your strength and courage are so uplifting. I will add you to my prayer list. I am so happy you have such a wonderful support team but I'm sure you are easy to love and support. Wishing you all kindness, goodness, love and health...Have a wonderful day, and enjoy July 4th weekend...:-) Hugs

Gail said...

Hi Bernie-
I am SO glad you came to visit me. :-)

And, "thank you" for your very kind and loving words to me. I will go over to your place. Please come by any time.

Peace to you
Gail

bometernally said...

Greetings Gail

Check out www.ravediet.com There are books and videos you can order online. You can cure yourself through diet alone. If you are skeptical you can look at a clip from their video on the Rave Diet. Also you can go to You Tube and put in the Rave Diet and get some video footage on it.

It is an eye opener on what you can do to cure oneself as well as the planet.

We are made in the image of the Creator and that is our bridge. Take care.

Gail said...

Hi bometernall-
"thank you" so much for visiting and for the info on the rave diet. I am going to check it out today. :-)

Happy 4th of July to you

Peace and love
Gail

Paul C said...

Gail,

I'm so glad I've found your blog.

Thank you for visiting my blog.

PS- I've just read a part of "the God Memorandum". It is very profound. I have also bookmarked the whole piece.

Thank you.

Gail said...

Hi Paul-

I am SO glad you found my blog too. It is very nice to see you here. And I am glad that you also found 'The God Memorandum'.

Love Gail
peace.....