FIVE YEARS - THE BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS

June 30th 2004. I was in some troubled waters -




I was relieved to find out it was M S and not an inoperable brain tumor where I had a short time left to live. Still, the waters were troubled - thick with fear and questions and desperation. I had to begin to redefine and incorporate managing M S into my life. I did all the usual things following the grueling diagnostic process. Ending with a good neurologist so the "right" medications(s) could be prescribed - each one more scary than the next. But it is what it is.

Beyond all the medical jargon and medications and symptoms - something much bigger was happening. People were gathering - like a "bridge over my troubled waters". My husband, he laid himself down, before me.......to walk upon as I faltered. He stood up and collected me in his arms - carrying me to the next step. He was/is an oak tree upon which I leaned and still lean. He laid down again and again for me to walk over - to keep me just above the troubled waters lurking beneath. He loved me even more as I fought for my independence and strength. Sometimes I reacted violently to medications that were intended to help. He rubbed me and held me and we sang until it subsided, rendering me weakened. Oh he was/is part of the bridge upon which I relied and still rely.

My Mom - bless her heart as she cried with me on June 30th asking her God why it couldn't have been her instead of me and what had she done wrong that I should have this disease. She came every day while I sat with IV steroids running through my veins and fighting for my strength and mobile endurance. Her prayers never stopped, her love was/is immense and she too was/is part of the bridge upon which I rely to survive the troubled waters beneath.

My brother-in-law, Kelly - he, still deep in his grief over the death of his son. - and who recently died - January 23rd. I loved him for 45 years. He took me for a ride that day, June 30th. I just couldn't wait around for the phone call coming to tell me my fate. He later went to my husband's work to tell him - they came back home together.

My sister - my rock - a pillar of support and strength and love. Her own grief over the untimely death of her first-born son still so mammoth in it's harsh reality - she came with me to every diagnostic test - sat for hours and waited - held my hand - and took the call from the optic-neurologist with the results on June 30th - a call I could not take - could not hear, not from a stranger - and so it was my sister who first spoke the words to me, "You have M S'..... our/my world exploded in emotion and fear - we all screamed and cried - and surrendered together.

.......and others came to console and support - my best good friend JoAnn, my son and daughters, my friends , Rosann, and Larry - and later on, after an exacerbation my young friend Ashley(Sophie) and my mate Dale, - all were part of my bridge which held me up over troubled waters. I felt so fortunate to receive such an out-pouring of love and support. I fought so hard to regain my strength, balance, vision and endurance.

And now it is five years later - I have had some set backs and my ability to "do" whatever for very long is indeed compromised. However, I am independent, mobile and strong I am also very aware of how I must balance my life. I guess that's true for us all, huh? Balance. Each day is a gift beyond anything I ever felt before June 30th 2004.


And so I ask you, in times of trouble who is your bridge? - Your Bridge Over Troubled Waters"?


Love Gail
peace..............

GATHERING........

And so we gathered.............in celebration of many things - first - our friendship which sustains and supports in good times and bad - for two young people "Ashley (Sophie) and Pete (Xander) who each graduated college with Masters Degrees AND became engaged with an October 2010 wedding date set in gold. (that's Ashley in the yellow top and Pete next to h er in blue). And our mate Dale - her birthday, her birth and life was honored and remembered with lemon everything. Oh how she loves lemon. (that's Dale in the peach dress) Oh yes, a gathering indeed.
The food was delicious - New York strips grilled to perfection - twice baked potatoes and a lovely green salad. A nice chardonnay, champagne, lemon filled birthday cake and Dale's strawberry shortcake with home made biscuits and whip cream. Oh my - such a gathering. We laughed heartily, ate well, celebrated so many blessings and blended together in purpose, music, food, delight and promise.

Gatherings are so purposeful. I love to gather with like thinking people with intended reason and honor a tradition or an event or just because. I have gathered at rallies for peace and anti war, I have gathered with others coming together to worship, I have gathered at funerals and cemeteries and and holiday meals with family. I have gathered at school events for my kids and concerts and movies and plays, weddings and court rooms and work meetings and planning committees. I have huddled in secluded places gathering with other wounded people trying to rise above tragedy. I have gathered with others against injustice at town halls and state capital stairs. I have gathered around our table to absorb some news of illness or death and just cried together and then began to figure out how to move forward through the experience. Oh to gather is to survive -
So I ask you, with whom do you gather - where do you gather and why do you gather? Gathering is effective on so many levels and there is strength in numbers. I cannot explore today when gatherings are intended to cause harm - let's all promise to come together - to gather in LOVE. Please listen to "The Young Bloods - Get Together" below.




Promise, please promise to gather in LOVE.

Love Gail
peace.....

SEX

Relax everyone, this is not a 'nasty post'. Although the topic may be difficult for some it IS part of who we are. We are ALL sexual beings. I, for one, love my sensual-sexual self and how I respect it, enhance it, create it, enjoy it, and that I am free to express it. Are you?

First, some basic definitions,. SEX? male or female. SEXUAL - masculine or feminine, SEXUALITY - how one expresses their feminine and/or masculine self - as in hair, clothes, style, preferences.

So, you see, it has nothing to do with intercourse, per say. One can be their sex, be sexual and express sexuality without intercourse or any physical contact with another person. It is all quite personal and subjective. That is not to say that the 'acts' are not an expression of one's sexuality, rather, with or without the act one is still their sex, sexual and expressive of their sexuality. Got it? Rod Stewart's, If You Want My Body" kind of has a unique perspective!! :-)



I am very in touch with my feminine and masculine self. I am happy in jeans and work boots and lace and silk. I love my long hair and 'Donna Karin' perfume and oils. I am definitely hetero, yet I am aware of and appreciate deeply the beauty of other woman both physical and spirit. We all have preferences as to the type of person we find physically appealing. I prefer men that are bigger, over six feet and over 200 pounds. Also I prefer the 'rebel look', scruffy and tussled. Guys who are too neat don't do anything for me. I like a man who can take charge and yet does so without intention, rather gently and firmly creates a sweet surrender. My guy is all this and more I am happy to report. :-) I am adventurous and spontaneous and love erotica. And for this blog that is as informative as I will be.

I hope that who you are as a sexual being is truthful and wondrous and that you are free to explore and be whatever is right for you. Alleluia!!!

Love Gail
alive and well
peace and passion

MY GUY

MY GUY.............Skipp. Birth name - Babe, - Babe Laurin. He was adopted at three months old, raised Jewish! We found his biological family in 1990. He is "Blackfoot Indian" and Swedish. He lovingly and comically says, "I am the only Jewish-Swedish-Indian you will ever meet"!! :-) The picture is taken in what used to be Dolan's room - we even had a sleep loft' built so there was more floor space for Dolan as he grew. - now, it is a music room and a place to create - and with the most amazing view looking out in to the woods - and with all the equipment to record/produce/arrange original songs. The hat? A gift from my sister Nancy and her husband Kelly this past Christmas. Kelly died January 23rd, and so this hat, well, it has extra special meaning, ya know? Kelly felt Skipp was a "phenomonon", in many ways, he is. His creative passion? Music. He is a seasoned-accomplished classically trained pianist, a diversified guitarist, a talented lyricist, a beautiful singer and has produced, arranged and promoted not only his own original music but other local talent, as well. I have yet to master how to put his original music on You Tube. So many have enjoyed his musical talents, - I am his biggest fan!!

Skipp's love for all his children and gandchilfren is unyielding. His work ethic is strong - and loyal and proud. His respect for family traditions and 'stepping-up' is powereful. He adores me and I adore him. I wish he had met my Dad - they would have gotten along quite well.

Our life here is simple, loving, creative, fun, safe, purposefull, kind, welcoming, generous, and together we are peaceful, content, happy, and just get the biggest kick out of one another. There is nothing I would change about my guy and there is nothing he would want to change about me. We are okay with all of our gifts and flaws. We like each other a lot! :-)

My Mom always says, "I trust him with my life"> I guess that says it all, huh? And here is the song, "My Guy"




Love Gail
peace.....

RESPECT

No one sings "RESPECT" like Aretha. SO here she is. Turn up your volume and sing along.





'Respect - quite a subjective word don't you think? I hear it used, over used, a reason for retaliation or defense, -people say that they want to be respected and then another will say in response, 'you can't get respect if you don't give respect! What? How does that all work? Is my self-respect contingent upon another person respecting me? Geeze, I hope not. But somehow it is all immersed, tangled up in justifications for how we treat each other. It is why we stay or leave a relationship, albeit personal, intimate, work, business - it's all about respect. I find myself right in the middle of lost respect for someone. The word and how it has manifested is way bigger than I ever imagined. I don't respect this person's style, treatment of others, labels and blaming, misuse of power.........it has all festered up like a big ole boil! Oozed and now is just a sort of gaping hole. I/we have filled it with a few good things, humor and laughs and sacred history, but the other stuff that oozed out left too big of a hole to fill. And my position of "silent witness" leaves me being the only one who knows. So it is like a big ole festered up oozing boil that is a freaking secret! Loving, yes, but a secret too that is haunting and dark.
Is this really about respect? Could that be possible? I mean, who am Ito say what is respectful verses not. Wait, I have every right to decide that for myself. I do have the right, no, the responsibility to NOT take part in actions that are hurtful and dehumanizing and offensive and life-sucking and blame full and on and on.....that violates my spirit and therefore is disrespectful. And I don't have to explain it or defend it. Silent witness IS loving and kind. And I know that what happens to one of us directly happens to all of us indirectly.
I would SO appreciate your thoughts on "respect".....

Respectfully,
Gail
peace......