"Can't Say Goodbye"

He whispered, "I can't say goodbye.".... The full figured blond woman, with 'poofy' hair stood at his side with a look of victory. His wife of many years busied herself cleaning counters unable to look at him. She wanted him to stay forever. she finally turned and asked him how long he had been seeing her. He said "five years.". Tears stung her eyes as she absorbed such betrayal and ever so slightly raised her voice in question. He stared at her unable to break his glance, unable to leave.

"Where have you been staying all those nights?" He said, "we stay in a shack." Just then one of their daughters arrived. She sat by his side while gently rubbing his arm. "You have to say goodbye Dad, you can't just leave without saying goodbye.". Again he said, "I can't say goodbye." His wife continued to clean, unable to engage. The 'poofy' blonde's sister showed up, uninvited and unwelcomed. She was a brazen woman with red lips, dark eyes, big loud jewelery, large frame and more 'poofy' blond hair. She had been waiting in the car and wanted to "get this show on the road." Dad sat quietly, watching Mom. The sister began to chatter endlessly about the time and made random comments about how her sister should not have children. At some point she spat out, ".............and if she does get pregnant she better have an abortion!" Now Mom was engaged and she fired back, "get out of my house, how dare you say such things in my house!!" The two 'poofy' blond sisters left. Dad sat there, unable to leave, unable to say goodbye.

He held her that day for a long time. They laid in her bed - a bed he had never slept in - he died over 24 years ago. Mom dreams of other women often being the reason he is not with her. Somehow, in her dreams this is easier to accept than death. She can fight against another woman, certainly not about death. Mom has questioned and explored if hanging on to him is wrong - if somehow her hanging on to him has caused him unrest - being pulled from that world to this world, the here and there. After deep conversation today, we concluded that he has chosen to stay here, in spirit - to wait for her to be with him in the after-life. In some realm Dad surrendered. The other woman, is of no meaning other than to image the struggle of leaving, to say goodbye. He came to her, he tried to leave her again, say goodbye and he couldn't, wouldn't. He can't say goodbye.

I am glad.

Love, Gail
peace.....