Saturday, September 20, 2008

BROTHERS

I don't have any brothers. I have brother-in-laws or is it brothers-in-law. Hmmmmm, - and I have friends that are brothers, and I have other friends that are brother-like. But no brothers. One older brother-like person in my life was my next door neighbor growing up, Roddy, actually Roderick but we all knew him as Roddy. I had my first crush on Roddy. I was eight.
Roddy spent a lot of time at our house. His Dad wasn't around much so he hung out at our house to do "guy" stuff with my Dad - fishing, working on bikes, cars, lawn mowers, yard work, building things and just spending time. Roddy ate supper with us most nights. He was three years older than me and was quite protective - brotherly. We went ice skating once at the pond downtown and I fell in and Roddy pulled me out of the freezing water. So our first word for brother is "PROTECTIVE".
My next big-brotherly experience was with my soon to be cousin Tommy. He was engaged to my cousin Sandy and lived in Brooklyn. He wanted to establish himself closer to my cousin so he moved in with us eight months before their wedding. I was fourteen. He was a 'rough houser'. I never had that kind of 'rough play with anyone since it was only me and my older sister growing up. Tommy was playful and funny and somewhat of an advisor, often stern at times, regarding my youthful challenges and escapades. I stole cigarettes from his dresser once, and ONLY ONCE. He could be quite clear about such matters and I knew when there was no use in arguing or talking back to him. He taught me about the second things brothers have, "BOUNDARIES". Plus, he was six feet four inches!! He easily became part of our family; often preparing meals and doing house chores. He was a buddy to my Dad and kind and gracious to my Mom. I learned how men should relate to one another - with respect, honor and fairness. The third word/phrase about brothers is 'ROUGH HOUSE PLAY" and next is "ADVISOR" and then "HONOR AMONG MEN".

Throughout my life I learned from my Dad about brothers as I experienced his "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE" for his four brothers. His younger brother Joe died in the war at sea. I never knew him, not directly. I knew him through my Dad sharing about the strong character of his baby brother.. I saw my Dad cry at his brother Eddy's funeral. Uncle Eddy was a wonderful roller skater. My Dad took me to skate with him often and I felt so special. My Dad visited all of his brothers regularly and they visited us. "TIME TOGETHER" was very important amongst all the brothers. His brother George could not read or write. However, he could fix any car or appliance. He also played the organ, by ear. My Dad "CELEBRATED HIS TALENTS".
When my Dad died I can still remember seeing Uncle George sobbing at his coffin.

His brother Charlie was a real goof ball. When he visited he would get out of the car and instead of walking up the walk way he would do cart wheels! My Dad "ENJOYED HIS CRAZINESS". Uncle Charlie spent the last days of his life at hospice - My Dad "WAS THERE FOR HIM" right until he took his last breath.

And then there was Uncle Harry. He moved away to California when I was still young. My Dad 'NEVER LOST TOUCH" with him and even went with my Mom to California to see him.

My Dad was also a very good big brother to his sister Eva - Aunt Eva lived with us when she was 'down on her luck'. As her brother he felt it his place to care for her when she "NEEDED HIS HELP".

And lastly, his older sister Alice. She died when I was only six months old. I listened intently when he spoke of her. He "ADMIRED HER". She was an amazing woman of stature and strength. Her two children were young when she passed and as their uncle he CARED FOR AND KEPT CLOSE TO HIM THAT WHICH WAS SO DEAR TO HER".

Which brings me to my delight in experiencing my husband and his brother. It warms my heart to be privy to 'brothers at their best'. They, as brothers are, and have all of what I know about brothers.

PROTECTIVENESS
BOUNDARIES
ROUGH HOUSE PLAY
ADVISERS
HONOR BETWEEN THEM
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
TIME TOGETHER
CELEBRATION OF TALENTS
ENJOYMENT OF EACH OTHER'S CRAZINESS
THERE FOR EACH OTHER
A PROMISE TO NEVER LOSE TOUCH
HELP WHEN NEEDED
ADMIRATION
CARE FOR AND KEEP CLOSE THAT WHICH IS DEAR TO THE OTHER

Brotherly love is an unyielding bond that can restore harmony, provide strength and humor and levity, and dare I say, save lives. It is valuable and necessary beyond expression and knows no bounds or distance. This is true for sisters too, but that's for another writing.

Today I am celebrating brothers - and for someone who never had a brother, well, I have been blessed and inspired by all the brothers in my life.

Thank you
Love,
Gail
peace.....

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

hello to you gail it is jenna
i am not going to fallen angel
i dont think it is okay anymore
i cant fight to belong i cant explain me
i hope you are good with me here
i have a brother he is older
he left when we moved here he is 23
he hates him i do too
he wont come here i miss him he is kind and very angry
it has not been good at all
i stayed with my friend for many days
i think i can live there her parents are nice
i am packing things to go
i will know for sure at school tomorrow
mom says go i am scared
more scared to stay
he called me bad names i was bad
i drank his brandy he said it was not mine
he slapped me around for doing that
i wont take that again
i have to leave here i want my mom to leave too i cant wait for her
i just cant


jenna

Gail said...

Dear, dear jenna-

I am happy that you are planning to stay with your friend. I am sorry he hit you again and also I am glad that this time was the final straw for you. Your Mom is telling you the right thing Jenna - leave! She will handle herself - try and believe in that.

As far as you not feeling okay in Fallen Angel's blog? Your feelings are yours to have. Maybe it is hard for you to "hear" anything from any man right now. Follow your instincts on what feels best for you. I will tell you this, "Fallen Angel" is kind and gentle. I Do understand how you feel you have nothing left to fight with or explain about. I could be wrong but I believe that he wont ask anything more of you other than for you to be safe and free to grow and thrive. Again, I understand.

It is quite okay that you came over to 'my place'.I am cheering for you to keep packing and I am hoping that your friend's family will say yes tomorrow. If I may suggest, - go to school prepared to stay at your friends that night - you can always go back and get more of your things when 'he' is not at home. Don't let him near you again for ANY reason jenna.

See your Mom away from the house. I am sure she doesn't want you to put yourself in 'harms-way'.

I have just one question which I have NO expectation of you answering/explaining to me, rather it is a 'seed' for future reference, okay?

Have you considered, once you are safe, reporting him to the authorities for physically abusing you? You have every right to do so!!

I have said enough and know you can stop by here any time you like.

Gail
peace.....

P. E. Nolan said...

Hey there, Jenna
I agree with Gail that staying with friends is a great idea. The first step on your new path - one that will help you get your strength back. And Gail is right that your mom will work it out. When she doesn't have to worry about what he's doing to you all the time, she'll be able to hang on to some strength for herself.

Take some time to breathe. I'll quote one of my favorite heroines, Scarlet O'Hara, and remind all of of that, "After all, tomorrow is another day."
Tricia

Anonymous said...

gail and tricia it is jenna
i am at my friends house it is good here
many things happened since i wrote here
he came home when i was packing
he yelled why to me i did not answer
that made him more mad
my mom yelled leave her alone and lots more
i never saw him hit her he tried i got in between
he pushed me on the bed he pushed her down too
she told me to run he stopped me
he beat me hard my legs and ass
mom screamed
when he was through he left
mom and i cried a long time
she is leaving too
all the way to scotsdale arizona
i miss her already it is a good miss
my uncle is there he is a good man
there are so few i know
i can stay with my friend i will go to scotsdale for holidays
i will move there too when school is over i can go sooner if i want
i stayed out of school today my friend did too
i hurt everywhere
i did not tell her parents he beat me it is over now
my brother is coming here later his name is porter
i wont tell him of the beating he will kill him
i want to tell he knows mom is moving he will ask me what happened
what do i say
i just want him to hold me a long time i love porter very much
i feel bad today i feel good today
i feel scared and i feel beat up
my friends name is ally
should i go to scotsdale now or finish school
i am confused i am safe here
write to me soon please

jenna

P. E. Nolan said...

Definitely finish school.
You will be screwed for life if you don't finish school - and then he will win and your mother will feel worse about everything that has happened to you.

I'm so sorry that you had to live through that terrible scene and that you and your mom are hurt both physically and emotionally, but good things will come of it.

As for Porter - I don't know what to say. I understand why you'd be afraid for his own safety if Porter decides to confront the pig. Maybe your uncle in Scotsdale can help.

Or maybe Gail.
She knows more than I do about this kind of stuff.

I know this, though, STAY IN SCHOOL NO MATTER WHAT

I mean it, girl.
xoxo
T

P. E. Nolan said...

You may want to consider telling Ally's parents that he got violent with you and your mom.

They could help you find a lawyer who specializes in domestic violence who will make sure that he doesn't get away with what he did to you and your mother. Not only could you wind up with a shit pot of money for your own future, but his reputation in the town will be destroyed.

However, unless the damage he did to you physically and mentally is documented FAST you will not have a case. You may not want to pursue it right this minute, but you have to have the documentation. Ally's parents can help with that.

This is a problem that is SO big, it needs the attention and intervention from loving, experienced adult friends. It's too scary for you girls to handle alone.

Porter, after he's calmed down, may be able to help bring the bastard down legally.

Where is your mother right this minute?

P. E. Nolan said...

It occurred to me that if you like your pediatrician, you might schedule an office visit to document the bruises, etc. Your pediatrician is probably obliged to report the incident. That way, you'd get Victims' Services such as therapy.

Like I said, Gail knows about this stuff. Hang in there
T

Gail said...

jenna and also Trish "thanks trish", your words and wisdom and heartfelt sentiments are wonderful.

And now to you sweet jenna-

I just read all the comments. I am trying to calm myself and gather my thoughts. I feel so VERY badly that he beat you and hurt your Mom as well. Damn him. Bastard.

Alright then I think I heard or read the school issue differently. I assumed, and I might be wrong that you meant you would not finish school in Newport but rather go to Scotsdale and go to school there. That I think is a good idea. A very good idea.And YES Finish School either place.

I think it is good for you and your Mom to be together. Even the thought of you being in the same town with the bastard is not a good idea. He knows your routines.

As far as you telling Porter? Tell, tell tell. No more secrets Jenna. No more. That's my opinion. I agree also that you should tell Ally's parents. If that does not sound like it is what you want to do there is a way to 'secure evidence of the abuse'. Take pictures of your bruises, soon,as in tonight or tomorrow. Photos are dated on the backs. Then write down everything that happened and put it all in an envelope and mail it to yourself.Ally can write what she saw and if you tell her parents and or Porter they can write their observations too. Having the statements notarized is best but it will 'fly' even if they are not. It is like a 'copyright' that proves ownership of what and when something happened. Once you receive the envelope back you can NOT open it until you are ready to pursue an action against him,if ever. You have three years, well that is Ct law. This way you will have the proof you need if you decide to go after him.


Now, about your Mom. When is she leaving for Scotsdale? And I too wonder where she is now and where is 'he'?
I am relieved you are at Ally's. I am happy your Mom is going to be with your uncle.

I feel so angry too. I am SO sorry he hurt you jenna, SO sorry. I am hugging you from here.

(((((((jenna)))))))

I don't know what else to say tonight. I will look for you tomorrow and pray for you and your Mom tonight. And Porter and Ally too.
Until tomorrow

Gail
peace.......

Comrade Kevin said...

I didn't grow up with a brother. I had two younger sisters, though as a child I hoped upon hoped my mother would give birth to a brother. It didn't happen.

Sometimes I wonder how my life would have been different if it had.

P. E. Nolan said...

My brother is great, and I don't get to see near enough of him. He's a good uncle too.

Gail said...

Hi Kevin -
I can only imagine what a wonderful brother you are. I love your singing and your words are spirited and true and deep. I feel a gentleness from you and also a challenging nature that would help another to evolve into themselves without fear of judgment. That is a very rare and special gift.
Thank you for coming to visit here.

Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

Hi Trish-
Good to see you. Nice to be able to say that your brother is great and a great uncle too! Yippee!!

Is he older or younger?

Love ya,
Gail


p.x. I was hoping Jenna would have written.
sigh.........

Anonymous said...

gail it is jenna
i am good porter is good so is ally
porter packed moms stuff in boxes he went with his friend who is big
they sent her stuff to arizona
he has sayed away
mom is going to scotssdale saturday
porter got my stuff too i have what i need what is mine
i have the pictures and what i wrote
porter and ally wrote too i will mail it to me today
i never knew about that to do
thankyou
porter said he wont do anything to him untili am not here
i am very tired
me and porter are going to scotsdale on thanksgiving i like that
porter is driving me to scotsdale on christmas vacation i will live there and go to school
allys parents know enough i told what i could
i will miss ally she gets that i have to go
i guess this is what has to be
and fallen angel i dont know if you will see this
i got scared of you i felt bad about me
porter read what you wrote about me he gets why
he said you sound smart
he said you sound full of yourself
he said i cant win i cant try to
i dont have anything left fallen angel nothing
you did help me in a weird scary way
i did want you to know i am good
i want you to know i will quietly visit and read your answers
i hope you see this
i am very sad
i cant explain why i miss you i just do

jenna

Gail said...

Dear jenna-
All good news, for sure. You are stronger than you ever thought, I imagine. And it looks like Porter is really 'on board'. Your Thanksgiving holiday together in Arizona will be wonderful. And him going with you over the Christmas vacation - warmed my heart. Meanwhile you are safe at Ally's, and Porter will hold off confronting the bastard until after you are far away from that awful man.
Also, it is so good that you put the envelope together of evidence for later use. I breathed a BIG sigh of relief on that one.

I guess the rest will unfold as you and those closest to you direct it. I will be thinking of you and your Mom tomorrow as she goes on ahead to Arizona. This is a good thing Jenna - she is free and so are you. Finally free.

And regardless of how you feel about fallen angel (which seems to be a like/dislike thing) - that is all he ever wanted for you, as well.

Stay safe - stay strong-

Write whenever you need to.

Gail
peace.....