Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Resolve and surrender - the freedom and ache of it all


....and here we are in the heart of Winter.  The Christmas season has been honored and memories created - and the New Year brings renewed hope. 
I thought that 2015 would be a year of resolve.  Now there's a loaded topic, right?   I don't have a lot of conflict resolution to tend to, thank goodness. One person in particular has left me wounded for quite some time. I have missed her for a very long time and have tried every way I know to rekindle our friendship. I just couldn't believe that she did not want me in her life nor was she interested anymore in sharing in mine.  We shared a deep and loving relationship/friendship with promises of forever friends - I guess I was the only one who knew, knows what a promise means.
 This is her at a combination graduation/engagement dinner celebration Skipp and I hosted




And this is a picture of our strong friendship circle of women -    which eventually fell apart.  Oh how I miss the strength of our circle.  The woman on the right went back 'home' to Australia, we are in touch' but it is so far apart.  The woman on the left stays in touch via a text or a phone call - but they are both rare. And the one in the middle I miss the most and is just gone - moved on so to speak and didn't want me along anymore.  So sad.  Her reasons were so odd; about our being in different stages of our lives, her in the fast lane and me slowing down - what?? When my Mom died she sent me a text saying she was sorry  - oh my - Sure sign things were over, huh?  Plus I truly believe she felt my having MS was a or would be a burden to her and stifle her life.  Again, how sad is that, huh? I  tried everything I know to keep our friendship(s) alive, but I was the only one trying.  I fought the good fight until I didn't.


I emailed her a week ago where I congratulated her on the birth of her son and told her how I have missed her and would love to see her again and meet her son.  She replied after a week.  Kind and cordial - wished me/us well and thanked me for the email.  She did not respond to or mention our getting together - and so it is - over.  I don't or wont or shouldn't or can';t try anymore.  Such true surrender is a relief and a terrible heart ache.  I knew I was opening myself to such pain again but I had to try - and so I have. I ached most of the night - but in the light if day I am better - a dull sad surrender of grief and loss.  I saw a post on facebook that said, "don't look for happiness in the same place you lost it"!!  And there it is, right?   And Skipp said - "....she has no idea what she is missing in you"  :-)  


To friendships that once were - and to those that are true to the end of time. Thank you JoAnn, Larry, Rosann, and Sherry - Amen





10 comments:

Anne said...

Friendship is a very hard thing to figure out. My feelings about friendship is that true friends are there for you in both good and bad times, near or far. They are your friends always. Not just when things are perfect. True friends are forever. This person, Gail, was not a true friend.

Amanda said...

Oh this is tough ... losing those we love over time. I'm truly sorry that you have felt loss in this way, but I agree with Skipp ... she is missing a great deal by not continuing a relationship with you.

I hope the year ahead brings wonderful people into your life, in the way in which you want and need them. You're a wonderful soul, and I have no doubt that those who are meant to find you, will.

Love and hugs :)

Muffie said...

When things like that happen, it's hard to accept. I try to just "pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again!" Funny -- I just saw someone this morning that I thought was definitely out of my life, and she made such a fuss over me. We parted with her saying, "We really need to keep in touch!" My thought...OK, it's YOUR turn. Que sera, sera!

Gail said...

@MUFFIE - thanks so much for your sharing and support. I think I have finally accepted her being gone so now, yes, it is time to pick myself up, dust myself off and let her go.

@AMANDA - I so appreciate your kind validation. Wow. And this year I will preserve and care for mthe wonderful people in my life

@ANNE - you are so right - a true friend is there no matter what. She did not stay true
Love to you all
Gail
peace.....

Brite Mist said...

you notice these things seem to pop out during those times that ought to be most festive? Yet those who have left us (our moms) would never have it that way...the others who leave through choice? We forgive so the hurt no longer lingers in our souls and let them free...be prepared because some times, just some times, they come back!

Gail said...

@BRITE MIST = thanks for your wise and heartfelt words. Means a lot. Love you man
Gail
peace.....

Judy at Peace Be With You said...

That surrender you speak of is an ongoing and comprehensive process for me.

Gail said...

HI JUDY - yes, surrender is on going and a part of life.
Love to you
Gail
peace.....

Kim @ Stuff could... said...

I find it weird how friends come and go as life moves on...for each of us. Maybe your paths will cross again or not. It will be ok either way

Gail said...

HI KIM - yes, it will be ok, either way. <4

Love Gail
peace....