Friday, February 11, 2011

"What do you want from me?" "That's Life""


I heard Adam Lambert sing this on "Ellen" and I absolutely loved the song so I thought I would share it with all of you.  I so appreciate his voice and style when he is soft and contemporary.  I also liked the lyrics - thoughtful and well intended - identifiable.  I hope you all enjoy it.

Moving along - I am facing some medical tests over the next few weeks - markers really for management and treatment.  One in particular will tell if I have nerve damage in my legs and/or MS activity.  If I have nerve damage there is a medication for the pain - however I am very concerned about the risks. The MRI is so confining and the balance test and nerve test are an hour each and unsettling.  I also completely dislike the focus on the disease.  Then I meet with the neurologist on March 23rd to discuss the findings and disease management and so forth.  Yuck  BIG yuck!!!  

A big thanks to Grizz for his shared wisdom, understanding and very real input via email -

And as the saying goes - "this too shall pass".  I found myself researching holistic neurologist - there are none that specific - although there are holistic doctors - homeopathic doctors that treat autoimmune diseases. I guess I should stick with this guy for now.  Although I want to scream in his face - "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"!!  So be the song I posted above. 
  
I promised myself and Grizz that I will NOT focus on those four hours, for the three tests and the follow-up visit - but rather all the other hours and days that I wont be in medical drama!  It is hard to not worry and feel anxious and anticipate - any ideas on how to best do that will be greatly appreciated.  My life has SO many blessings to fill my mind and spirit, heart and soul.  Still, those invasive feelings around those four hours creep in - and take hold.  

I went to the hair salon today and I got my hair -hi-lited and it looks really nice and I got my nails done too.  A nice light Spring pink so I feel good about that.  :-)  I actually feel good about a lot.  I guess I will honor my fears and feel what I feel and also celebrate my freedom and all the wonderful feelings that go with that.  Balance!  It's all about balance. Like Diane posted about, life is a bunch of good news and bad news.  Without the comparison we wouldn't even know the difference and how awful would that be to never feel extreme or neutral, happy or sad.  It all has a purpose. 
That's Life!






   

49 comments:

Margie said...

Hi Gail
So nice to be here at your blog again and thank you for your visit to mine and your kind words!

I think you are a very courageous lady and will get through all those tests just fine!
Life no matter how bad it can get at times is still a miracle!
I like how you have such an appreccciation of the good things in your life!

Loved the song!

Margie x

Choices said...

Hi Gail,
Just take one day at a time. Yes, you are blessed and that is something to hold dear to your heart.
Take care and Smile!

Lisa said...

Oh! Gail, I will be praying it all goes okay. I'm so glad you got your nails and hair done. Those are things that can make a girl feel good anytime. :)

Love the songs!!!

I'll be praying!

Love to you,

Tramp said...

Yes, Grizz is more than just very knowledgeable on matters of the great outdoors. He has a way of putting things over that makes you appreciate and build on the good and tolerate the bad. And you know he's certainly right when he describes you as ebullient, (even if I had to look it up as well).
...Tramp

Gail said...

MARGIE-
So good to 'see' you again. I llove your blog space and all of your kindness and love and understanding. Thank you SO much for your encouragement

Love to you
Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

CHOICES-ANNE
Thank you SO much - and yes, I am smiling :-)

Love Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

LISA_

Thank you so much for all your prayers. And oh yes, feels so good to be all primped and trimmed :-)
Love to you
Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

TRAMP-

We certainly share a deep appreciation/
admiration for "The Grizz" - he is amazing. And too funny that you had to look that word up too. :-)
Love to you
Gail
peace......

Finding Pam said...

Could you ask for a sedative for the test? I will keep you in my prayers.

Gail said...

HI PAM-

Nah, I'll be fine. Thanks though.:-)
Love Gail
peace.....

lapilli said...

Dear Gail,
I have my fingers crossed for you.
Keep us posted about the medical tests.
Warmest hugs from your Italian friend :)

Lola said...

Gail: "lapilli" is one of my google account!
It's Lola ;)

Diana said...

Well Gail I think you should go for the tests with a happy attitude. Just think of that day as something different to do! And then forget about it.
I am surprised that you have to wait so long for the results but then again, I'm not! So just forget about it. Besides, I feel that it will all be good! Love You, Di ♥

Gail said...

HI LOLA/lappili :-)
So nice to see you. "thank you" for your caring hugs and I will let folks know. Yes, fingers crossed, indeed.
Love Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

HI DIANA-

Okay, ya - doing something different for sure! :-) And ya,it will all be fine, yup. And, it all does take so long but what3ever.
right?
Love you
Gail
peace.....

Rose Marie Raccioppi said...

Dearest Gail, LOVE the posted music - ALIVE with emotion - the fire that fuels LIFE... dear dear friend, you have weathered many a storm and set your sails free - so too again, so too again.

With love and faith,
Rose Marie

Bernie said...

Hello my friend, like you I am not a fan of test, any kind but they are a necessity. That day is going to come and go anyway so you might as well think positive and just allow yourself to breeze through the day. Easy for me to say I know, I don't have MS. I will light a candle, say a prayer and fill my heart with lots of love and confidence for you. I know when you focus on something totally different - it will help. (I use to do this during chemo, just took myself to a better place) the mind is a powerful thing.....many hugs, xo

Gail said...

BERNIE-

I SO appreciate your kindness and prayers and lighting of candles. ANd yes, I know hte mind is so powerful and I will get through these three tests, one at a time. "Thank you" my friend, "thank you".
Love Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

ROSEMARIE-

Yes, I have, weathered many a storm. And I will sail these freely - yes! SO glad you "felt" the music - :-) "thank you" for the loving gift of your friendship
Love Gail
peace.....

jennifer said...

Hi Gail! I'm visiting by way of Pam's blog.

I hope that you indeed focus on joy and your blessings during your trials. Maybe that will help you have peace in the face of these tests. I sure can't hurt :)

Spring-i-fying yourself is definitely a nice touch.

Have a wonderful day and a Happy Valentine's Day!

Gail said...

JENNIFER-

"thank you" SO much for visiting and for your kind words of encouragement and understanding :-) Please come by again.
Love Gail
peace.....

PENolan said...

Just saying "hi"
Wondering if you're having that test where they sort of Taser you . . .

verymissmary said...

Dear Gail,
I found your blog via Menopausal Stoners and it seems we may be in a similar medical boat! I also am in CT alot at the bungalow...ring a bell?
Anyhoo, I spent over a month dealing with anxiety anticipating the tests you are describing (I'm assuming it is an EMG, aka the most hated medical procedure next to...oh, I don't know...some others I've had) and you know what? It's not fun! I've had 2 now and the 2 episodes were very different. If you'd like I can share with you my strategies for approaching the second round which was not traumatic. The first EMG a few years ago was nothin' but. THEREFORE, THE DREAD AND DELAYING OF THE RECENT ONE. oops, caps lock, but it kinda works. Please call me, it's too much to write here, but this can be made more manageable and I'd like to help with some specific ideas.
And I think it's a really good question to ask your doctor, "what do you want from me?" His/her answer will give you so much information to go on!
Hope to speak with you because I think it will help,
Best, MK

Cinner said...

Gail, oh I hate worry about more tests, and more results, but as you say at the end, it is just something we have to do. One day one hour at a time, and all the other hours u won't be having tests, those are the days to really enjoy,. I wish you strength to get through this. hugs to you.

Gail said...

HI MARY-

WOw, quite a reality check!! Nice to meet you - despite our "similar boat" so to speak :-) I will findmy way to your blog and see how we can exchangenu. "Thank you" for coming by.
Love Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

TRISH-
ya, pretty much. :-0
Love you
Gail
peace......

Gail said...

HI CINNER-

as of today I am canceling two of the three tests. I will pray on it for a day.
LOve to you
Gail
peace.....

Fallen Angel said...

ever notice how all your followers are either gay men, or women...y'know...the touchy feely sorts...Anyway, look at it however you want, you're going to have the tests...so get over it. Although, I would love to be there for the balance test!!! OK, so you know I wish you the best (just didn't want to highlight my accepting nature)

Gail said...

HI FALLEN ANGEL-

nice to have you come by and comment :-) and ya, it's all good. talk to ya next week.
Love Gail
peace......

Teacher's Pet said...

Hi Gail! There is nothing like a trip to the beautician and getting hi-lites!! Makes my day....and I do hope that it lifted your spirits. You got the nails done, too, eh? Go Gail!!
I just read in your comment section that you just cancelled two of the three tests. As you undergo the testing, please know that I'm thinking about you. Would you please let us know how everything goes?
I like your attitude of focusing on the other days other than the tests. That's the spirit, my friend.
Love,
Jackie

Gail said...

HI JACKIE-

SO good to see you. Ya, I was thinking of canceling wo of the three, but I am forging on.
I love your pictures of the little ones with your Daddy - warms me all over.
Love to you always
Gail
peace.....

Andy said...

Hi Gail,

Sorry about all the things you're going through. But you're right. That's life.

Still, I hope things improve, in general, for you.

Gail said...

HI ANDY-

we are managing well, yup. too many blessings to let some of these challenges take away our good spirit. I Love that you came by with good wishes - it means so much.
Love Gail
peace/.////

lapilli said...

Hi Gail,
how is it going?

Gail said...

HI LAPILLI/LOLA

I AM SO SO SO Glad you came by. I was going to try and contact you via Andy. I have commented on your posts, most recently about your trip to Barcelona and on "Big Boy' and my comments are NOT appearing. :-( Please advise, ok>?

And I/we are ok except for the water issue we are cleaning up after the big melt a few days ago
How are you? Please write to me - you can get me email from Andy rather than me post it here if you want. :-)
Awaiting your reply
Love Gail
peace.....

verymissmary said...

Hey Gail, good to chat with you. Good luck with the tests, you'll be great! It's all really manageable. And good luck with the water issues: sounds like you've got everything well under control! Hey, my word verification is "hytest" - is it a subliminal secret message from somewhere? ROFL. xo Have a good movie. My nap time for sure.

Gail said...

HI MARY-

Yes, it was so nice to chat with you as well. I really liked the tone of your voice - very easy to hear and absorb - are you a singer?
Thanks for ALL your support and understanding.
Love Gail
peace.....

Andy said...

FALLEN ANGEL!!!!!!!!!!

Being a gay, touchy, feely type person - I REALLY MISS YOUR WRITING!

When are you coming back?

Eileen said...

Beautiful music, Gail!

I think the anticipation of these tests are almost as bad as the testing itself.
I know my cousin Jeanne is always going through a barrage of tests (she was diagnosed with MS at the age of twenty-one, she is now forty-five), and I know there were times she was gripped with fear, times she was frustrated, times she wanted to throw in the towel.
But, like you, she faces each new test and each new challenge, and she looks to the future and moves forward.
I so admire you both.

Keep the Faith.
Love and Prayers,
Eileen
P.S. ~ Keep us posted.
And many thanks for praying for my intentions when you have so many of your own.

Teresa said...

Hi Gail,
Finally, I could get to your post! I too love Adam Lambert and this song. I think this young man has amazing star quality, and he is a beautiful human being.

So sorry you have to endure so much. You are in my prayers.
(((HUGS))) T

Gail said...

HI TERESA-

SO good to have you come by. :-) I so appreciate your prayers and hugs :-=) I am okay, I am. And from all readings over at your place, you are okay too. :-)
Love Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

HI EILEEN-

Oh my, thank you for all your understanding, love and support. I am good. Yup, moving through it all just fine. phew. and i will keep praying for the little one in need in your world.
Love Gail
peace.....

Wanda..... said...

First I noticed you hadn't posted for awhile, then I realized I missed your latest post, Gail. So sorry, I have been going through a quiet spell recently, but spring-like weather is helping with that. I see by your reply to Eileen that you are good. Hope Spring brings all good things for all of us. Wishing you the best, Gail!

Gail said...

HI WANDA-

So nice to see you, i am struggling to post as well. hope Spring frees us all.\
How is Richard?

Love to you and yours
Gail
peace....

taio said...

foarteinteresant

Shen said...

Hi Gail

I wish you peace as you get through the tests. Try to remember it's only a few hours out of your whole amazing life. Maybe if you plan something fun for after, you can focus on that during the hardest parts.

I love that song too...

Gail said...

HI SHEN-

so good to seee you. ANd I truly appreciate your prayers and support. I am over two of them one was horrid. I am putting the third one off for a while. No biggee. I have been by your place - you are SO brave. I have lots going on so I am not commenting too much these days or posting.
LOve to you
Gail
peace.....

Just Be Real said...

Came back by to give you a hug.

Gail said...

HI JBR-

thank you so much, I needed a hug. :-)
Love to you
Gail
peace.....