Monday, May 3, 2010

As Mother's Day Approaches



As Mother's Day approaches I am filled with emotions. First, to all my blog friend that are Mother's and of course every one has a Mom so this wish is for you too :-). I wish you a very Happy Mother's Day!! Even as I write this wish I know that it is vast, and complex, and miraculous, and agonizing, and filled with the wisdom of all of our mother experiences, memories, desires, sorrows, celebrations, loss, gain, hope, fears, promises and LOVE>


AS this Mothers' Day fast approaches I am SO worried about my Mom - she is so tired, has no appetite, no energy and her mood and mind are changing. I love her so much and I am SO afraid of her lack of presence. I still see and feel and experience the gentle love in her blue eyes - with a bit less sparkle. I hold her small hands in mine which are seasoned with arthritis and always cold. Her body is small, so small - like she is disappearing right before my eyes.

This is me and Mom last Mother's Day. She is SO beautiful.


That is a gardenia corsage she is wearing - her favorite flower. I am so grateful she is here this Mother's Day - and as much as I am celebrating that, I am also so painfully aware of her decline. I promise that I will hold on to her spirit, and faith, and wisdom and softness and all the love - no matter what. I know many of you have lost your Mom's, and especially Diana who is facing her first Mother's Day without her Mom - my heart aches. I feel all mixed up this year - a blend, - of turmoil, gratitude, sadness, fear, hope and LOVE.

And now my Sister. A most wonderful Mother - her boys the center of her life, - three amazing sons. Her eldest, Clayton? He died. oh so suddenly, almost seven years ago. A mother's heart knows no bigger ache. Mother's day for her is always bitter-sweet as she celebrates her other two sons and agonizes the loss of Clayton. There are no words. The picture below is me and my Sis last Mother's day.



She is quite the opposite of me. tiny, small features, short sassy hair, and her nic-name is "Nancy-Nip!!!!! She is of sharp tongue! Woo! :-) We are so very close and always there for one another, no matter what.

My three children - all so unique.

Dolan - my youngest. He and I are very close. Even when he studied in Prague he reached across oceans to me. We talk almost every day, usually on his way home from the Bronx where he teaches High School English, and on his way to Brooklyn where he lives. and I love it. He always says that he celebrates me every day and that he doesn't need Mother's Day to remember and honor me. He shows me every day. :-) We always say "I love you", always. :-)

Jennifer - my middle child. She lives the closest and loves ALL the family traditions and celebrations. We have had our share of ups and downs, trials and tribulations and times of distance. We always find our way back. She makes me laugh like no one else can - she is very, very funny. :-) ANd we always say I love you at the end of every visit or call.

Kristie - my eldest. She is the most distant in miles and in family matters. She is strong-willed and a survivor and has had many, many obstacles before her. I miss her terribly and often wish she were part of our daily lives. Regardless, if something serious happened and I/we needed her I know she would get here. She ends every call with "I love you more Mom"..............sigh.

And so this Mother's Day we will gather for brunch, here. Quiche, fruit, muffin tops, coffee cake and scallops with pineapple. The day will be filled with so many emotions - a plethora, if you will. I will proudly pin my Mom's corsage on her lapel and offer my Sister her bouquet of three sunflowers that I give her every hear since Clayton died. I am most grateful that everyone feels love and says "I love you". That at times our hearts soar, and at times our hearts ache. Such is the bond of Mother's to their children and the never ending struggle to hold on and let go - hold on and let go - hold on and let go - hold on.................











27 comments:

Eileen said...

Beautiful post, beautiful song.

Makes me long for my own Mom.

I'm hoping this Mother's Day to emphasize everything positive in my life, and like you I will be surrounding myself with love, and family, and wonderful memories. Mother's Day is very bittersweet for me, but sometimes bittersweet is enough.

Really nice post, Gail.
Enjoy your Mother's Day. Enjoy making another wonderful memory!

Love to you,
Eileen

Gail said...

HI EILEEN

Oh my, I am SO emotional - I just keep crying. I love what you wrote to me, thank you SO much - and I know your Mother's Day will be all about the love, just like you. And ya, sometimes bittersweet is enough.

Love Gail
peace.....

The-Grizzled-But-Still-Incorrigible-Scribe-Himself! said...

I know you'd do this anyway without my saying so…but enjoy your Mother every moment you can. These are precious days, precious times. Special for both of you. And finite. You know that, too. Make good memories, and as many as you can. And do this with your kids, as well. Family, friends, loving and enjoying one another…in the end, they are the coin of life's treasure.

Gail said...

HI GRIZZ-

I am SO happy you came by to see me. I burst in to tears when I saw your name here. And yes my friend, I will do all that you said and open my heart fully and love hard and deep and honestly. I will receive their love however they choose to offer it and I will be gracious and humble and know how blessed I am.

Love you
Gail
peace......

Wanda said...

The last summer with my mother, I knew to purposely make memories. By fall it was even more evident there would be no more excursions into the woods. Winter saw her turn quieter as if preparing and that spring was her last. So make lots of memories for yourself, Gail!
Love to your mom.
...Wanda♥

Diana said...

That was such a beautifully sung song Gail. I feel for you Gail and I can't imagine how difficult it is to see your mother fading. My mom was very tired the last year but still her passing was unexpected. In a strange way I am happy that you are able to have this time with your mom as you know what is to come however painful it will be. I wish I had more time. I will say that I am actually afraid of Mother's Day this year as I have no idea what to expect. But I like you, am grateful for my three wonderful children. I can just feel your love for them in your words. Very beautiful. I also feel some of your sister's sadness as my close cousin just lost her daughter on Valentine's Day. We have been sharing our grief. It helps. I wish you a very Happy Mothers Day Gail and give your mom a hug and a kiss for me. Love Di ♥

Bernie said...

Honestly Gail, I'm not sure what I love the most your post or Beyonce's song....both are wonderful. Enjoy your mom just as she is, isn't that what we always wanted from our mothers, to accept us just as we were.....Happy Mother's Day my friend, and an especially big hug to your mom.
.............:-) Hugs

Gail said...

HI BERNIE-

Oh my, "thank you" And yes, that Beyonce versions so beautiful. will truly enjoy and lve my Mom just as she is, I promise. And again, "thank you"

HI DIANA

I cannot even imagine your anticipation this year, your first Mother's Day without your Mom. I will be holding you very close in my heart and prayers. And I always treasured each day with my Mom and now I will hold each moment even more precious - thank you for your love and understanding


HI WANDA-

by the time I read your beautiful comment I was crying again - I felt every word you wrote - in places within my heart I didn't even know existed - the ache is beyond measure. I appreciate your personal sharing SOmuch.

I love you all

Happy Mother's Day

Love Gail
peace.......

Whitemist said...

Great tribute to all!
I understand the feeling, for my mom has little time left and know it, yet i am trapped and i know it is for the best, least i hope so!
Take care Gail and have a blessed Mother's day!

Gail said...

HI JOEY

Looks like we are in similar boats, huh? Amazing how we find and help one another. Holding you close man.

Love Gail
peace.....

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

What a touching, heartfelt tribute to the mothers and children in your life Gail. In its scope it is also a tribute to Moms everywhere.

I hope your Mother's Day Weekend is one full of love and sweet connections.

Cinner said...

Gail, just a beautiful post, wow that song, i have never heard it before. I am sorry there is such a difference in your Mom, I am glad you will be with her and your sister. I loved learning more about your children too. Love to you,

Choices said...

Such a beautiful song. It brought tears to my eyes and chills. It made me think of my mother who is drifting away and is not herself. When I call and hear her voice, I try to remember the memories of when she was herself. Cherish these memories Gail on this Mother's Day and enjoy them with your family.
Happy Mother's Day to you and your Mom.

Gail said...

HI CHOICES-ANNE

Oh thank you SO much for sharing your similar experience with your Mom. I wept as I read your words, as they are mine as well. I will hold precious every moment with my adorable Mom, as she too is fading. Oh my.

HI CINNER
Ya, that song is amazing huh? It just felt so right to post this year. I am SO touched by all the wonderful and honest comments I am receiving. I feel everyone's love and understanding. THanks girl, "hey"

HI BONNIE

Thank yu SO much for your wishes. And ya, a tribute for sure to Mom's every where. :-)


Love to all of you
Gail
peace.....

Grant said...

Mother's Day - I'm exempt.

Gail said...

HEY GRANT

Exempt? How is that possible? You have a Mom, right? :-)

Love Gail
peace.....

Mark said...

Cherish your sweet and beautiful Mother and all those in your life. You have much to celebrate!

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Oh, Gail...this is simply lovely! What a wonderful tribute to all the Moms in your life! You have written so beautifully of them...and given them each the greatest gift of all...your love! You have such a beautiful soul! Happy Mother's Day to you! ~Janine XO

Gail said...

HI JANINE

Thank you for your heartfelt words to me. A tribute indeed! ANd Happy Mother's Day to you my friend.

Hi Mark-

Oh yes, cause to celebrate, for sure!!



Love to you both
Gail
peace.....

Tramp said...

Gail
I thought that I sent a comment on this but it hasn't appeared.
I mustn't miss the opportunity to wish you a memorable Mother's Day.
Coming from the UK our Mother's Day is 3 weeks before Easter. My mother left this world some years ago so on that day I try to make a fuss of the important women in my life, my wife and mother-in-law. For this my mother-in-law dubs me as crazy, but she adds with a smile that I am healthy crazy. I take that as a compliment...Tramp

PENolan said...

Love and Light, Girlfriend

Gail said...

HI TRISH

thanks Texas and Happy Mother's Day to you

Love Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

HI TRAMP

So sorry if your first comment went to the blogger twilight zone. :-)

ANd thank you so much for remembering me this day. I loved reading about your 'healthy-crazy' honoring of the special women in your life.

Love Gail
peace.....

TheChicGeek said...

Awww, Gail, you look just like your mother...(only younger)...lol
You could be twins!

Beautiful post. Happy Mother's Day to you! I have missed you. I am glad you are well and happy.

Wishing you a day filled with love, light, and all things beautiful, just like YOU!
xxO
Kelly

Gail said...

HEY CALIFORNIA GIRL-

thanks SO much for your kind words to me. Today was lovely. I feel blessed.

Love you
Gail
peace.....

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Happy Mother's Day, dearest Gail! You are a beautiful person! Love, Janine Xo

Gail said...

HI JANINE

"thanks" SO much - I love when folks
'come back' and spread more love - you are wonderful.

Love Gail
peace.....