I BELIEVE

I BELIEVE...........................





I really like this version of this song. And the video is well done. I think so , anyways.

As I wrestle with the effects of my silence as of late - it's not an all together 'feel good' outcome. The struggle being not about my silence but the perception of another as to why. I know, I know I have to let that go, knowing my intent was kind, and that beneath the silence is love. Even that is a concept that is far from reach for her - she only knows that my silence is different - after 10 years and much wrestling I knew I could not be the one with whom she processed. The lines crossed, and have been crossed for a while - I just became good at juggling and dancing across them. The latest experiences - some directly happening to me were so out of step that I could not juggle and dance anymore. Dual relationships, by design, create such a quandary - first and for years we were friends and equals, and for as many years after and now she is in a position of power - a style of management that I disagree with completely. I have been able to side step the style and still revel in the friendship. I can no longer do that so I chose the friendship and removed myself from being a listener and processor around any management issues. This silence did not go well - the events I experienced personally, through others and an overall style of blame, labels, accusations and "red-pencil" mentality in which she is a strong presence and my being privy to the dynamic became way bigger than my ability to support her in any way. We disagree completely on approach and style and opinions and what is fair, just and right in managing staff. I decided to not say anything and insist she not tell me anything either. All the lines between friend and manager were crossed and I don't even know any more where one role begins and the other ends. Part of me is grieving because I don't know if I can separate her from manager knowing what I know and then be able to trust her in friendship.
And so I have to believe that this too shall pass. I have to stand firm in my silence because beneath the silence is love. Can we have a conversation where I am truthful? Who would I be talking to if we did - manager or friend? I don't know the answer to that and maybe I never will. Right now there is no separating the two roles and that re-enforces my silence. I thought I was more able that I am to maintain both roles - and for a while I was, we both were, that is no longer the case, I believe.

Love Gail
peace.......