Thursday, July 9, 2015

Robbed or gifted?

My response was immediate, knee-jerk so to speak when my sister said "we have been robbed of our play time because of MS"  - I replied, "we have also been gifted"  So which is it? - Both I think.

In so many ways we have been robbed,  MS  has stolen pieces of my life, pieces of me. I remember what I could do before MS - the difference is both staggering and frightening.  My sister, as do I wishes we could venture off for the day and walk at the seaport, or a mall, or even a weekend get away, museums and parks and concerts and so forth.  Such outings are complicated even with Skipp who knows how to assist me and manage my mobility devices. Such adventures with anyone else would be quite unsettling for me and whomever.  And so it seems I/we have in fact been robbed!

Let's look at the gifted side.  Because of my MS diagnosis we had to down size and live with less financial burden.  My Mom had passed away three years ago this month (oh how I miss her healing touch and love) and her adorable in-law apartment (which we call our cozy bungalow) was empty and we were blessed and gifted to be able to move in here which is attached to my sister's home. We re-did it to our style and moved in December 2012.  It is lovely here, and my sis is right next door.  We see each other every day and on Friday's we have a "happy-tizer" evening with wines and fun foods.  Robbed or gifted?  I wouldn't see her much if we were still in our home a few towns away. I understand that it would be fun to have adventures and play dates out and about.  I have adjusted, surrendered (for the most part) to a new way to be adventurous and play.  My heart does ache when I realize I can't vacation  with Skipp too far away or in places that make my mobility issue an obstacle. We too have surrendered to simpler, closer ventures.  My mind struggles sometimes to wrap around my limits and yet I am at the same time so aware of my freedoms.  Robbed? Gifted?  
Every time I navigate a curb, climb stairs, get in and out of the car, have lunch out, visit friends, scooter around a mall, sit by the water on Long Island Sound, enjoy a meal and fine wine at home, kiss, hug, laugh, cry, pray, believe, scream, feel, love, and love some more, I am gifted, robbed, surrendered, peaceful and enraged, I am here!!
So I ask all of you, as you surrender to your realities are you robbed and/or gifted?  

Me and my sister Nancy

 

20 comments:

Brite Mist said...

oh, Gail - the blessing and the curse I know so well...but as difficult and worn out as i am from my own ordeal (which is different, but the same), the more i recognize the gift it brings and as i call it - my adventure, with things i could not experience otherwise.

Gail said...

Hi Joey - oh how I know you understand all too well. With hope for us all to experience the gifts
Love Gail
peace....

Judy at Peace Be With You said...

Well, of course, there are gifts as well as losses. My acceptance of those gifts is sometimes (often?) grudging, but they exist. I still dream, though, of what life would be like if I were well so obviously I have not let go of my attachment to that way of life. I endeavor to make the richest positive experience possible, but I can't deny I feel robbed when I see people walking about easily, when folks travel to places I would have loved to go to, etc etc. I guess I am a work in progress in dealing with this. I think it's great that you live so close to your sister since you two are so, yeah, close.

Gail said...

Hi Judy - so glad you stopped by. It is clear you understand both being robbed and gifted. Sad but true for us all.
Love Gail
peace.....

Muffie said...

I've said so many times that MS is a thief, stealing all of my favorite pastimes. Gift-wise, I'm not always up to viewing it that way, but I do know my experiences now are different. And I try to find comfort in them.

Gail said...

HI MUFF -yes, a thief indeed!! Your words ring true. So good to have you drop by
Love Gail
peace.....

Amanda said...

You have such a way to look at things, and you teach me something about compassion and care every single time I read a post of yours. I think you're right ... in that you are being robbed as well as gifted. What a wonderful thing for you to be able to be with your sister, that is such a gift, but the limitations that are a result really stink.

Thinking of you, my sweet friend.

Gail said...

Hello beautiful Amanda- thank you for your kind words. I hope and pray your time in Peru with your sister is loving, peaceful, life giving and more.
Love Gail
peace.....

Kim @ Stuff could... said...

Oh wow yall look alike! Yes we are both gifted and robbed. I am so glad you got to move near your sister, that is fun. So sorry about your mom, I know that pain. Get out when you can but I understand needing the help to get around

Gail said...

HI KIM so good to see you. Thanks for all your understanding on so many levels.
Love Gail
peace.....

Mother Wintermoon said...

I too, have experienced a life-limiting medical event and know from which you speak. The theft: 1) It has robbed me of my ability to participate in an active life, travel options, and activities I once enjoyed or had the option to consider. 2) I feel ~ I am ~ far more fragile and vulnerable now than I used to be. 3) I feel my mortality and fragility acutely. 4) I'm fearful during times when I'm alone, even though I enjoy and cherish solitude.

The gift: 1) You ~ your words ~ your perspective. 2) It has required me to be discerning about the company I keep. Likewise, it separates those who are genuine and compassionate from the fair weather folks who feel my limitations are about them, in that they see it as impeding or imposing upon their "fun." 3) The world wide web, which leads me to find and interconnect with people of shared experiences, I would never otherwise meet in real life. 4) The opportunity to grow a community of kindred spirits, so that each of us feels less alone.

Gail said...

MOTHER WINTERMOON - oh how your words vibrate to my very essence. every point is a truth of mine as well. I had a huge loss of a dear friend due to my illness - she chose to dismiss me from her life and her from mine. Broke my heart. And so yes, the understanding kindred spirits I find here give me hope and strength and I too don't feel so all alone.
Thank you for being here, for being YOU
Love Gail
peace......

Momma Moon said...

Gail, I feel your loss. I listed the separation of fair weather 'friends' from the genuine as a gift, but oddly enough, gifts aren't always painless or free from heartbreak. Ultimately, it's a gift to know the truth, but truths can be scarring, hurtful and life-changing. We needed to know this person wasn't who we thought they were, (an imposter of sorts), but that doesn't take away the hurt or feeling of betrayal. Here's to hope, strength, the embrace of kindred spirits! Luv and light, Momma Moon

Gail said...

MOMMA MOON - your kindness and wisdom give me strength and hope.Your 'knowing' is life-giving as it reflects my inner most self - thank you
Love Gail
peace.....

Andy said...

You know? Overall, I would say you have been given great gifts. You live next door to your sister and see her far more often than you would if you didn't have MS.

And you still do and see beautiful things. Wonderful things that you would have missed. OK so you may do things differently. You may not travel as far as you would like but travel is over-rated, I think.

I think you are very, very blessed.

Gail said...

HI ANDY -
I think you ar right!! :-)
Love Gail
peace.....

xaidw B said...

Gail,
Have not commented before, but commend you for the authenticity and truth that you willingly share here and on Peace Be With you. I do not have MS, but watched it devastate my son's life as well as mine. I loved him before his MS, and did not need him to have a disease to love him more. Sorry, but the robbery was far greater than the "gift". He agreed.
Hilda

Gail said...

HELLO XAIDW - I am so glad yo visitd here - your words are true and compassionate. So sorry about your son, and the robbery from MS - such an injustice.
Love Gail
peace.....

mother wintermoon said...

Just stopping in to see how you're doing Gail. Hope your days are filled with simple pleasures. Sending smiles your way, MW

Gail said...

Thanks Wintermoon - it means so much to have you drop by to check in - I am ok, struggling with a infection and some other stuff - sigh
Love to you
Gail
peace.......