Monday, April 29, 2013

The Road Less Traveled

It's been a while, I know.  Not really much to say it seems.  I am at a bit of a cross-road - well, actually  it feel  more like a road less traveled.  And by that I mean our new home and surroundings. As cozy and beautiful and priced right and on and on as this all is, I/we miss our "home".  So this road, much less traveled is still foreign - I even feel a bit lost here.  My familiar, my safety is within Skipp and me and Gracie - our 'pack', our unity, our love. our traditions, old and new.

Add to that kind of lost feeling is my health challenges that increase in symptom intensity as soon as the warmer weather begins.  MS does not like the heat.  I tried a new medication to ease some of the nerve pain but it didn't work.  I tried though.

The other 'road-less-traveled is that Mother's day is fast approaching and it is my first one without my Mom here on this earth to celebrate and show how much I love her and how much she means to me.  Every Mother's day, for as long as I can recall, has been about my Mom - what to have for dinner, buying her a gardenia corsage, picking out her card, and just being together.  Oh how I miss her.

And I know all the language about how she, and her love are within me forever, and that I can still celebrate her and honor her - I know!  And as wonderful as all that is, it doesn't put her in my arms to hug and sit beside her and share a meal and pin that corsage on her jacket.



And there is my Mom - Mother's Day 2011, with her gardenia corsage.  Lovely, isn't she?

And then, come July 13th, it will be the one year anniversary of her passing.  Oh my.......how can that be, but it is true.  Truly, this is a road-less-traveled.  A new path I am forging.  There have been many paths before this and there will be other paths down the road......I just need to keep traveling - staying the course as the road, my road of life, continues on......it is all quite different now, from a norm I once knew......and even as I write this I can see all the new norms over the years to which I have adjusted as they happened, as well as some, actually many, I have created.  For some reason this particular time of travel feels like a road, upon which, I am struggling to gain my footing -  I take a couple of firm steps forward and then stumble and stall.  I pick myself up again and keep traveling along.

I pray for peaceful surrender and empowered wisdom as I move forward in this time of unyielding truth and change.  To revel in the freedom of once again arriving despite the odds.  Amen....

21 comments:

"Madeleines Pics" said...

You have a way with words Gail.
This is beautiful!
Your Mom looks like a gorgeous woman, both inside and out.

Gail said...

Madeline - thanks for coming by. My Mom is a gentle loving spirit - wise and beautiful.
Love Gail
peace.....

Jackie said...

Your Mom is beautiful, and I know that you miss her very much.
As Mother's Day approaches, please remember that your Mother smiles on you and wants you to be happy and content wherever you are, my friend.
Happy Mother's Day in heaven to Gail's Mama.
Love,
Jackie

Kim @ Stuff could... said...

I was thinking about how long it took me to get used to this road and our new house, 10 years ago...just the other day. It sure takes time.

So Sorry for the loss of your Mom, it will be tough for your first Mothers Day...after 8 years I still miss my Mom, of course.

Gail said...

@JACKIE - thanks for your kind, loving words. I know my Mom is at peace and loving me always. I just miss her terribly.

@KIM - thanks Kim for sharing in my time of change and loss and also blessings.

Love to you both
Gail
peace....

Muffie said...

Yes, I do believe your Mom is still with you in spirit. Yet, I can only imagine how difficult it must be without her. Prayers for you...
Peace,
Muff

Gail said...

MUFF- thanks for the prayers and understanding.
Love Gail
peace.....

Brite Mist said...

oh so difficult Sadly, it has been 2 years and it is still not enough...Prayers and peace - most get to travel this road -love, prayers and peace Dear Gail

Gail said...

HI BRITE MIST-JOEY
Thank you so much. I know you understand as I recall being near you (via blog-land_ when your Mom was sick and then passed. Such a void.
Love you man
Gail
peace....

Cinner said...

My Dear friend, there was a reason I came to visit today. I am sorry about your MS and the heat, but as you said at least you tried. Mothers day will be hard for you Gail, and nothing we say will make it any easier hon. Just remember all the times and I have learned in my Dads abscence that love just keeps growing. It seemed to help once we got through the first of everything...first Fathers Day not there.....as it will be with your Mom. I am saying a prayer for you, you are stronger than you know dear friend. Know I am thinking of you and your Mom...if I could I would hold your hand through this, so from far away...love you.

Gail said...

CINNER - a million thank you's love. I feel you close to me holding my hand and all your love and support. Means SO much. I know about all the "firsts" and tht this too shall pass.
Love to you always "hey"
Gail
peace....

Robert Parker said...

Thank you for sharing such a wonderful story about your mother! A very timely reminder that I need to send my own mother a proper Mother's Day remembrance!

And yeah, the weather change... my former herbalist told me that whenever the weather changed, his office immediately filled up with people needing herbal assistance. We MSers, we're definitely not the only ones who have our own "issues" with changing weather.

Gail said...

@ROBERT - I am so glad you came by - I feel honored and thrilled. I think you are 'way-cool' and I like your style. And yes, please do something special for your Mom - because one day you wont be able to.
Love Gail
peace....

Shen said...

HI Gail,
I'm coming late to this post. I've been busy writing my book and have just recently returned to blogging. I have a new vision for my blog, one that I hope is more on the side of healing than pain.

And... I can hear the pain and love in your words about your mom. I'm sorry for the loss of someone so special and dear. She's obviously given you a lot because you are a remarkable woman, capable of so much love.

Hope all else is well in your life,

~Shen

Gail said...

@SHEN - thank you so kuch for visiting and for your kind, loving and supportive words. I look forward to your new vision and your book.
Love Gail
peace.....

Just Be Real said...

Me and my little girl sends you hugs Gail. Blessings.

Gail said...

HI GRACE & lil Grace

so nice to have you come by and give a hug
Love
Gail/Annie<3

Andy said...

Life is sure hard sometimes, Gail. We can only try to be strong inside and be grateful for everything we do have.

My thoughts are with you

Gail said...

HI ANDY - thanks for your kind and understanding words to me. Means a lot.
Love Gail
peace.....

Rose Marie Raccioppi said...

Dearest Gail,

Your words, your path, known within heart. The pain of loss often lingers, pulling on the very fibers of our souls. We have only to weave a new cloth of acceptance. Yes, the warp and weft of life's loom calls for our enduring love and strength.

Happy Mother's Day dear Gail ... you in Celebration dear friend.

Gail said...

@ROSEMARIE - thank you for "knowing" so deeply matters of the heart. Happy Mother's Day to you my friend.
Love Gail
peace....