Sunday, July 29, 2012

Wondering why -

I am struggling with some negative thoughts.  I am unsettled about some things, people actually.  SO many wonderful, loving and kind people that knew and loved my Mom came forward to celebrate her life, acknowledge the loss of her passing and provide support and understanding in a variety of ways to all of us who feel her passing so strongly. So why am I feeling upset and hurt and focused on  people that I thought would have come forward and did not!  Or, the menial way they did acknowledge in no way honored the huge loss or the abundance of my Mom's life.  People I really thought cared and would offer some support and somehow share in this life changing event in my/our life and did not.  I am stunned by these people's lack of compassion and support. Stunned!  I need to shake these feeling off because they are not easy to feel and certainly have no place in my loving memories of my Mom and my grief journey, or do they?  And there lies my confusion.


Muffie said...

There's no excuse for people ignoring your family at this time. Even though people get uncomfortable and sometimes don't know what to say or how to act around the family of the deceased, they still owe it to your friendship to acknowledge your mother's passing.

Diana said...

I do believe this is all part of the grief process Gail. I remember having these feelings when my mom passed too. Th whole first year was a grieving process, which I don't believe ever really ends. I think knowing that those of us left behind feel all of the pain helped me in some ways. I know that mom is in the best place ever. Love Di ♥

Gail said...

@DI - thanks SO much - I know you understand all too well - I so appreciate your wisdom

@MUFF -I truly love your 'no-nonsense' attitude - it helps me to be strong

Love to you both

Kim @ Stuff could... said...

I had some of these feelings when my Mom passed...I guess it is part of the grieving process
Hope you feel better

Jackie said...

Gail...unfortunately, some people get wrapped up in "themselves" and forget that it is in serving and celebrating and showing love to others that demonstrates what caring is truly about. I don't know the circumstances surrounding the ones who haven't provided the support that they should have, but I do know that it is causing you struggles and as you say, "negative thoughts" and I pray that those feelings will be changed into ones that would celebrate your Mom's life in the way that she would have liked for it to be celebrated...remembering her and the love that she gave and shared with others. I am so sorry, Gail, that those that could have acknowledged the loss of your Mom didn't do that. I pray for only lovely and loving memories to remain. As Di so eloquently said, I believe that these feelings are part of the grieving process. I hug you from here and hope that you always feel those hugs.

Gail said...

@JACKIE - thank you somuch for your support and understanding. The loev and memories of my Mom are paramount to any hurt I feel from those who are so self absorbed that they cannot give of themselves. I just dislike that their inaction is part of my process -
again, "thank you"

@KIM - yes, all part f it sigh........ thanks for taking the time

Love to you both

Judy at Peace Be With You said...

Gail, I am sorry you are suffering. The grief process for all differs. It might be good to not burden yourself additionally with perceiving lack of friendship and compassion from others. Your mother's loss is a primal loss. May your heart find the solace you so need. A big hug.

MadPriest said...

My guess is that the psychology behind how you are feeling about all this is so complicated that you will never get to the root of it let alone any of us out here in Blogland. So I'll restrict my advice to that famous saying of Jesus Christ (that, for some reason, never made it into the Bible), "Don't let the b**tards get you down!"

Andy said...

People express grief or sadness in different ways. How you think people should act may not be the same as how they choose to act or, even, are able to act.

Maybe, given that they knew how hard it would be for you, they are keeping away rather than burden you with their sadness? Or, maybe, they are frightened that your sadness will be overwhelming for them?

I'm not trying to make excuses for them - but their side of the picture is important.

In the end, it is not really the other people who matter. It is the ones who support you that really matter and you should concentrate on them. Don't you think?

Gail said...

@ANDY - I understand an agree with everything you said. And I know that my focus need only be on those who have shared lovingly and supportively with me/us during this time of loss - so b my own confusion as to why my thoughts wander to those who didn't bother.

@MADPRIEST - you are just the best!! thanks! Jesus said it right - thanks for reminding me.

@JUDY - thanks for the understanding words and the hug, both are so appreciated and kind.

Love to you all

Amanda said...

It may or may not be grieving, but it is what you're feeling (and it is okay). Some people get highly uncomfortable in situations such as this, that cannot (for whatever reason) be there physically, emotionally, etc.

I'm sorry that you are in that position, and that those you expected to be there for you and your family, were not. Just remember, you have plenty of people over here that care for you and are holding you and your family in thought.

Gail said...

Amanda - thanks SO much for visiting and supporting me as I sort thru this conflict. I know what you and opthers say is true - so many have stepped up and I will do my best not to wander away from those blessings.
Love to you

Have Myelin? said...

First, let me say I'm sorry about the passing of your mom. know I lost my daughter since you visited my blog. =) I experienced the very same thing.

I was dumbfounded at the number of people who: 1.) didn't attend her wake 2.) didn't send a card 3.) who did attend her wake but said nothing to me 4.) who attended her wake but compared my loss to say...a cat and on it goes.

I still get upset.

It is hard, isn't it....I think until it happens to YOU, one doesn't understand. At least that is what I tell myself in order to forgive them.

Again...I am very sorry about the loss of your mother and the horrible way people treated you.

People think it's a "burden" to share grief for some reason. IT IS NOT!

Gail said...

Hi Have Myelin - and thanks SO much for visiting me and for your understanding and wise words. And the lack of regard and true empathy form some people IS mind boggling. I will come over to your place soon. Until then,
peace and love