Saturday, December 10, 2011

CHRISTMAS

Hi all - I haven't really felt much like writing - truth be told?  I am struggling to feel the spirit of the season.  I am very much in rhythm with loss and fear.  Perhaps that is in keeping with the 'season' since it is this season that brings to mind days gone by, people gone by and challenges too. For all I am so blessed to be and have and believe it is dripping with tears of wishes for some things to be different.  Oh I know all that sayings about living in the moment, celebrating what I have, counting blessings etc., I do and I am and I thank God because without all that, well, I shudder to think However, all of that does not dismiss what I long for,  I want my eldest daughter to remember me, to come home, to show me I matter in her life, to bring my grandson here to finally meet him, to see my other two grandchildren too - it has been years.  I don't understand why.  I wish for friends that have slipped away to come back - to have an active presence in my life again - I wish to NOT have MS - I want the pain to stop.

Meanwhile I do want to wish you all a Merry Christmas so I leave you with this song which says it all for me and is my favorite Christmas song.





21 comments:

Theanne and Baron said...

(((((hugs))))) Gail, thinking of you!

Madeleines Photos and Blog said...

My thoughts and prayers go with you...
I understand pain....
Love
Madeleine

Wanda..... said...

Wish I had the ability to help you achieve what you long for, Gail. I imagine you have written your daughter of missing her, sometimes written words speak louder than ones once heard or spoken. Hope things change for the better. One of my favorite Christmas songs is 'Please Come Home For Christmas' by Aaron Neville...Bon Jovi sings it too.

Eileen said...

I so get that feeling you write about. It in no way negates the joy that is in our lives, but sometimes, especially at this time of year, all the joy is not enough to off-set that longing to fill a certain void in our lives and in our hearts.
I will hold you and your family close in heart and prayer, Gail.
Love to you,
Eileen

Birdie said...

oh dear Gail ... there is lots of pain in your heart and i don't know the answers ... but i think one way to heal an aching heart is love ... please 'feel' my hug tonight, and if i would be sitting down with you drinking our tea, i would say 'all will be well Gail, all will be well' ... sending much much love to you!

Lisa said...

Dear Gail,

I will be praying you will receive all these things and more.

Much love, Lisa

Tracey said...

Hugs and prayers to and for you, my dear. I understand exactly what you mean; it takes me a while to get into the spirit around this time. The holidays completely freak me out. I keep getting asked when I'm going to decorate, but I just can't seem to get going on it. Otherwise, I hope all your prayers & wishes come true, esp. your daughter & grandchildren, but mostly for your pain. Peace to you; God is in total control :-)

Anne said...

Merry Christmas, Gail.I wish all good things for you in 2012. Take care and smile.

Bernie said...

Sending big hugs to a wonderful lady. Sorry your daughter hasn't found her way home yet, God willing she will soon.
Take care my friend and know you are loved just as you are, sending big hugs....:-)

Jackie said...

Gail...my friend.
I wish all those things for you, as well. I wish them because you do. I will pray for the situation regarding your daughter and your grandson. Please know that I will do that. I will do it in earnest...and will continue to minister to you and for you in prayer, Gail.
As we draw nearer to Christmas, I pray that the celebration in your heart will outweigh moments of struggles that you are having at the present. They are natural and normal struggles, my friend. They are. I don't understand the 'why's' of life, either. And, it's absolutely OK to ask 'why'...and just as important to know that perhaps we won't know 'why'...this side of heaven. We'll perservere and hold onto the friendships and love that we have to help sustain us. And they will. May the love of our Lord envelope you as you read this....knowing that you have a friend who is truly and sincerely praying for your best interests. I'm sure you have friends who are already doing that, and I count myself blessed to be able to join them.
Warmest hugs and love to you,
J.

Cinner said...

It sounds like you had a rough day. I
wish you did not have MS too. You have been so brave through it all hon. It makes sense that it angers you and you have days where you are just darned pissed off....I pray all the time for you to be feeling well, there are always better days ahead I tell myself. Maybe God willing your daughter may one day come to her senses. I know this has been hard on you. celebrate in spirit maybe....one thing about life is it changes all the time, so don't give up hope...sending you a big hug and just wanted to say your not alone, you are loved by a Canadian sister whom in her day could kick some major butts...so if you need me you call me. I will be calling before Christmas. hugs. keep your chin up.

Scott said...

Gail, I read an article in the New York Times Science section the Tuesday of Thanksgiving week that said that people who make a list of five things for which they are grateful every week actually have a much more positive outlook on life after two months. I'm a little bit skeptical, but hey, I'm trying it and it can't hurt.

I hope your mood gets a little better. I'm thinking about you.

Gail said...

@THEANNE - "thank you, it means SO much

@MADELINE - Your woords and understanding are so comforting, thank you.

@WANDA - Oh yes, I have written and spoken to her as well. there are times when she says all the right things but none come true - and I know the song of which you wrote - I love it as well

@EILEEN - thank you for your kind understanding and love and prayers. I know it is all about balance, sigh....

@BIRDIE - Hi and "thank you" SO much. I received your lovely card yesterday with the tea bags in it and yes, I will imagine getting my nice china cups out and us sitting together. It meant so much to receive your card.

@LISA - thank you so very much for your prayers

@TRACEY - I so love how you write - it is real and natural and so true. I so appreciate you and your kindness to me.

@ANNE - thank you and :-)


@BERNIE - I love your hugs and wisdom - "Thank you" for being my friend

@JACKIE - Oh my, I love your gentle loving spirit - your goodness and truth shine - you are a beacon of light for me Jackie - "thank you"

@CINNER - "Hey" love - "thank you" yes, you are my sister, and so important to me in all times of my life. I so wish you were here. "Thank you" for understanding me and loving nme anyways. :-)

@SCOTT "thank you" for your wise words. I do have so much to be grateful for and itr is rare I lose sight - but I will remember to say at least five of them every day. I promise. :-)

Love and deep appreciation and thanks to you ALL
Gail
peace.....

Finding Pam said...

Dear Gail, I'm sorry that you are in pain. Nothing puts me in a worse mood than pain. You are like the sunshine most of the times. I treasure your wisdom, and kindness.

I will keep you in my prayers as always. I'm wishing you a pain free body. Hopint that you hear from your daughter.

Please hang on and don't give up.
Love you,
Pam

Theanne and Baron said...

I'm afraid I gave your fish so much food they might be sick ;-)

Peace Be With You said...

I am so glad my computer finally allowed me to subscribe to your feed. I would have done it a while back because I think you are a lovely person. I thank you for your comments on my blog. And I hear what you are saying in this post. The holidays are difficult for those for whom illness and estrangement are a reality. I have been there so I understand. I send you hugs.
Judy

Gail said...

PAM - "thank you" so much for your prayers and well wishes. They mean so much to me. And so too the sun still shines even though I am so aware of the dark clouds around I still see and feel the sun.
Love Gail
peace......

Gail said...

THEANNE - I laughed right out loud at the image and thought of my over-fed and sick fish!! I needed that laugh - "thank you" :-)
Love Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

HI JUDY - I am SO glad you found your way here as i value you and our intimate connection so much. I so love your poetry as it speaks my heart.
Love Gail
peace.....

Kim @ Stuff could... said...

This season does bring back memories of times gone by...However it is sweet to have those memories, I hope

Gail said...

HI KIM - oh yes, my memories are sweet and warm - I miss those days so very much.
Love to you and so glad you came by
Please know I am usually way more upbeat take a moment to browse back a bit if you can, thanks.
Love Gail
peace.....