Friday, June 10, 2011

Go on, regardless.

A year old!  Damien Chase - I don't know him.  He does not know me.  I am his Gram - the many facets of why this is so are heart wrenching at best.  I heard he was sick - in the hospital even - needs surgery of varying kinds.  The details are not shared.  This is one of those "oh just go on with my life and be happy regardless situation" that is way easier said than done.  It's his Mom's birthday too this month - I sent a package - filled with love.  I had a letter written with some serious guilt and shame on her in it - I sealed and re-enveloped her card at least 10 times - and now I have a bunch of cards with no envelopes  :-).  I didn't send the letter.  Wanna know what finally helped me decide?  Ready?  Oprah!  I swear it's true.  She said how we are all responsible for our own lives (I know this) and that we are also responsible for the energy we bring to others (I know this).  The energy in the letter of guilt and shame was bad energy.  The package had only love in it.
For Damien?  I had a little Nascar shirt designed with his name on it and a Nascar Teddy Bear too.  For her?  A plaque that said 'daughter are to be cherished'. also I found a card I had sent to her when she was 16 - it said she could always count on me - I sent that along, and some pictures of her family, here - that loves and misses her.  Her estrangement from me, us....breaks my heart.  I am reminded in June - she was born June 21st.  Her own daughter as well, she has distanced herself.  Her daughter left because of the boyfriend - terrible situation.  He is Damien's father. My daughter wants him to stay - she is paying a high price to hold on to him.  Use your imagination.
And so June will end- and I will go on with my life, regardless - I keep a candle in every window - lit all year so she can find her way home. 
Please pray she finds her way home.


23 comments:

Grizz………… said...

Gail, I don't what to say to somehow help ease the sorrow and fear and heartbreak…the overall pain of the situation. People make choices, and sometimes they are bad choices. I guess that is their right. Except they they share the world with people—friends, family, those who are also affected by the choices made. It's unfair and undeserved, but a fact.

I hope your daughter one day sees the roads she's taken for what they truly are. I hope that happens sooner instead of later, before too many bridges are burned and too much of what could have been is forever lost. More than anything, I hope all concerned—child, daughter, mother, grandmother—can maintain the strength to find their way through this terrible maze, and that everyone remain safe and healthy.

You absolutely did the right thing in not sending the letter. Your best help is always going to be good energy and never-ending love. Keep your heart open and your prayers ongoing. With faith, all things are possible.

Margie said...

Oh, this kind of broke my heart for you, Gail.
But you did the right thing by only sending the package with the love in it!
It's so true about us being responsible for our own lives and also the energy we bring to others.

I will pray your daughter finds her way back home!
Keep the faith that it will happen.

Hugs
Margie

Choices said...

Your blog post was very heartfelt. Your feelings are in my heart as well. Go on, yes, and always keep that candle burning in the window!
Take care, Gail.

Cinner said...

Gail I am so sorry, I know how this hurts you hon. I know you would love to see them, maybe one day that will happen. I think these choices in her life have nothing to do with you. I would think for her it may be easier to distance herself because that way it is easier for her to be in denial about the reality she lives in. I know that as her Mom it has to be very hurtful for you...I pray it all turns around for you all, of course it has everything to do with you, I did not mean that badly....I know in my first marriage I made alot of choices that my parents did not agree with and well one day they were suddenly smarter than I...so my friend there is always hope. love to you.

Bernie said...

Oh sweetie she will find her way home, you have to believe this in your heart. Your grandson will be home as well......you did the right thing by not sending that letter. You would only have added more fuel to an already out of control fire. Be patient my friend, be true to yourself and know that true love will always rise up and win over anger and bitterness. Praying for all of you, hope you are taking care of yourself, you know stress is not good for you. Sending big hugs, much love and tons of prayers...Hugs

Gail said...

Thanks GRIZZ- your words are so wise and so comforting. I feel so blessed to have you in my life

THANKS MARGIE - I SO appreciate you and your prayers and understanding. I feel your love and compassion and it means so much.

THANKS CHOICES-ANNE - I am so thankful for your kind understanding and share support.

THANKS CINNER-
What can I say girl - you so "know me" and you SO "get it". I appreciate you and our friendship so much. Your love and support helps a lot.

THANKS BERNIE - I so need your faith and positive words of all good outcomes. I love your beliefs and wisdom and I am so glad you share it with me.

Love to you all
Gail
peace......

Andy said...

Sorry to hear about this, Gail. It must be difficult for you but keep that candle burning and one day, one hopes, she will need and see the light.

Eileen said...

Great decision, Gail!
It was a decision based on love. And love doesn't always have to be proving or validating what is right.

I bite my tongue A LOT here with different situations that are going on in my life and the lives of our children/grandchildren right now. It's hard to know when you are stepping over a line. It's hard when your heart wants to protect them.

Lately I've been dwelling on the fact that I had plans for my children and my grandchildren, and Ray and I had a plan for ourselves too, but God had a different plan. And I just remind myself of that, and it helps a lot.

Stay strong.
Love and Prayers,
Eileen

Gail said...

HI EILEEN - I know you understand. Our lives parallel. Are you speaking about you and Ray wanting to move South and perhaps due to circumstance you have to stay in NY? SiI know how hard this is on so many levels. I SO appreciate your wisdom and advice and guidance and validation that love is ALWAYS the est response. Amen
Love to you
Gail
peace.........

Gail said...

HI ANDY-
So good to see you. I love your wish - that she one day will "need and see the light" "thank you"
Love Gail
peace.....

Shen said...

Wow Gail,

How hard... and it seems as if you are doing everything you can. I hope this can come full circle, find you reunited with your daughter and give you a place in your grandson's life. I feel so bad for anyone who is in a situation like I am imagining your daughter in. If it was bad enough for her daughter to leave, it must be bad...

so so sorry. Here is a big hug for you and know that you are worth all the love I wish for you.

Diana said...

I know how painful estrangement can be Gail, especially depending upon the circumstances. I will pray for your daughter. And never give up hope, I know that you won't! Love to you my friend. Love Di ♥

Gail said...

HI DI- I am SO SO happy to see you and I so appreciate your love and understanding. I miss you.
Love Gail
peace.....

Gail said...

HI SHEN -
Yes, it is quite bad and I am quite powerless. I will keep the love and light aflame and pray. Thank you so much for your love and support.
Love Gail
peace.....

K. Siobhan said...

Gail, this post touched me deeply. I hope your daughter finds he way. You're love is plentiful and warm and you are strong. As others have said, there is always hope. Big hugs to you.

Anyes said...

Choosing to send loving energy and prayers her way is so powerful, Gail. Sending healing energy your way

Just Be Real said...

Perfect timing of a post Gail. Thank you.
Blessings.

Gail said...

HI JBR - so nice to see you and so glad the
timing' of this post was perfect. :-)

HI ANYES - I so appreciate your kind support and good energy. i am thrilled we met.

HI SIOBHAN-
"thank you" so much foryour kind words and wishes. It means a lot to me.


Love to you all
Gail
peace.....

Just Be Real said...

Gail, thank you always for your prayers and support. Blessings to you dear one.

Lola said...

Hi Gail,
I think you did the right thing.
And thank you for this post... i've never put much thought on energy-responsibility issue.
Indeed, it's true.

Gail said...

HI LOLA-
So nice to see you. Thanks so much for your validation. :-)
Love Gail
peace......
hugs to Big Boy

Rebecca said...

I join the others in applauding the goodness in your heart and willingness to give even when there is no response.

Gail said...

Thanks Rebecca
Love Gail
peace.....