Sunday, December 12, 2010

Like an echo across a vast canyon.....

And so it is that this most blessed season of hope, miracle, promise, love and joy - there is also sadness, sorrow, grief and loss. And I am not the bearer of such bad news nor is it my intention to dampen any spirit - I am, however, acknowledging that amidst the 'fa-la-la-la-la's there are tears.
Each of us is fighting some kind of battle, or battles - health challenges, loss, fears, resentment, anger, perhaps rage or dare I say the unspeakable feelings of hate -


Yes, amidst all the love and joy and hope there is suffering. I, like most of you, rise above such sorrow and celebrate the birth of Jesus and honor family traditions and spread love and good news and humbly give and receive. 'Tis the season.....'


As you all know - my eldest daughter is estranged from us and it hurts my heart so. I sent her a card with family pictures and also gifts for the children. She called.................and I could hear her speak - she said all the right things - the 'thank you's", and the "I love you's and updates on the baby. Her voice? It was an echo, across a vast canyon - I could not get hold of the origin or the place and space from where her words came - I could hear her - but the echo was in the distance - so far- so lost in the space of time and distance - I ached beyond expression.


This echo, this vast space of time and distance - leaving me unaware of where she really is was quite profound - when I got off the phone I shivered and held my arms across my chest, rocking - remembering when I held her in my arms and tears fell silently down my face and I wished her 'home'...... 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFGfCn5rKIM

13 comments:

Cinner said...

Oh sweet Gail, I am glad she phoned but can still sense your worry, hopefully one day that space will become less and less and you will find her at your door. Love you girl.
Be well.

Gail said...

HI CINNER

thanks love - I hope so too.

Love to you
Gail
peace and hope for us all

Bernie said...

My heart aches for you, I know how much you miss your daughter and grandchildren. Trust that she is okay and when the time is right she will return to the place where she was safe and loved, I can almost guarantee it will happen. It may take awhile dear friend, but the wait will be oh so sweet and well worth it. Sending you big hugs....:-)Hugs

Gail said...

BERNIE-

Thank you so much for your loving prayers for her safe return 'home' Amen. It means so much that you understand.

Love to you my friend
Gail
peace and hope

Rebecca said...

How encouraging that you knew where to send her card & gifts for your grandchildren! How encouraging that she picked up the phone and called. Sounds like she has a "stirring" toward you - however far away she feels to you right now! I can't wait to hear that all the "distances" have been bridged and your heart ceases its suffering.

Gail said...

REBECCA-

Encouraging indeed, :-) and I so appreciate your expressed outcome - for the distance to be bridged. Hallelujah

Love Gail
peace and hope.....

Eileen said...

Well, Gail, I know your feelings well. I can be in the same room with my daughter and yet it is much as you said, "a vast canyon" between us. But we do have our light moments, moments of laughter, moments of 'thank-you', shared interest, and I try to concentrate on that. Of course the fact that she keeps the family 'at bay', and refuses to participate in most family gatherings (choosing to close herself off in her room when family is here, and refusing to come with us to relatives homes) hurts everyone, but I let her be, and I just try to find common ground now. It hurts that she's now keeping our grandson away too, but I just keep hope alive that things will change in the future.
We always have hope, Gail.
What's that saying? Where there is breath, hope is alive.
Peace to you, Gail.
Love and Prayers,
Eileen

Gail said...

EILEEN-

this is one truth I wish we didn't have in common. :( But so be it, and I thank you for sharing with me how you face this and how you hang on to hope. I will hang on with you - it is easier that way, for sure. You are the best :-)

Love to you
Gail
peace.....

Wanda..... said...

Gail, my sincere wishes for a reconciliation with your daughter, go out to you. Your 'Wild World' video was moving...given the situation. Please be optimistic!

Bonnie said...

Gail: I can imagine how painful it feels to be on the other side of that 'vast canyon'. The good news is she DID initiate a call and you two still have a connection, even tho' it is not the one you would prefer.

It does seem to take some children longer to get a sense of who they are and to stop defining themself by who they are not - e.g. their parents - who they seem to need to distance themselves from to figure out who they are.

Hang on. Things change. This is probably not a forever situation.

Gail said...

BONNIE-

thank you so much for your kind understanding, support and encouragement. I am hanging in there :-)

WANDA-
thank you for your loving support and I am glad you found the connection to the song - it was my intention :-)

Love to you both
Gail
peace....

Teacher's Pet said...

Gail, I wish that I could be there...and give you a hug. I don't have any more words than that to express how I feel after I read these words from your heart....and if I could hug you right now, I would.
Much love to you, my friend.
Jackie

Gail said...

JACKIE-

"thank you" for your warm 'hug' - I feel it, I swear I do :-)

Love to you always
Gail
peace and hope.....