A Requiem Of Emotions

And so today is a day of honor - memory - sadness - love - joy - celebration - agony - oh so many things. For today is the day Clayton Joseph Kelly died seven years ago. And today is the day my Mom was born - Liberata Marranzino - 86 years ago. The force of these events surges through our family like wild fire, fine wine, lava and silk all at once. I feel it all. Clayton, just 32 years old - my sisters oldest son - my God-son - a man of honor - love - understanding - humanity - purpose - humility and promise. Our Mom - a woman of deep faith - grace - love - humor - hope and integrity. Celebrating both these lives is a requiem for every emotion.

Our family dinner was so loving and so delicious. My home made sauce, meat balls and stuffed shells were quite good. The candles were lit, pictures sat on the table of Clayton. My Mom sat proudly, lovingly and humbly as she gazed out at the bounty surrounding her. Glimpses of my sisters husband of 40+ years were seen in corners and in songs, in their other two sons smiles and the home that they built keeping us warm and secure. He, now with his son in Heaven - she here, for the first time - remembering the day their son died without him by her side - active in their grief.

About 9 years ago an Indian woman I worked with gave me a gift when she left the agency. She knew back then the inhumanity. The gift was a silver metal star with gold trim around the edges on a long silver stand and in the middle of the star a clear indigo blue glass stone with a place for a tea-light right behind it so when lit the blue light would shine. I had it in my office for years. About a year ago it was packed away and a few weeks back it came back to me when my friends delivered all my "stuff" from my office. When Clayton died my husband and I wrote a song and recorded it - titled "Shining Star". We have sung it every year since he died and it has been circulating eve since. I must tell you that when he sings it everyone "listens" - it is so beautiful. Also, when my sisters husband died in Hospice - the staff puts a 'blue light' on the door so the people on the floor know that someone has passed in that room. We all took a 'blue light home. I hung ours on "Hope-the tree". It shined for days - I could see it 1000 feet away coming down the drive . So as I looked at this hand made silver star with the indigo blue glass I immediately thought of my sister and how these two elements reminded me that Clayton and his Dad are together. I told her the story of my Indian friend and why I was now giving this to her. We lit it during dinner - and the blue light shined through the silver shining star and we all felt the promise.