Sunday, February 19, 2012

A small afghan - made with love.

My Mom made this lovely small afghan for me.  My favorite colors.  She apologized because she wasn't able to finish it due to her arthritic fingers.  I think it is perfect and keeps me warmer than any other quilt I have,.  I think that is because it was made with such abundant love.

She just got out of the hospital after a set back due to the impact of dialysis. She is now in a 're-hab' to hopefully get some strength so she can walk again and transfer on her own from a chair or her bed and be able to walk up at least five stairs (which is her entrance to her home) -  Right now she cannot so she can't come home.  This breaks our hearts -

And not to make this about me but I really questioned God this go-round.  First, why she has to suffer so, and secondly why I have to struggle to navigate to visit her given the limits of my having MS.  The long hallways on hard surfaces kill my feet -  they get numb and it feels like I am walking on fire and ice - and DON"T even say I should use a wheel chair, DON'T!  I will come right through the computer screen, I swear I will.  I am NOT ready to make that transition, I an NOT.  AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is all so complicated and unsettling as I wrestle with our realities.  And don't get me started on the health care obstacles and incompetent social workers we are dealing with whose job is to 'set up' the details of her health and safety needs after being in the hospital.  To say they fell short is an understatement.  So atop all the emotions of her fragile health we are fighting to get her needs met.

I guess I have complained and thrown enough tantrums, huh?  So today I will be grateful that my Mom is still here with us - and has all her faculties - she is still so funny and of strong mind.  I am grateful I can go and visit her - despite my feet on fire.  Good Lord!  Skipp and I had a delicious Sunday breakfast together - the blessing in that are endless.  The sun is shining and the air is cool and refreshing.  And I am loved.  Amen.   This is one of my Mom's favorite songs.